Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

what a prick - thank god he has saved you from his controlling, shitty behaviour. Don’t ever go back, block him and make sure he has no access to your home - because these idiots have a way of crawling back-into your life and making it out to be totally your fault!!

Just keep running in the opposite direction, it’s amazing how quickly you will feel better - now you don’t have this twat dragging you down.

It’s worrying you don’t think your boyfriend’s behaviour is completely wrong! Please block him and stop wasting time on the abuser and realise your worth

Yes change the locks ASAP as you are going away this weekend.

She has blocked him.

Well, almost 400 of you haven't steered me wrong yet… 😂😂

I know it doesn't feel like it right now but what a gift he has given you. You are worth so much more than what he's made you believe you are. You were too good for him, hang on to that.

YES!

Instead I advice you to get cats....lots of cats!

I looked around a gym with my boyfriend of 10 years when I was 28, he was 31.
He was already fit, had a home gym. I was feeling like I needed to do something so I got a pass for a new place and he came with me.
Gym dude showing us around was good looking in a boy band sort of way.
My boyfriend said I am not paying for that wanker to have a job and nor should you.
However I really liked the place. It had a lovely pool and was near to work.
Maybe it was wrong of me but I joined and never told him. We didn’t live together and he worked long hours.
Things weren’t going well anyway.
He didn’t notice I was getting in shape but I can remember telling him in my birthday as I’d bought a new dress and looked great in it.
I got it all - you are shagging Boy Band Barry, the gym is attached to a hotel where you’ve been shagging Boy Band Barry. He wanted nothing to do with me, I was a slag.
And that was the end of that.
Of course I found out afterwards that he’d been up to all sorts but it was a shock at the time.
As mum used to say - they know their own tricks best! He’s kicked off on you as he’s up to no good.

Op you are better off without him, he's a controlling twat. Please don't get back with him under any circumstances.

Do you think he picked this argument to try and stop you from going?

And this is why you should talk to your friends regularly about what’s going on in your life

I cannot imagine why you have bent over backwards to try and pls your arsehole ex BF over all this time.

Give your self a shake OP and don’t let a man treat you less than you deserve in future. Wishing you well. Get out there and enjoy the freedom

Its very common not to spot a pattern and keep doing something - the important thing is, when you do see it, make a change.

I notice you seem to give yourself a very hard time, I'm insane, I've been an idiot, I feel like a fool etc. People who want control will exploit that kind of self deprecation. They will use it to make you take responsibility when they do something wrong and suggest you are the problem and they always have to compensate for you which keeps you apologising and feeling like you are not accepted in your own skin. You can talk about yourself however you wish, don't let other people put you down, the good ones will build you up.

Why does your boyfriend have massive trust issues? What did you do? If there’s no history of cheating on your side then get rid.

It’s for the best, don’t go back to him, he sounds awful!

He wanted to make you feel hurt and abandoned so you'd run after him and beg and plead.

He'll be fully expecting to unblock you in a few days and offer you forgiveness if you promise not to disrespect him like that again, or some such bullshit.

Drop the rope - don't be there. You've blocked him on everything so keep it that way and don't be surprised if he goes out of his way to try to get your attention. I'd be out a lot. He's expecting you to be relieved and welcome his reappearance at some point and may well be infuriated that you're not!

You've got this, OP. Now go and live your best life.

What did she do? What do you mean by this?

@Wittypeach
So you were with a sly aggressive manipulator and never spotted any of the signs as you bent yourself into double knots to accommodate his totally dictator charms?
Consider yourself lucky that you've escaped a man who saw you as 'property' to do whatever he felt he was unreasonably right about......

Not read the full thread because it’s far too long. Your comment about all your family being in happy relationships stood out to me. I used to feel the same so fought to make something work that was never right. I’ve now found a happy relationship and I’m so glad I eventually left what wasn’t right.

”no woman of his”

Did he buy you off Amazon or something?

Next step is to have a great weekend with your friends and remind yourself how full your life can be even when single. Be sure to tell someone the truth about what he’s really like though so you’ve got someone to check on you and call you out if you appear weak to any attempts he makes to reunite. Then once you’re back you should do the freedom programme online. It will definitely help with spotting red flags when you decide to get back out there. It costs a tenner so well worth it.

Saves you the job a few weeks/months/years down the line.

You might be sad/have muddled feelings at the moment but it’d have ended in tears one way or another.

You are much better off without this insanely jealous man. It would not get any better.

Your ex is undoubtedly a dick and you're well out of it and make sure you stay out of it.
However I'm also not entirely sure that a 20 year old male PT should be hugging random women (of any age) who are going to the gym...