Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

Do we have the same ex? 😂. I agree with every word.

He's done you a favour. Your ex is controlling and possessive - don't take him back

It is understandable that you might feel like this right now, but honestly love, this is a really good development. Hopefully you will see that in time.

Nobody needs a jealous and controlling man like this in their lives. He sounds awful, and you are so much better off without him.

Whatever you do, don't take him back if he comes grovelling. And take this opportunity to spend a bit of time working on your own self esteem and understanding what a healthy relationship looks like.

You deserve so much better than this. You can have a relationship where your partner doesn't feel the need to control you and you don't have to walk on eggshells all the time.

You've had a lucky escape,massive red flag, thank your lucky stars and move on.

In time you will realise he did you a massive favour. Drama like this never ends well

Yes, this. I strongly suggest that if you feel you may be attracted to this sort of possessive and manipulative type of man, you consider therapy because it’s so easy to repeat this kind of pattern in relationships. You deserve a decent man who trusts you.

And don’t let him back when he decides to ‘forgive’ you. Which he probably will do to reel you back in.

The rubbish put himself in the bin 🗑️ Fabulous.

Don’t tie yourself to a weak, jealous man OP. You will feel so much lighter and freer without him. Enjoy your life, don’t spend any more time missing his tiny ego!!

Don’t go back. He is testing you. If you tolerate this now, you will be in for a life of control and anguish 🚩 🚩 🚩

oh god bullet dodged here. More red flags than Soviet military parade. No, his reaction is not normal and that you need to modify your totally normal behaviour because of his paranoid jealousy and some kind of weird ownership issues is also not normal.

I remember this feeling, especially feeling abandoned. It was the cold, sudden cutting of contact that always got to me because I was never given the chance to defend myself or explain anything, even though I’d done nothing wrong - it’s honestly like a form of mental torture and these “men” know exactly what they’re doing.

When he would come back, the relief I would feel was indescribable, so each time I would take him back and the cycle would continue.

7 years that lasted - and there was always something I’d do wrong in his mind.

I honestly lost so much of myself in that relationship and felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells and made myself ill at points. I even ended up on anti anxiety medication less than a year into the relationship. If that wasn’t a glaring red flag, then I don’t know what was.

I knew that the situation was toxic and that’s not how a relationship is supposed to feel, but I genuinely loved him and felt like maybe if I just became less of who I was and became what he thought a partner should be, all would be fine.

When we broke up for good, I actually felt that immense relief again for the first time in a very long time.

You will feel like this for a while, but I promise it gets better. Find something funny on Netflix to watch or make plans with your friends and make sure you’re eating and taking care of yourself.

If he contacts you, come back to this thread and we will keep you from replying.

Please don’t be me and waste 7 years of your precious life on this person.

Well thank fuck he’s reacted by splitting up and blocking. His anger and language towards you very much suggest he could easily turn physically abusive. If someone doesn’t trust you then that’s because of their issues. You’ve absolutely dodged a bullet!

You need to stay single for a while and read about what a healthy relationship is. You should never have to alter your own behaviour to keep your partner happy. You need to trust your instincts. If you’re having to think about what you say, do and act - then you’re not compatible. You should only ever feel comfortable and safe with a partner.
Relax and focus on living your own life. Just be yourself and do what makes you happy. Build up your self worth. Getting dumped sucks but this time it’s something to celebrate. Men like him are just insecure bullies. They absolutely repulse me. Go and be your awesome self and forget all about him 💐

He’ll be back soon enough saying ‘he’s forgiven you’ but you’ll have more rules put around your life. Move on! He’s not the one for you. Definitely don’t take him back!

Oh, and please please please block him. Nothing speaks as loud as silence. Never engage again as it’s pointless. He’s a controlling man-child twat who will never change.

OP - you say at the beginning of your thread that "My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild."

Are you able to expand on this because I wonder if this had something to do with his reaction?

Although to be honest, they way he went about the breakup is.a red flag regardless!

You should feel relief and liberation.

He is controlling and punishing you. Please god stay away from that awful man

He has done you a favour- jealous little prat

I read that as "he is a jealous fucker and doesn't like me speaking to men" rather than "I previously cheated and he is struggling to trust me again".

I can understand how you must be feeling in the immediate aftermath of this happening OP. To have your relationship ended so abruptly and then being blocked from communicating. Whilst it will hurt for a while, in time you will come to see this is the best result. This man is abusive and you will have been forever walking on eggshells, trying to keep him happy and not upset him. It won't seem like that now, but give yourself time. Please don't consider going back to him if he crawls back. If you do he will break you. Had you been together long?

You are well rid of the boyfriend, can’t add much to what others have said there but the PT is also inappropriate. Hugging a woman he’s had 3 interactions with ever? No. Way too overfamiliar for me. Not saying he’s not a lovely guy but needs to learn boundaries.

That PT did you a massive, MASSIVE favour. I hope you see that in time. Do not try to get back with this possessive, controlling man.

A hug is weird. Not professional

Well to be honest, its so vague it could mean either of those things, hence asking for clarity of what she meant.

He will be back though, so you MUST stay strong and stay away. He’s got ‘I accidentally strangled her whilst having consensual rough sex’ written all over his controlling ass actions.

Hes done you a massive favour tbh. He would make your life an utterly misery. I know this for a fact from my exs behaviour

He is a horrible and potentially dangerous man, I hope the shock is wearing off and you are starting to see him for who he is. Try to tell at least one rl person what happened and exactly what he said - it’s him who should be ashamed NOT you, I think saying it out loud and hearing your mum / friend respond might help you when he tries to worm his way back - I bet they already don’t like him. Block him. Today is the start of your freedom.

Bullet Dodged.