Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

Well thankfully he took himself out.
Good riddance to bad rubbish

Yes your bf reaction was out of order
But what's with the PT going round hugging people? Extremely unprofessional.

He’s a knob, you’re better off without him

You don’t have to answer this but I’m wondering if these feelings are related to past trauma. It’s not healthy (but is understandable if you’ve had difficult experiences) to feel abandoned when an abusive/controlling bf breaks up with you. Sorry you’re going through it - I get it

To save yourself time in future, any guy who says "no woman of mine...blah blah" can be dumped on the spot, there's no fixing an attitude like that.

Before we even got to the bit where he proved he was an absolute bell end, the phrase 'trust issues' was worrying me. Who had trust issues and why?

Please block him and don’t let him back in your life. You’re better off with him wanting g to control you.

Marry him. A catch

Congratulations on becoming free of this jealous, controlling abusive cunt of a man.

Enjoy your freedom and most importantly NEVER take him back.

That PT has saved you from years of being in a controlling abusive relationship, he deserves a hug and a big thank you next time you see him 😂

Is your boyfriend on steroids by any chance as this could be a sign of anger issues . Or he is just a dick sorry

OP. Sorry this happened to you.
Firstly Its not normal for people to behave like your BF.. this is 2026, not the Victorian era.
The way he did it was humiliating.. in public.. but probably safer for you. But it is him that should feel ashamed. I guarantee that people won't be thinking the worse of you, just how nasty he was.

Once you've got over the shock... I bet if you look back over the relationship, now that your eyes are opened.. that this isn't the first time he's been either controlling or abusive or possessive and blamed you for something you didn't think you'd even done.

Make a note of those occurances because that will underline for you that although it doesn't feel like it right now. You've had a lucky lucky break

Red flag central, especially if my presumption that there is no good reason why he has trust issues (although he probably claims his ex partner cheated bla bla bla). Wouldn’t be at all surprised if he tried to come back with conditions, you must not look at another man, always cover up, no makeup, quit the gym bla bla bla etc

Are you in Lancashire? This sounds like my ex!

NO WOMAN OF HIS

When did he get to own you?

You do know, don't you, that it would have been FINE to give the friendly PT a friendly hug, if that was comfortable for you.
The fact that you were already checking your behavior, moving away and whispering no, just to avoid setting your boyfriend off, is already a big red flag.

And the trust issues you were working on? Were they really trust issues or has this awful man made you think normal behavior was a sign that you were untrustworthy?

He is the problem. You are so fortunate that he has finished it. Never speak to him again. He's very bad news.

Because sadly it sounds like you were in an abusive relationship.

Phew thank goodness he showed you who he really was before you were too enmeshed

It’s a unanimous verdict OP.

I wish I had listened when I fist had an experience like this with my ex. But I couldn’t stand the feelings of hurt and abandonment, so I just kept getting back with him capitulating on any kind of resistance. Until the abuse escalated to the point where there really was not going back.

Although it doesn't seem like it right now he did you a massive favour
He is quite unhinged and controlling

Ooo, you had a lucky escape. It is normal to feel abandoned due to the trauma bonds he created from the previous times. You coped just fine with life before him and you will now.

You can counter block on most apps. I'd get that done before he has a chance to try and worm himself back in.

Think of it this way, you can no longer trust him not to show you up in front of your acquaintences. If a man is jealous of what is essentially a boy doing his job, then he has a problem.

Completely unreasonable and controlling of your ex. Of course you would feel hurt and abandoned, but do not take him back. You have dodged a bullet here for sure.

What “trust issues” and what are you trying to “rebuild”? If you have previously given him good reason not to trust you, I can almost understand his reaction. If you haven’t, be glad for the blocking and move on.

Does "trust issues" and "starting to rebuild" mean you fucked other men? I think that's what it means.

In which case he's absolutely right not to trust you, not at all, and never again, and should have dumped you on the spot because cheaters are gross.

And if so you are being punished and dumped for fucking around.

But it's not ok for him to behave so aggressively towards you over it (before anyone tries to claim I'm saying it is ok). He either gets over it (nobody ever does though, not really) or ditches you. There's no middle ground.

Seems like he has now realised that.

And if you weren't fucking around I have no idea what you mean by trust issues and starting to rebuild, if he's just behaving like this for no reason he's absolutely bonkers.

Anyway, the relationship is over.

Yeah, be careful. He’s going to use that. I guarantee he’s going to want to get back together on condition you ‘behave better’.

He only broke up with you to control you and then he’s going to boomerang back and spend as many years as you let him abusing and controlling you.

Hopefully you'll just feel relieved that you aren't stuck with a twat like that once it's sunk in