Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

You are so better off without this arsehole dragging you down!

Glad to hear you have blocked this controlling asshole. Please don't let him back into your life. He will only get worse. Stay single for a while, learn about what YOU really want, maybe do some counselling if it's affordable. Unfortunately bad men are very good at spotting 'vulnerable' women who have become accustomed to being abused/controlled, so maybe take the time to build your self esteem and learn how to spot a bad'un. Lots of love to you OP.

Not a normal reaction. Good riddance.

Good lord girl. Go and hug whoever YOU like.

Please don’t let this monumental, very affected head fuck back into your life again.

@Mumsnet I thought we weren't allowed to switch usernames on threads? This poster was posting under Doigoforit2.

‘No woman of mine’. This sentence tells you all you need to know. You are not his property. He would make your life a misery, continually walking on egg shells and it still won’t pacify him. You have 💯 dodged a bullet

You are not stupid. These men are calculated and they put on an act to show themselves to be something they’re not. They love bomb and make you feel amazing. As someone said earlier, it’s all part of your training and they know exactly what they’re doing.

That’s why it’s so important to block him and make sure he never has any way to contact you ever again, because he has every intention of coming back.

Well done for blocking him. Have you also deleted his number so you can’t unblock him?

It will be hard for a while, and then it will be a little bit less hard and one day (sooner than you think), he won’t consume your thoughts as much, then you’ll wake up one day and realise you didn’t dream about him that night, and then you will realise you barely think about him at all.

In the meantime, if you can afford it, look into getting some counselling for your self esteem and to work through what is attracting you to relationships like this, spend time with good people and tell them everything, watch stuff on TV to distract you, and make sure you take care of yourself by eating and drinking enough.

Getting into nature is great for clearing the mind, even take a trip if you can and treat yourself to a relaxing break away or a spa. Start putting yourself first.

Also, if you find yourself feeling like you want to unblock him and speak to him, come back to this thread for support.

He is a massive moron! I’m so pleased you have blocked him.

i don’t think it’s cultural though. My DD’s friend’s mum was working out at their local gym with a PT (daughter was there too) and just as both of them were starting to get back into shape, her DH accused her of having an affair with the PT so she stopped going.

that DH is a New Zealander but also the biggest tosser you could meet. Heavy drinker, failure at self employment, expects dinner on the table at 6pm every night regardless etc. He has his wife and daughter absolutely terrified of his temper should dinner not be ready when he rolls in from the pub (when he is supposed to have been at work.

you've dodged a bullet. Just don’t be surprised if yours turns up in a couple of weeks asking if you have decided to apologise to him!

You’ve had a lucky escape. He’s a controlling idiot and will only get worse. Move on and find someone who deserves you ❤️

Be grateful he is deranged and controlling!

@Wittypeach hope you’re doing ok and that that man is in your rear view mirror!

Hiya, to be honest last night I was very upset, missing him and felt very hurt.. but woke up today with a fresh mind and coming back to these comments to remind myself that I don't need someone in my life like that!

That's because you're conditioned to letting him dictate your value.

It's like asking a porn director to judge your body.

Fuck him.

I just want to say how pleased I am that rather than sit feeling down, and thinking about him, you came onto MN to remind yourself of all the great advice you've been given, and what a lucky escape you've had. I'm so pleased that our community has been able to help. My advice would be try and keep busy doing something that will take some concentration, so that you're not thinking about him all the time. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll get over this, but in the meantime, sending you a supportive hug.

I can't thank each and every one of you enough!
You have really opened my eyes to him and myself !
Why the hell did I let a man be able to cheat on me and disrespect me in this way and still have to beg..
No way!
Never again!
FUCK HIM!

This guy, if he comes back will have such a tale of woe about why he acted that way-that is calculated to make you feel bad for him, soothe him and stops you having any friendship which may make him feel uncomfortable, most of your friendships will.

Trust issues usually mean one of you have cheated, or one/both exceptionally insecure. Learn, don't take these issues into next relationship.

He's reacting like you have cheated, if you have previously, he's no where near over it and probably won't ever be, who can blame him. But his reaction is a childish power trip, absolutely nothing to the guy who's obviously up to no good with you in his mind.

People can change their outlook and reactions, but it takes work and commitment

He has no reason not to trust me!
I can see it all now, it's all because HE was up to no good!
And funnily enough this morning I've had a call off a private number... Shall we take a wild guess who this might be 🙄

I have learned so much from this chat and was the best thing I could of done, to have this many people say the same thing has opened my eyes more than ever.
And I WILL NOT ever be put in this place by a man EVER again.
MUMSNET HAS CREATED A POWERFUL WOMAN!

Sounds like you are all set to have a fantastic time at Creamfields with your mates !🎸

He is awful. He has done you a massive favour leaving. Do not have him back. What a nob.

I certainly will forget he exists!

This is wonderful to hear! ✊️♀️❤️

Well done!! He sucks, stay away!!
I think with mumnet we can all see bits from our own life and know how we should have dealt with issues way back at the beginning. Allowing other people's insecurities /issues to manipulate how we live can happen on so many levels, be glad this escalated wildly as a few years and chips away down the line, you would be making excuses for him and focusing on how you can fix it

He will not be happy that you have taken control.
He will be back and try and draw you in.
He will try to explain away his behaviour even going so far to say sorry, blame his mental health, threats of self harm.
Anything to draw you back in.

Keeping him blocked is best.
Don't answer unknown numbers, its him.