Partner arranges grandparent visits for his son because his ex will not

[Idontlookyoung]

Partner insists that he should ensure his 16 yr old son sees his XW parents, as XW isn't bothered about making it happen.

He doesn't want DS missing out on seeing his GP.

I think 16 yr old DS needs to see his mum for who she is. I think his mum needs to arrange this. Not DP.

DP doesn't want his DS missing out on grandparent time, as he sees it as beneficial.

I hate that DP is still resolving his XW issues of her own causing..

How do i help him see he's being a pawn to XW?

I get that you’re probably not a parent op, but I’m genuinely staggered that you are unaware that parents do things so that their child is happier.
it makes absolutely no difference what sex you are, you’re coming across as quite unpleasant here.

Seems to be

1. to destroy a relationship between a grandparent and their gc
2. to try to ensure her boyfriends son likes his mother less
3. to score points over the mother by making sure everyone knows she would never behave like this

childish and unpleasant

Because he cares about his son and wants him to have a relationship with his grandparents?

This is a non issue. Why is it bothering you so much. Your partner thinks it’s important for his child to have a wider relationship with his family so he is putting it in motion. He is being proactive.

most people are proactive with things that mattter to them and not with things that aren’t. The fact that they’re exw DPs isn’t relevant really.

He’s doing a good thing for HIS DS.

You need to butt out.

Because he’s a great father putting the needs of his son before his own personal opinions on his feckless ex.
Your lack of support speaks volumes!

Sounds like he's a great dad.

He quite possibly likes his ex PIL even if he's no longer married to their daughter?

I'd do this for PIL if DH and I split, because I love them.

So I think you’re both wrong. I suspect there is a reason why your stepson’s mum is not encouraging this relationship. She knows better than anyone the kind of parents and grandparents they are. My kids don’t see their grandmother. For good reason. I’d be pretty pissed at someone stepping in and inserting themselves in that situation.

But at 16, this young man surely has a phone. His grandparents can reach out to him directly and invite him for lunch or tea and biscuits. At 16, I was organising my grandfather’s care on my own sometimes. It’s perfectly old enough to have an independent relationship.

Bullshit. Women often engage with ex in laws and are routinely told they have to prioritise the needs of the child if the father wont and the grandparents are a positive influence.

And quite frankly, how is facilitating this relrionship that big a deal? I mean, a few calls/texts to arrange thing, dropping and picking up, responding to questions about birthdays and Christmas.

Its not that big a deal.

So weird that you think you should be able to dictate who an unrelated 16 year old can and cannot see.

Does your boyfriend tell you to get to fuck because this controlling attitude towards his son is a major flashing red light.

I'd say he can manage his own relationship with his grandparents, not the responsibility of either parent to facilitate he's 16 not 6.

Whys the ex useless?

I never said there was anything 'wrong', just that I would expdect a 16 year old to be in charge of their social life.

OP, sometimes parents have to do things they ‘shouldn’t’ do in order to help their kids.

You seem incredibly jealous and a bit too willing for your partners child to be hurt in order to preserve your comfort

What an awful man making sure his 16 yo has a relationship with his grandparents. Madness to care about his child like that.

LTB.

He is a great dad @StrugglingAlong75 🥰

She has no MH problems - she's a headteacher.

Partner and ex grew up 6 hours away. Son and partner (and I) have a great relationship with partners mum, and he goes to visit around 3 times a year. She comes down to stay at least twice a year...partner does a round trip to collect her for this, as she can't travel on public transport anymore.

Christmas 2025, xs parents got in touch with partner for the first time in 7 years to ask if he would meet them in a coffee shop on his short visit back so they could see their grandson. Partner rearranged things to allow this to happen as (what he thought was a)one off.

Similar thing happened on his overnight at Easter where he was just dropping his mum back home for 1 night. It meant he didn't see his mates and catch up with them.

It's now happened again for his summer trip back. XW asked partner to do it this time, as she hasn't been "able" to see her parents for over a year. Yet again, he's rearranged his schedule to enable this, having to fill one of his precious days back home with walking about and Costa whilst he waits for his son.

I can see that, after 3 times, this will now become an expectation every time he goes back.

GPs are capable of driving long distance (they do for holidays), but they choose not to do so to see their grandchild.

I am a parent @arethereanyleftatall . When i separated from my children's dad, my children were teens, with phones. Their GPs couldn't be bothered to contact them much or come to visit. The GPs could however go to another continent to visit their other GCs. Their dad never took over arranging the visits to see GPs that i had done for 15 years - that had been one of my many roles in the marriage.

So yes, i think it's important that teenagers start to see people for who they are in their lives. It's part of the journey into adulthood. If people care, they make the effort.

And to answer the question of why does it bother me, it bothers me that partner is putting himself and his timetable on the back burner because she, nor the GPs, are making the effort on the drive.

It amazes me that someone who works with children at that level can't facilitate this happening and seems to now be expecting her XH to do it for her.

Have I really just read that this father lives 6 hours away from his son and sees him 6 times per year? Why?

With regards to your ‘she makes no effort’ comment. Unless I’ve read it wrong, she’s a head teacher and does basically all the parenting?!? That is not someone who ‘makes no effort’ that is someone who is absolutely knackered.

Whoops I did just read it wrong! My apologies. I couldn’t believe it so I read it again, and you were talking about the grandparents. Phew. My apologies, I read it wrong.

This!

This is not your business. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do for his kid he should do it.

Why are you getting involved?

He is not doing anything wrong - what a good dad!

My ex pissed off to the other end of the country after we split up and as much as I really dont want to have to liaise with my ex in laws, my kids love their grandparents so I facilitate a relationship with them when they ask to see them. For the 8 and 10 yo anyway. My 18 yo makes his own arrangements to see his gp’s altho sometimes I have to remind him to message them back 🙄

But you could equally say ‘ex is a well paid headteacher but refuses to buy DSS new shoes so my DP had to buy him new ones even though the ex is supposed to fund this as per the divorce’. Your partner does it because he is a dad of a child who will benefit from new shoes/contact with his grandparents.

Yes it would be nice if his mum did it but she doesn’t, so his dad does it.