Partner arranges grandparent visits for his son because his ex will not

[Idontlookyoung]

Partner insists that he should ensure his 16 yr old son sees his XW parents, as XW isn't bothered about making it happen.

He doesn't want DS missing out on seeing his GP.

I think 16 yr old DS needs to see his mum for who she is. I think his mum needs to arrange this. Not DP.

DP doesn't want his DS missing out on grandparent time, as he sees it as beneficial.

I hate that DP is still resolving his XW issues of her own causing..

How do i help him see he's being a pawn to XW?

You're wrong.
It's a good thing that your boyfriend is ensuring his DD has a relationship with her grandparents.
YABU.

Do the grandparents enhance the son’s life? If so leave them all to it.

Is there a reason that 16, he can’t arrange seeing his grandparents himself?

I think he’s doing the right thing. He’s doing it for his son.

This is your partner’s business. His son is 16, it’s not really your place to insert yourself into how he parents.
If he wants to facilitate a relationship between his son and his son’s grandparents then it’s his choice. Many women facilitate the relationship between their child and the paternal grandparents when the ex is useless.

You’d deprive DS of a relationship with his GP, the GP with a relationship with their GS, and your DP the comfort of knowing that there are two more people in his DS’s life who live him and care about him, all because you want16 year old DS to “see his mum for what she really is”? In what possible way does that help anyone. I suspect the DS at 16 has a pretty good idea who his DM really is, but even if he doesn’t, why should he? Sounds like you want to do damage to relationships that are working well all because you want to punish your DP’s ex by alienating her DS from her. That’s unhinged.

Exactly.

The ex is useless.

Why should the ex partner swoop in to resolve this?

Because he knows his son will benefit?

Because he knows his ex-inlaws will appreciate it?

Because he knows the more people who love his son the better his will cope with the problems his mother causes?

Sounds like he is great dad. You seem jealous and not very understanding of his child's needs and best interests

He is a thoughtful mature man who is ensuring that his son and his grandparents are able to maintain a close relationship. If I were him I would be considering you to be a person with issues.

Because he might be an ex partner but he isn't an ex father. He still has a duty to do what best for his child and it seems like he's doing that.
Why does it bother you so much? What difference does it make to your life how long a child that isn't yours spends with their grandparents. And how exactly if your partner being a pawn? A pawn for what? What do you think the ex's end game is here?
You sound very young and immature

I facilitated my DD’s relationship with their paternal grandparents when their father didn’t bother because it absolutely benefited them.

It shows good parenting on your partners part to assist his son in having a relationship with grandparents he wants to see.

And it can’t need much facilitating with a 16yo really.

I don’t think you should get involved. It’s up to him what he does with his son and he may feel his son benefits from seeing the grandparents. It isn’t up to you to interfere with this.

I agree that a relationship with GPS is good, but agree with PP, why aren't they organising it directly with their GS?

Because the one who suffers is his son. Do you even have to question that?

How much does your boyfriend facilitating a relationship between his child when their grandparents really impact you?

He is doing what is best for his child. Sometimes that means compensating for an inadequate parent. It really doesn’t matter if it’s her job to maintain the relationship. If the job isn’t done, it’s the child that suffers.

If you can’t support a man putting his child first, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.

Because he's trying to be a good parent.
Why are you so jealous?

Why’s she useless? She’s known her parents a lot longer than your partner has, there’s presumably a good reason she doesn’t want to encourage a relationship between them and her son. If anything it sounds like he’s undermining her to get one over on her by doing something she doesn’t support with people she doesn’t think much of. I’d question his motives if I were you.

But it’s not an "XW issue". The grandparents are people in their own right and your DH presumably likes them, and thinks it will be good for his son to continue having a relationship with them. That is not "being a pawn to XW" - if she particularly wanted her son to have a relationship with her parents surely she would have facilitated it herself.

I don’t understand why you object so strongly. Presumably it doesn’t take him long to organise, so how does it affect you?

You're giving the impression that you hate his ex so much that you’ve seized on this issue as another way of resenting her, regardless of the benefits to your step-son.

What is the actual point or benefit of what you’re trying to achieve here?

Why is it any of your business?

Because it's in DS' interests. What has it got to do with you?

Because his love for his son isn't cancelled out by hate for his ex. His or yours.

Because it's his son and he thinks it's important that his son doesn't miss out of a relationship with his grandparents because his mother is useless.

If you can't respect that you need to rethink the relationship and move on.

Team partner. He’s doing what’s best for his child, and despite splitting up with the ex, may still have a cordial relationship with ex’s parents. It happens. He’s not ‘swooping in to resolve this’ but he’s caring for his son. Definitely a green flag.