Is he cheating? Urgent advice please!

[mouseymouse123]

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

your kids have been home for last 6 weeks

si when has he had opportunity??

I’d put it in a bag and hide it. I’d install a secret camera in my bedroom. I’d claim to be feeling poorly for a few days to give myself some time. Even better if you can take the kids to stay with your parents or a friend or something.

Well I’d like to think I’d do all of that. In reality I’d be screaming at him like an unhinged woman and accuse him of everything. I don’t think the latter is the way to go.

Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him in the past?

Wtaf

that’s a leap

Any cash withdrawals from the bank?

Could he have a secret phone?

Like Dr Foster, check his car or gym bag for another phone. Does he have a work phone? Finding the nail on the landing is suspicious as how many visitors go upstairs?

Logically, if it is another woman, it most likely had to have been from today otherwise you'd have found it earlier. Would it have even been possible to have another woman in your house today? If it is another woman then she's leaving you clues on purpose in order to out him.

It could have been trodden in, brought in on clothes etc, ended up in the washing machine and clung to your bedsheets, or just come off when one of you has undressed.

Stuff like this happens all the time. Unless he’s been furtive, has changed his behaviour or patterns of behaviour, or you have found physical evidence like used condoms, he’s started changing the bedsheets at odd times or you’ e seen messages on his phone I think you are extrapolating out way too far from this tiny thing.

If I found a fake nail in my house I’d presume it was the cleaners or someone has carried it in on their shoe maybe. What is it about your husband/marriage that has made you go straight to.. he is cheating?

An earring and a fake nail is a bit weird. I've never had things like that turn up in my bedroom/upstairs. Could be the cleaner though, have a look at her nails next time.
Does he work from home? Then it's easy to get someone in if no one's at home. I would also check for cash withdrawals. Stay as calm as you can for a bit and see if you get any weird vibes. Nobody admits stuff when asked, honestly.

My husband wasn't the type. No chance either as at work or home.

Yep, affair.

I know it’s hard but I’d really try and keep quiet a bit longer because as soon as he knows you’re suspicious, he’ll start being more careful.

check phone again - check photos and hidden photo folder, notes app. Check for things like Telegram.

that’s how I eventually found my husband was cheating. He had a contact on telegram with a mans name, but clearly a woman in the profile pic.

the conversation was blank becuase he’d wiped it.

Thank you for this. I managed to get into his work phone. There is nothing recently but messages to what I assume are prostitutes in January. I'm absolutely blindsided. I just left the house while he was doing kids bedtimes. Currently parked up and shaking like a leaf. I don't know what to do next. I'm terrified to talk to him.

"A secret camera in the bedroom"

O god. I'm so sorry. My pessimistic mind wondered this. Is there a friend or family member you can speak to?

I know some one who uses LinkedIn messages for cheating with a work colleague. Most people who never think of looking there.

I'm so sorry OP.
How absolutely devastating for you.

"Not the type". How naive. They are all the type.

This feels so much worse than an affair. I feel absolutely sick. I guess this is the hard evidence I need to confront him.

Oh what a shock for you OP. I'm so sorry. Why are men...?
Don't expect him to admit it if you confront him - they tend to deny, deny, deny. He'll say it was just chat, he never went through with it, he'll make out you're crazy.

I know this feeling well, but before you spin out just stay on this and see what people have to say before you cause an issue that may not be there.
If you have female cleaners, ask them first ( he won't admit to anything anyway) so you may as well get evidence he can't deny.
If you think he wouldn't do this and only have this to go on.. just talk to him calmly...
If not and there are trust issues... Leave.

Time to stop shaking and confront him. If he's been using sex workers, he has been risking your own sexual health as well as his. Some straight talking is needed now, and don't accept any excuses.
Thinking you and sending you strength.

You have a cleaner. Your kids presumably could bring female friends/girlfriends in? Does mum/MIL/sister/SIL/friend have a key (yes it's cheeky if they've gone i your room without permission, but it happens).
I wouldn't be thinking cheat.

Perhaps you should read OP's update.