Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

Wow, what a lucky escape you've had!

He will come crawling back soon, I just really hope you have the strength to resist before he destroys you further.

There are are decent men out there, don't settle for this absolute shite. Just imagine your future if you get back together - miserable! You'll be scared to even glance at another man. Grim.

Block him, what a horrible man.

This is all a manipulation strategy, OP. He is trying to wear you down. He will be back soon. Please don't even contemplate taking him back.

This is not what a healthy relationship looks like.

Id go find a nice fish. Block him too, I bet he’s back later today pulling you in, and this abuse starts over again.

He tried to tell you his cheating was your fault!? For things you did before you were even in a relationship? WTF!?😳

The more you say the worse he sounds! That you had him back the first time is more than he deserved, (and suggests you really need to work on your self-esteem). Whatever you do, don’t get back together with him when he inevitably comes back and expects you to crawl for his forgiveness.

He was judging you by his own standards. He is a dirty cheat and so when he saw your interaction with the PT his first thought was that you were cheating on him.

He cheated on you but again it was your fault! I bet anytime he behaves badly, he always spins it to make himself the victim and you end up having to apologise to him?!

He isn’t a good man. You don’t deserve this. Block him back and never take him back.

The more you reveal about him the worse he sounds. His trust issues are his, they’re not on you. He is judging you by his shitty standards.
You can do so much better than this utter loser.

Do you have children @Wittypeach ?

Why did you stay with him after he had cheated?

Your PT has done you a massive favour. Ex BF is projecting his misdemeanors onto you. You are allowed to have a life. You were allowed a life before him. He could have protected your relationship by not sleeping with other people - he chose not too but you are the problem? Block ex BF on everything and count your lucky stars that you are now free of this idiot. Big hugs x

As literally every PP has said, this man has done you a massive favour. Revenge cheating? Nasty and abusive. Let him stay blocked and have a good hard think about why you didn’t recognise the signs sooner and protect yourself from this vile bastard.

Exactly this. Let this really sink in @Wittypeach

Again, how was your response to this not ‘fuck off’?

The trash has indeed taken itself out. You need to realise this as well as raising your boundaries because he has damaged those. He treated you appallingly and indeed these types of men hate women, all of them. He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

Do read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. Your now ex is in those pages.

Better to feel abandoned and free than in a relationship with a jealous pr*ck.

Glad for you he left

now never let him back into your life

his behaviour was not normal you do not need a boyfriend like that!!!

He will reappear when he thinks he’s punished you enough and will expect you to grovel and apologise. Don’t let him do this, it’s all about control.

He hasn’t left you. In a few days / weeks, whenever he feels you have been punished enough he will magnanimously allow you back if you have ‘learned your lesson’. I predict.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild.
Let me guess - he is insanely jealous and doesn’t trust you
He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
And you were OK with these unfounded insults and ‘a woman of mine’? who the hell does he think he is would be a normal reaction.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off.
I wouldn’t have got in the car with him after those insults. And why did you just not say ‘no’ when he told you to get his stuff?
I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries,
But his boundaries are unreasonable. The correct response is to refuse those boundaries and tell him it’s a deal breaker
Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?
Every woman in an abusive relationship such as you are will have experienced something similar until they found the courage to leave. when he come crawling back, please respect yourself enough to give him the answer he deserves. You can do it now or in approx. 10 years and several children later as a broken woman. Your choice.

Good riddance. Be glad he swanned off and its not a situation where you are try to leave and he becomes dangerous (which would happen further down the line if you stayed).

More seriously - you need to ask yourself why you are prepared to tolerate this level of abuse and control. You need to realise that, if you stayed with this men you would have been gradually made to give up on everything - your freedom, friends, family? The guy is a dangerous piece of shit.

Lucky escape. He’s controlling and jealous. And a cheat. Do not go back.

He had to cheat on you because you’d texted someone else before your relationship began?

Can you really not see how ridiculous, spiteful and pathetic his argument is?

i get the impression you think he’s right and you are wrong.

He’s a manipulative loser.
He will absolutely come back, this performance was about control.

Your life will be a misery if you take him back.

Op after your last update this just gets worse! So he cheated and managed to convince you it was YOUR fault?? Christ on a bike op you need to tell some friends and family this situation so they can help you see how abusive and manipulative this man is. He’s the type of guy that I’d be scared could end up killing you down the line, what a psycho! Open your eyes and RUN AWAY. He’ll probably be back telling you to apologise to make it better soon, you must stay away from this dangerous nutter, this is not normal behaviour and not a normal relationship. Take care of yourself.

I had a very similar situation with my ex right at the start of our relationship where he found old Facebook messages and posts from about 10 years before we met between me, one of my longtime male friends and a mutual female friend - there was never anything romantic between us, we were all part of a friend group from when we lived in the same city abroad.

Apparently he had been browsing my Facebook and I don’t know what he thought he saw or what they meant, but I woke up the next morning to about 10 missed calls and loads of massive long messages telling me how I was a liar, a cheat, and could never be trusted. I still to do this day don’t know what I’m supposed to have done.

He was angry that I hadn’t “disclosed” this past ex. He was never an ex, so there was nothing to “disclose.”

Honestly, when I think back now, it’s genuinely laughable and that’s exactly what I should have done and then blocked him forever, but I was an absolute wreck and was apologising for something that I still don’t understand.

These men are not right in the head - you have done nothing wrong, so please believe me when I tell you that.

This mental behaviour will only get worse. Please walk away now.

Edited to add: over the years, he also “stumbled across” other things on my various devices that made him react like that and accuse me of cheating. I had nothing to hide, so my devices where always lying around and he knew my passcode (I never knew his, but never wanted it anyway).

I didn’t actually give him my passcode - he heard me giving it to my mum to unlock and check something for me, so he memorised it and would check my phone, which really pissed me off, but I never changed the code because I was worried it would look suspicious to he next time he checked it.

I would also let him use my laptop for stuff he needed to do, and then of course, he would “stumble” across something.

To listen to him you’d think I led an extremely exciting life full of secret rendezvous and thrilling encounters - I’m actually boring as fuck and prefer being at home with my dog to anything else 😂.

You need some serious therapy, OP. He is a cunt. Why are you accepting a relationship where you are made to suffer, is not respected and made to feel guilty? Its not normal.