Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

Wow you are soooo lucky to have dodged this controlling scumbag.
Thank your lucky stars, someone is watching over you. 💫

Some other poor woman will be taken in by his wiles but you are FREE!

It is a good and excellent thing that this relationship is over. You do not need this kind of controlling jealousy and posessiveness in your life. Womsn do not "belong" to the person they are in a relationship with and someone who wants a possession to control should not be indulged or cooperated with. If he hadn't already ended it you would have to. He may be hoping that you beg for forgiveness and subjugate yourself to his control in order to win him back but please please don't even consider that.

no woman of his

When did you become a possesion?

I would go it alone and not waste anymore time on this loser who will come back saying he will give you another chance because you are so upset and he knows he can demand anything

I would say he is having an affair. Change your locks and block him on everything

If you think that he is your last chance for a child then look onto going it alone and use a sperm donor

You can’t live your life trying to fit into someone else’s box because you will only fail

Sorry to hear about how upset you are feeling but he is a huge red flag. Please have nothing to do with him. That is totally crazy behaviour!! You can do better than this and you deserve better than this. Even if he contacts you please refuse to engage.

Partner was inappropriate, particularly for calling you names. BUT who hugs their personal trainer?! 🤔

I mean yes obviously you are better out without him, but who is this PT dealing out hugs all day? It's weird and unprofessional. Does he kiss the men to say hello ?

Your psycho ex sounds like he’s done you a favour.
despite blocking you though , he does sound the type to come back around and try and get you to beg for his forgiveness.
you need to ensure he can’t get to you so keep him blocked and keep safe people around you, try and get therapy to help you to understand that you deserve better and that’s he’s abusive.

The pt age 20 should not be hugging people Willy nilly like this, it’s bloody weird even if he is ‘naturally friendly’, it’s an overstep of boundaries. Just because he is in a position of power in the gym doesn’t mean you have to accept hugs from him, or even fist bumps, you’re not five.
if witnessed by someone who might be a perpetrator of DA then the outcome could have been even worse (did I read he kisses people too?)
to have to whisper ‘no’ in front of someone who is clearly jealous is going to raise the alarm because they’re watching for every single sign of something being up , it could escalate into something terrifying. he needs to learn how to greet people without touching them.
he sounds incredibly immature and it could get him into trouble at some point

Block him back. He might change his mind. Accept this is a good thing.

But also ewwww about the PT. For you to have to step back and whisper “no” to avoid a hug from someone you barely know. I’d be reporting him to gym management.

My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild

What does this mean?

He's been cheating, or at least flirting, and you took him back?
He has a history of being controlling and jealous?
Both?

People who behave like the boyfriend almost always do so because they are cheating themselves or are entirely untrustworthy and judge everyone else by their own poor standards.

The gym guy sounds OTT though and potentially creepy. I have been going to my current gym for four years and cannot imagine one of the instructors giving me a hug at the door. Nor would I want them to.

Leave him. It’s a failing relationship. Doomed.

I have no doubt this man will be back after he feels he has punished you enough. Don't take him back! Calling you a slag is reason enough to end the relationship. This will get worse over time. He has shown you his true colours. Get out and stay out.

I understand that. It's normal.

It'll pass soon enough and you'll start to see what an absolute twat he is.

Please don't try to get in touch with him. If he gets in touch with you, block block block.

You really do not need a controlling baby as a partner.

He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

"He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me."

You've had a lucky escape.

It's so important to know that he will be back and you will be so relieved not to feel abandoned that you are in danger of going back to him. Please don't. Prepare yourself now. Talk to a friend and get them to stand by you so you are not tempted to give in. This man is bad news as everyone has said.
But also a big NO for me for a trainer giving hugs. Just back off!!!

I’m more worried that it’s even a question for you. You’re well rid. I know some women enjoy being with possessive partners as it makes them feel wanted but it always goes wrong. Enjoy your peace.
Comments about gym guy are a bit sad. One of the PTs at my gym is a hugger - she’s a woman. Is that OK? I feel that it’s one of those relationships that is already physically close. She hugs the women and the men. Couple of the men will also do a friendly pat on the arm or high five.

Good fucking riddance! This controlling idiot is now out of your life. Take that as the huge win that it is. Do not let him back in your life.

You need to look at why you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.

toi said yourself you had to respect his boundaries, not yours. He is abusive and you’ve had a lucky escape this time. If you don’t work on yourself though you might end up in a similar relationship again.

You feel hurt because you're in shock - but believe me, the hurt and shock will pass and you will feel SO GLAD you're out of this horrible relationship. I had one like this. I wish it had ended after the first time he blew up at me, because it would have saved me years of pain and abuse by believing if I just kept trying, I could eventually persuade him I was trustworthy (spoiler alert - I couldn't). Anyway, I can tell you now this is what will happen next

1. He will unblock you after a few days and get in touch.
2. You will try and talk it through, but nothing will convince him that your behaviour wasn't terrible and his reaction wasn't completely resonable (bonus points if he says you 'drove him' to it).
3. You will continue the relationship, just with you more on eggshells and changing your life more to 'reassure him'.
4. You will eventually accidentally make eye contact with another man and he will blow up again.
5. Rinse and repeat for as long as you are together.

Give yourself the grace to work through the shock and pain you're feeling right now, but please understand that he has ultimately done you a favour by setting you free.

He’s a controlling prick. Consider this a lucky escape.

you've had such a lucky escape

If you've had trust issues I think it should end. It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to finish it anyway.
You are better off with out this person.
If you cant relax around him then what's the point.
As everyone says lots of red flags and you've dodged a bullet there.
I know you are hurting but you will be ok.
Just carry on with your exercises and normal life stuff, and you will see what a nasty piece of work he was. Good luck 💗x

Your boyfriend is wrong.

But Personal trainers can be very weird. His he friendly like that with the men who comes to the gym (and I do not mean the ones that are muscular and popular/ extraverted ) but just the typical male gym goer ?

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. He is an insecure, controlling man child. Trust me, the trash took itself out here and you will be grateful for it in time.

I have far too much experience of jealous men and they seriously give me the ick now. He will come back, usually after a few weeks to give you enough time “to think about your actions” and suffer.

Do not engage with him at all when he doesn’t come back. If you think you’re not able to ignore him if he contacts you, then you can also block and delete his number, but I honestly feel it’s more satisfying for them to know you’re simply not interested in them or what they have to say.