I know that most Mumsnetters will think I am stupid for posting this reply, but that doesn't really bother me as they don't know me personally, and are maybe too narrow minded in their own thinking.
@mouseymouse123 Why are you reacting to your new, so painfully found out knowledge, by immediately deciding to divorce your husband? I do hope it isn't just because too many readers of Mumnet seem to have become enthralled - in it's original meaning - by the domineering personallities of our more loquacious Mumsnetters; those who apparently have no tolerance of the failure of any individual man if he has been shown to not be perfect every single second, of every single day, in every single way? Oh okay, I am exaggerating a bit, but in some cases it won't be my much!
I don't believe it is true that any man who visits a prostitute is necessarily an evil bastard, who cannot have any good qualities at all, and therefore they must be divorced from their wives as soon as the wives can get their dicks - oops sorry, I meant of course, their ducks, in an orderly row. You have told us, that finding out your husband has been seeing one or more sex workers, is actually worse in your mind, than you finding out he was having an affair. I'm afraid that I don't understand your logic here at all OP? If, and I know it is a big IF, your husband has felt the need/desire to have sex with someone else - which could be for a variety of reasons, but - the usual and most basic one is often because the male of our species is genetically hot wired to wanting to spread their sperm to as many fertile woman as possible. Unfortunately, your husband appears to be one of those many weak minded men who can't resist such a basic urge, so him wanting to have sex with someone/anyone, yet choosing to pay for the services of a sex worker, is surely more acceptable to you than him having an affair with a particular woman, who he was attracted to, and then went on to fall in love with, and to then eventually realise that he prefers to be with her all of the time, rather than with you.
My ex/first husband preferred his slightly younger mistress to me, which was incredibly hurtful at the time, so I know from personal experience that if he had had occassional sex with a sex worker, I could have probably come to terms with that, especially if we subsequently went to see a marriage guidance counsellor, or a relationship therapist, together. In the pretend scenario here, the one where he has an actual affair, you don't get a chance to make a choice, to be able to consider how much you have loved him, and felt that he loved you, or how much of your life is entwined together with his, which is of course especially important as you have 2 young children together. You just don't get any choice in that scenario - I know this because it happened to me many years ago - in the pretend case, he has already fallen in love with someone else, and will end up leaving you, and will then probably have more children with Her. So I really don't understand why you think that having sex with a stranger they have paid for, is worse than him having sex with someone that he obviously finds attractive, and who he can tell all the problems to, including any he is having with you, he has probably even explained to her that you just don't understand him ...
Yes, it would be a much better, and nicer World, if we all fell in love with someone, and were then committed to that person - with no-one else ever even crossing our radar as a tiny blip - but we are human beings, not swans, and one of the things that we can definitely know about each other, is that as we are human beings, we are 'fickle'. 'Fickle' looks, and sounds, like such an innocuous word, but here is my favourite AI's explanation of it's meaning:
Fickle means changing often and suddenly, especially in a person's loyalty, affection, or opinions .....
So, unfortunately, it doesn't have an innocuous meaning at all, instead it is one word that probably sums up the human state, more than most other adjectives ever get close to doing.
All I am asking of you @mouseymouse123, is that you take your time when deciding what the best outcome would be for your darling children and you. I think that you absolutely need some trusted advice in real life, and speaking to a therapist who has no agenda whatsoever, other than to help you reach the best solution for both you and your children, is probably the best and safest route you can take for now. Please remember OP, that if you seperate, and get divorced as soon as possible, that is most likely to be how things will stay, whereas, if you take time to think about it yourself, and hopefully ask a professional for advice, you can still choose to change your mind, and split up at any time in the future. 🩷