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Original poster

Is he cheating? Urgent advice please!

479 replies

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 18:32

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

OP posts:
Applesonthelawn · 29/08/2026 07:45

LIPFearFactor · 28/08/2026 23:13

You won’t believe me when I say this, but you will get through this. You are going to be on a hideous emotional rollercoaster and it’s going to be really tough, but there will be easier moments along the way. You will go through every emotion imaginable. You’ll have some very dark times. But…There will be laughter again. There will be joy again. There will be calm contentment again.

Your job is;

  1. look after yourself as well as you can.
  2. look after the kids as well as you can. Can they stay with a relative for a couple of nights?
  3. tell someone you trust and accept any support or help available.
  4. keep him at arms length for a good few days so that you can feel more clear.
  5. Do not let him back in the house until you have copied any documents you might need (if you divorce you’ll need bank statements, house documents, passport, marriage cert etc etc - lots of men turn nasty when confronted by their shameful behaviour - they turn it in the victim - then play games like taking documents - get ahead of this in the next few days ).
  6. get your GP to sign you off work and do an STI check.
  7. take your time to make any big decisions.
  8. Find your anger. You deserved better than this. Your kids deserved better. HE is the one responsible for this mess. His choices alone are responsible. He is not worthy of any empathy or kindness. Engaging with a prostitute is not a knee jerk thing - he had time to consider the implications and back off. He chose to do this. It’s selfish, weak and gross. He is gross.

We are all here rooting for you - your MN army. Come back as and when you need.

This is a great post for the OP at this time. When we are in a state of emotional panic, having clearly laid out steps like this to stick to is what helps us operate on autopilot, and that's how she'll be for the next few days.

OP I wish you strength - you'll get through it my lovely, one day and one step at a time.

FTMaz · 29/08/2026 07:58

eastegg · 28/08/2026 23:58

Oh yes, lots more going on!

These posts really are the gift that keeps on giving.

Apologies OP for finding a bit of humour in the thread, but the people who can’t be bothered reading your posts are just too much.

Show quote history

I read the original post and then didn’t scroll through for all the replies as I assumed OP wanted answers to the nail situation.

apologies for not spending my life on MN 🫠

Canitrustagain · 29/08/2026 08:03

Lmnop22 · 28/08/2026 21:42

Very strange that you seem to know so much about the emotional support of sex workers whilst not using them yourself.

Get off this thread and let women help the OP with her vile husband rather than suggesting if she had listened more or talked to him more maybe he wouldn’t have paid to shag other women 🙄

Show quote history

I read Shuggles’ comments differently to you. He wasn’t saying OP neglected her husband or that it’s OP’s fault. My ex did something very similar to what Shuggles explained.

LIPFearFactor · 29/08/2026 08:09

Canitrustagain · 29/08/2026 08:03

I read Shuggles’ comments differently to you. He wasn’t saying OP neglected her husband or that it’s OP’s fault. My ex did something very similar to what Shuggles explained.

Show quote history

The last thing OP needs is an empathic view of his behaviour. He will try and manipulate her anyway. Whatever his reasons, it doesn’t matter, it was his choice. Judge people by their actions.

Steeleydan · 29/08/2026 08:25

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 19:58

Thank you for this. I managed to get into his work phone. There is nothing recently but messages to what I assume are prostitutes in January. I'm absolutely blindsided. I just left the house while he was doing kids bedtimes. Currently parked up and shaking like a leaf. I don't know what to do next. I'm terrified to talk to him.

Show quote history

What makes you think prostitutes? Could be women from dating sites

Ezzee · 29/08/2026 08:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ErNo20 · 29/08/2026 08:45

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 21:30

Thank you all for the support, I truly appreciate it. I've made him leave and I'm an absolute wreck. My head is utter chaos, what the fuck do I do now? There is no way back from this. How do I deal with the short term? Any advice please? FYI we have two DDs (3 and 6). x

This all happened in about 2 hours did it?

Potatoespotaarrrrtos · 29/08/2026 08:47

@mouseymouse123 I hope you are ok this morning. Eat small amounts, drink water, take exercise and please practise self care. This will be a huge shock to you and will take time to process. X

Potatoespotaarrrrtos · 29/08/2026 08:50

ErNo20 · 29/08/2026 08:45

This all happened in about 2 hours did it?

Show quote history

I get your cynicism but just to say it often does happen very VERY fast. Once you start looking you open flood gates. Things rapidly spiral. It happened to me and it went from catching him secretly texting to grabbing a phone to locking myself in a toilet and reading message after message. Half an hour my life totally changed.

dointhebestwecan · 29/08/2026 08:53

This is what happened to me - I suddenly realised something and had to think where he would hide a duplicate phone. It was all in his wash bag as he cycled to work.

IronEverything · 29/08/2026 08:57

What a disgusting man he is, bringing sex workers into his family home.

Part of me wants to believe that those women left traces on purpose, to show you who you were married to.

