Partner arranges grandparent visits for his son because his ex will not

[Idontlookyoung]

Partner insists that he should ensure his 16 yr old son sees his XW parents, as XW isn't bothered about making it happen.

He doesn't want DS missing out on seeing his GP.

I think 16 yr old DS needs to see his mum for who she is. I think his mum needs to arrange this. Not DP.

DP doesn't want his DS missing out on grandparent time, as he sees it as beneficial.

I hate that DP is still resolving his XW issues of her own causing..

How do i help him see he's being a pawn to XW?

Bloody hell! What IS it with the totally idiotic new DP/DW of bloke with kids posts?

he’s a dad. LET HIM BE A DAD.

He is sixteen. He should be making his own social arrangements.

Because as a dad he wants the best for his children. Yabu to interfere .

Because he's doing it for his son.

If the ex wife wasn't feeding her son, or providing him with clothes, would you say your partner shouldn't do that either?

The kids Mum isn't providing something that the kid needs, so his Dad is doing it instead. He's being a good father. If you can't deal with that, then this probably isn't the relationship for you.

They may well still be friends / friendly from when they were his in-laws

it’s nice to see that relationship surviving post divorce tbh

You don’t sound much better than the ex wife. Good on your partner for prioritising his son.

Why are you even getting involved?

Your DP sounds like a good dad with questionable taste in romantic partners. Let him be.

Because your partner is rightfully looking out for his sons best interests.

Why can't the 16 year old organise this for themselves?

Wow. This would be such a reverse response if ex was a woman.

I love how partner loves his son. It's one of the many attractive things about him.

I think it's not his job to maintain a relationship for his son with his in x laws. Its his x's.

It is. But she's not doing her job, so he's doing it instead. That's what you do when you're a parent, you do whats best for your child, even when it's not what youd want to do yourself.

You've not really said why it's an issue OP? Why are you getting involved in it at all?

Ex is a woman, what are you talking about?

There are many threads here where women work to maintain a good child/grandparent relationship with their ex’s parents due to shit ex husbands. Whichever parent is delinquent, the child has done nothing wrong and good parents will try to compensate for an inadequate ex.

You don’t have to do something because you think it’s your job you can do something because you want what is best for you child. Why are you so bitter about it? How does it impact your life in anyway?

This is a “you” issue. Your DP is correct. Mothers (and sometimes fathers) everywhere fill in blanks for awful parents, that is just what decent parents do.

Don’t agree, many women facilitate the relationships between their DC and paternal grandparents. It’s not any less reasonable because it’s a man facilitating the relationships, merely less common.

There’s a whole host of things parents typically do that aren’t the bare minimum jobs of parents, going above and beyond to give your child the best life you can provide for them is a normal part of parenting.

I still can’t understand why this is bothering you so much. Can you explain why?

How is this impacting you in any way? How much organising/arranging do these visits take? You make it sound like hours of work and logistics?! Your DP sounds like a decent person and very soon his son will be an adult and it will be up to him to arrange the relationship himself - at least he will have a choice rather than not having seen his GPs for years! You sound jealous and irrationally irritated by this arrangement. It does make me wonder how long-term your relationship is likely to be with your DP.

No - it really wouldnt.

I'm sick reading this here

Partner is making sure his CHILD has a good and balanced life with people who love him. What on earth is wrong with that?

In true MN parlance - "give your head a wobble and get a grip"

I think this is lovely. It shows he is a man of honour and responsibility.

As long as they are good for the kids I would be fully supportive

Unless your partner spends every weekend driving his son from Cornwall to Inverness for this contact to take place, it's not really your business.

DP is doing the right thing by putting his child’s long term interests first.
Why do you think you should have a say in this?

This can’t be real. No one is this unempathetic and spiteful.

Are you really this shallow? He doesn’t do it for his ex like you seem to only be able to imagine, he does it for his son.

There is no my job / your job with kids. Stuff needs to happen whether it is 70/30 50/50 or 100/0. Seldom do parents decide it can just not happen.