Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

That’s how he wants you to feel. Then when he has a change of heart and “allows” you to have another chance with him, you’ll be even more willing to do whatever he says all the time to keep him happy. He’s training you.

Your ex-boyfriend clearly over-reacted and you are well shot of him.

Nothing justifies his behaviour, but arguably the trainer acted inappropriately by trying to give you a hug if you know him as little as you say. Just because he is friendly, it doesn’t give him the right to hug whoever he wants.

And because you whispered “no” rather than just saying it out loud (or indeed by hugging him openly if you normally would) I can see that your ex thought that there might be something going on between you and the trainer and that you were trying to hide it - especially if there were already other trust issues.

Either way, it is over and that sounds to be for the best.

he wants you to feel like this.

do not go back to him, ever. He’s manipulating you

You are 35 and questioning if you are going crazy and if this is normal behaviour? Where have you been? I wish you well and he has done you are favour. Please work on your boundaries moving forward and do not go back when he reappears!

You are well rid of your boyfriend, he sounds like a psycho.

But also, that PT is wildly unprofessional. He should not be dishing out hugs to clients full stop. It's SO inappropriate, and if your boyfriend was the violent type he could have just landed you in serious trouble.

Yes, you're right. But based on everything else that the OP has said about her ex in her opening post, I drew my own conclusions.

Sounds like a good thing you have split but I do think the pt instructor was inappropriate to give you a hug.

you do now but you are well out of it. The man is bonkers.

He’s setting you up so you learn to behave.

He’ll unblock, you’ll have to apologise and grovel for your poor behaviour and beg for forgiveness but please be smart and block him and never speak to him again. This hurt will pass and I’m sure once it’s faded you realise there was plenty red flags.

Why were you having to rebuilt trust?

Regarding the trust issues, someone has cheated? If so, probably the best thing was to split as it’s never the same.

Thank the universe that he’s shown you his true colours and run for the hills!

What a little weirdo!

Lucky escape.

Agree

Also I'm assuming you didn't cheat on him to cause the trust issues...?

Yes, he is massively unreasonable.

but why is the personal trainer hugging people? Very unprofessional and he shouldn’t do it because he simply does not know what is going on with people. Your BF is just a knobhead by the sounds of things, but if he was a violent knobhead PTs overly friendly actions could put you in danger.

He's absolutely bonkers, don't ever have anything to do with his sorry arse again.

This wasn’t a “misunderstanding”. This was a jealous and controlling man who sees women as his property. He lost his temper when he saw a completely innocent interaction between you and another male and he blew his cover. In that moment his mr nice guy act fell aside and you saw the true him.

He will likely try to punish you first (blocking) and by telling you that you behaved badly and that he is the victim (DARVO). And if that doesn’t work he will come crawling back in a few days saying he’s sorry, it’s just because he loves you so much, it won’t happen again.

But it will happen again. And worse. so don’t forgive and don’t take him back.

Don't, honestly.

feel relieved and glad he's put himself out with the garbage.

Your pt is weird hugging his clients but in this case you should thank him. He might have saved your life.

You are well rid of this abusive man
He had you walking on egg shells

No I didn't fuck other men. I have been 100% faithful.
Sadly he slept with other woman.
I have been with this man for about two years and at the start of our relationship he found some old messages from before we was together, he told me I hadn't protected the relationship and that I guess as revenge he cheated.
He said that that I had ruined the relationship because if had protected the relationship he wouldn't of gone off and did what he did.
I loved him so much that I forgave him for this and ever since he has been this way, where over little things he would get very upset but not to the extent of leaving me because a member off staff approached me in a friendly way.

You have had a lucky escape. If he wants to get back together at any point, please don't do it.

Dear god, he’s an abusive bastard, you can do much better ffs!

You need to improve your self esteem.

Block, delete, move on!

Any woman OF HIS?????

You've had a lucky escape. Run and don't look back. Have a good hard think about your choices in men. A basic rule of thumb is that anyone who shares any language traits with Andrew Tate is a no.

Also report the personal trainer. His behavior is inappropriate in the workplace. Is he hugging the men in the same way?