How do you overlook daily annoyances in a happy marriage?

[SheThinksShesAllThat]

How do people stay married to someone for so long…… it’s bloody tough!

My husband of 6yrs is a lovely man but I can’t help get so annoyed at the smallest of things.

I need some advice of how to look past the really annoying things that bug me on a daily basis….. I would never leave my husband because he can’t clean up after himself 😂.

You have to accept that you are also annoying sometimes. It also helps to be on MN and read how many truly horrible partners there are out there.

Oh wait till it is 3 6 😂 you just have to work out if he is being deliberately lazy/expecting of you, or is your standards different? And you can go from there.

If it will still bug me in 6 months I’ll say something otherwise I pick my battles. Everyone is annoying.

I don’t notice anymore but I’m sure I annoy him too. He doesn’t say if he notices either. Been married very happily for 35 years

I was with my husband 42 years and then he died. I wish he was back annoying me.

Yeah I get I’m annoying no one’s perfect.

That’s nice to hear, I hope I can say I’ve been married that long.

Ah sorry to hear that. X

I guess it helps to work out what you can and can’t handle.

I get annoyed when my husband leaves the radio on in rooms he’s no longer using. But he has stopped some other habits that annoyed me more (leaving piles of loose change everywhere was at the top of the list for me).

I think you’re right to recognise that there won’t be a time that he won’t do anything annoying. It’s just part and parcel of living with someone else. I recognise that I’m annoying to live with in some ways too.

I have to do the lions share in our household because he works in a high pressured job and so I generally always working! I know we need more time together just the two of us.

What do you mean by ‘can’t clean up after himself’?

Any people living together are going to have chafing points. I just remember that I’m not always the easiest person to live with either.

It’s a mix of addressing some things in an adult way (I think that clearing up after yourself is a fairly basic ask tbh) and choosing to overlook some things. It helped me when I realised that some things are not right or wrong but just a different way to do things. For example, DH does all the washing in our house. Organises the loads, gets it dried, brings it in and puts it away. The way he dries it is odd to me - he pegs underwear onto the airer and puts the whole airer outside (or maybe it’s me thats odd, I don’t know 😂). Anyway not the way I’d do it and to start with I was a bit ‘For goodness sake what on earth is he doing with those knickers and boxers?!’ but there’s nothing objectively wrong with it - still gets the washing dried and it’s his job so up to him how he does it. So I just ignore it and choose not to think about it. And the point is, I’m sure he has to do the same with things I do.

Marriage is about entering someone else’s world and them entering yours, not doing everything to suit one person. Married 34 years btw so got the t shirt!

Our things are toothpaste spit still in the sink…. I have to clean! I do all the cleaning!
And eating so quickly at dinner, while his phone is in hands….( this is the worst for me as I always wait to have dinner with him and sometimes it’s 8/9pm)

I've told him….. he doesn’t change it! What can I do…. And so now lots of other things are just building up and we just keep arguing.

Should probably say won’t 😂

6 years - try 40! In my experience you don't ignore the daily annoyances. You bicker and squabble but as long as there are still moments of real connection every day ( competing over Wordle/ gossiping about acquaintances/ discussing films TV or books / fretting about the cat ) then you are doing ok

This is hilarious because my H does a good bit of the washing but when he hangs it out on a clothes horse it’s still folded and so still wet for a long time and then because it’s not dried properly it smells and so needs washing again, I’m just like well I’ve kinda told you and so now if any of my clothes smell they are washed and I sort them out myself.

Hold on why are you waiting until that hour for him to have dinner with you just for him to sit there with his phone in his hand?

Cook dinner for yourself at an hour.That you want to have it and heat his up when he gets home.If he's not even going to talk to you and sit on his phone, why bother waiting for him.

I guess a good test for you would be is.How would you feel if you and him broke up and he moved on with somebody else. Would you feel about him being with somebody else? If you'd be really upset, learn to overlook his faults.

Spit in the sink 🤮. I would find that absolutely disgusting. I would drag him back, every single time and make him clean it. I would never, ever clean up someone else’s spit. 🤮🤮🤮

Why are you doing all the cleaning?

Minor annoyances are easy to get past. But what you are describing sounds like disrespect from him which I would struggle to live with.

I always think to myself…. Is this really a problem? he could be a wife beater or aggressive drunk, but he’s not, therefore I can deal with it(whatever the annoyance may be), I’m sure there is stuff that is annoying him about me as well 😂

And eating so quickly at dinner, while his phone is in hands….( this is the worst for me as I always wait to have dinner with him and sometimes it’s 8/9pm)

OK that’s rude and inconsiderate and not a niggle or different way to do things. And if you’ve already spoken about it he’s not listening to what matters to you. A more serious conversation is needed. DH and I annoy each other from time to time but our underlying modus operandi is to want to make each other’s lives better not worse and to make an effort even when we’re tired .

I am going to start eating with our daughter now and he can eat by himself.
I can imagine not being with him, I do really love him I had dated for so long before him and I’ve never met a nicer man.
I think we need more date nights.

That's not really funny. I know you're trying to make light of it but he's not being respectful to you if you're forced to clean up his mess.

Over time, that equates to a lot of lost time and energy, and some of it will be to anger at his disrespect and to cognitive dissonance because you're trying to overlook his rubbish behaviour.

Nip it in the bud now, otherwise by the time you get to menopause, the chances are high that there will be no marriage left afterwards.

https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse

He works long hours. It’s kinda of expected of me to run the house hold and I don’t mind it but feel like I’m being taking the piss out of sometimes.