How do you overlook daily annoyances in a happy marriage?

[SheThinksShesAllThat]

How do people stay married to someone for so long…… it’s bloody tough!

My husband of 6yrs is a lovely man but I can’t help get so annoyed at the smallest of things.

I need some advice of how to look past the really annoying things that bug me on a daily basis….. I would never leave my husband because he can’t clean up after himself 😂.

I find the annoyance comes in a monthly cycle… I could absolutely kill him for leaving a dirty bowl on top of a dishwasher, but at other times of the month I have much more tolerance and it doesn’t bother me at all… remaining aware of my cycle helps me to keep the peace and remember it is just a phase…

This 👆 we all do annoying things. Find a way to ‘walk away’ and relax.

I'm 35 years in. There's a huge difference between disrespect and just doing things differently or having some quirks.
Anything that involves leaving a mess in your shared space and facilities is disrespectful. Particularly after bodily functions or creating cleaning tasks for the other person. Leaving a toilet dirty, bathroom covered in hairs, spit in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor, not cleaning up after making food for yourself etc is all disrespectful. If they are asked not to do it and they continue then it turns from disrespectful to contempt. Contempt will finish a relationship.
If it's about how they do things like the washing or a routine around making their tea or what food they like or don't like then it's best to just let it go. Don't sweat the small stuff. If waiting to eat with them is pissing you off, don't do it. But if you ask them to put their phone down and they don't, you're moving into the contempt area again.
It's generally about how they react to you making reasonable requests. But the request should be reasonable around actions and not critical of personality.

I’m now on some great anti-depressants and can tolerate my ex at Xmas and on holiday.
Could be an option if all else fails 😂

I agree with AnnaMagnani
Decided what's really important to you and what battles you want.
I'm 30+ plus years in, and yes we've had battles over both of us being annoying!

Toothpaste - i would say you don't mind cleaning the bathroom, washing the towels, checking the loo paper stock, etc, but would he mind giving the sink a quick rinse after he's cleaned his teeth. He might not have realised what he's doing!

Eat earlier with you DD, if you're anything like me, I'm a complete bear if i haven't eaten by 7, 8pm at the latest. 9pm would be a war zone, but DH has learnt how to read the signs of my hunger!
Have a date night once a week, fortnight, and agree rules early, set the table, no phones, watch a film etc.
Yes DH does load the dishwasher wrong! the plates still come out clean! But he makes a bloody good curry, even if he does trash the kitchen in the process.

I think sometimes you have to determine when you can put up with something for the sake of harmony and when it is just so annoying you need to say something.
So for example “I don’t want to be critical but I know this is going to bug me. Could you put your plates in the dishwasher rather than always leaving them on the side. Let me know if there’s something I’m doing that you also find irritating.”
And bear in mind that you will have equally annoying habits that you never realised you had.

I think the most important element in staying married is accepting that you, and your way of doing things is not always right, and you don’t have to be right because usually it doesn’t matter.

I am very lucky because I am the messy one. I do my absolute best to be tidy but a newspaper on the footstool doesn’t bother me, it bothers my husband immensely. Reading this it sounds like there are lots of slobby men out there!

So you exchange spit when you kiss but won’t rinse it off the sink where you don’t need to touch it? Make it make sense 🤣

I'm now crying, your husband is keeper! Sorry for the loss of your Dad.
OP, I have an XH so possibly not qualified to comment on a happy marriage but the start of the decline was his lack of engagement/respect for the household.

OK. But at one a week I might be dead before the end. But I'll give it a go.