Summerhut2025 · 29/08/2026 09:01

Surely he wouldn’t be doing it in your own home! That’s crazy he knows he would be found out. Plus why would he shag someone who wears those disgusting things ewe.
Are you both out the house for work during the day?

dointhebestwecan · 29/08/2026 09:01

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 20:23

I've told him to leave. He's expecting me to believe he used them for a conversation and a massage! He is adamant he's never had anyone on our house.

This is the right thing to do. Mine talked me round and spent two years breaking me and getting people on his side. I should have told him to leave immediately and shown his parents.

dointhebestwecan · 29/08/2026 09:08

researchers3 · 28/08/2026 21:05

So sorry to hear this OP. What a shock.

Women's intuition is generally spot on so I thought there might be something.

I haven't seen your previous thread (that I recall) but I am so glad you've kicked him out on the strength of this - never mind anything else.

I let my ex talk me around the first time i caught him. Made me extremely unwell until he eventually left me on his terms.

I'd advise any woman to get rid instantly.

I hope you're ok and have some in person support over the coming weeks.

This is very interesting to me as I just posted that was my situation and it’s better to get them to
leave at the moment it happens. I empathise with you totally.

Summerhut2025 · 29/08/2026 09:08

Omg just saw your update I’m so sorry OP what an utterly disgusting human being. Divorce him, never take him back, live happily ever after without him.

Dont let him break you, Make sure everyone knows who he is so no other woman touches him again.

Ihateboris · 29/08/2026 09:22

Potatoespotaarrrrtos · 29/08/2026 08:50

I get your cynicism but just to say it often does happen very VERY fast. Once you start looking you open flood gates. Things rapidly spiral. It happened to me and it went from catching him secretly texting to grabbing a phone to locking myself in a toilet and reading message after message. Half an hour my life totally changed.

Show quote history

Same here. I suspected my ex was seeing someone else. Within an hour, I'd found a hidden phone, discovered emails via adult work website, confronted him and kicked him out.

SandyLanes · 29/08/2026 09:23

Apologies if this has already been said but don’t forget there is a locked chat option on WhatsApp

KiwiFall · 29/08/2026 09:23

Breathe. Eat little and often. Try and get the kids out for some fresh air for you all if you can manage it. Sleep if you can. Just focus on a day at a time. Hour at a time if the day seems too much.

Do you have a friend or relative that you can confide in. One who possibly could come round and help out practically. Or a relative you can take the kids and visit for a few days.

Get as much paperwork together as possible. Get a STD test booked in.

I’m so sorry this has happened.

Ihateboris · 29/08/2026 09:27

Summerhut2025 · 29/08/2026 09:01

Surely he wouldn’t be doing it in your own home! That’s crazy he knows he would be found out. Plus why would he shag someone who wears those disgusting things ewe.
Are you both out the house for work during the day?

If you don't believe they'd do it from their marital homes, then I'd suggest you read a particular, disgusting punting forum where punters share all the gory details, including getting a kick out of shagging the prossies in their marital homes. There's even one particularly vile twat bragging about having the prossie use his wife's dildo 🙄

scoobysnaxx · 29/08/2026 09:33

How are you this morning OP? I’m so sorry xx

ShrubLover · 29/08/2026 09:34

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 21:30

Thank you all for the support, I truly appreciate it. I've made him leave and I'm an absolute wreck. My head is utter chaos, what the fuck do I do now? There is no way back from this. How do I deal with the short term? Any advice please? FYI we have two DDs (3 and 6). x

Have a look at the threads called There We Are Then on relationship board. There are 3, and the OP is doing an amazing job of navigating similar. I went through the same scenario many years ago and clung on to my dreadful cheating ex for a few months, trying to 'make it work' etc. I regret that now. Having been there my advice is tell your family, file for divorce, don't communicate with him in person, email only. I'm so sorry , it's shit but life will get better.

Lexi100 · 29/08/2026 09:41

mouseymouse123 · 28/08/2026 18:42

We do have a cleaner but she hasn't been since last Thursday and I've never seen her with fake nails

What's up with you

IronEverything · 29/08/2026 09:45

Summerhut2025 · 29/08/2026 09:01

Surely he wouldn’t be doing it in your own home! That’s crazy he knows he would be found out. Plus why would he shag someone who wears those disgusting things ewe.
Are you both out the house for work during the day?

Earrings and false nails are hardly disgusting things.

JenRummy · 29/08/2026 09:48

I’m so sorry OP. That’s devastating. For now just take one hour at a time. Your life has just imploded and you need to be extra kind to yourself to get through these early days. Focus on you and kids and sod everything else. Get some support around you. 🫶🏻

MinnieMountain · 29/08/2026 09:49

Summerhut2025 · 29/08/2026 09:01

Surely he wouldn’t be doing it in your own home! That’s crazy he knows he would be found out. Plus why would he shag someone who wears those disgusting things ewe.
Are you both out the house for work during the day?

A woman I know's ex-H did. She was away for the bank holiday weekend. He turned their ring doorbell off at the mains but didn't know that it has a battery too.

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