HUsband hit me this evening

[PinkPanthreess]

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

Your children have been brainwashed. Is this a cultural thing perhaps to turn a blind eye and make excuses?

Call the police he will be interviewed and have to explain. He likely won't face prison however he will get a caution at the very least. He also may admit what he did...

You need to report to the police for a variety of reasons. Take photos of any marks poss too late now....

Top of my head...

• just because you report it doesnt mean he is charged or cps prosecute but it IS on record.
• not uncommon for abusers to claim thru are abused.
• If it escalates having having it on record is useful.
• Your chikdren are nit reliable narrators or good sources of support. Their response is fairly shocking and speaks to the fact thee has been ongoing abuse for years. Its reads as "boiled frog"
• If you have to leave rent can cost tens of thousands. Returment is a lot harder single due to hard fixed costs.
• He may try and alienate you from your childrenfurther if you leave the family home.

Their loyalty will be divided. It's not their call.

"Pushed to it" is no excuse. Are they boys?

Sounds like you've all been groomed to accept his poor behaviour.

Set an example OP, and show them that violence is NEVER ok in any relationship by reporting it. If you don't you're letting them think it's OK. And it's not.

Absolutely. He'll do it, or worse, again. I'm sorry that you've had to experience abuse from your husband.

This. Phone the police. They may be useless but there will be a trail.

Op, It sounds like you are from a different culture where you probably feel shame about such things?
I was reading recently about men hitting their wives in ' the old days' and the women tolerated it because that was their lot, so to speak. The writers mil had put up with it long enough so one night whilst he was asleep, she tied him to the bed with a washing line. Then poured boiling water on him. She told him he has to go to sleep and there would be more of the same if he carried on.

OP, according to something I heard in the radio, women have been hit/attacked an average of seven times by the time they decide to call the police or get help. Don’t put yourself in that position. Call the police from your mother’s to register it: tell them you’re safe but it’s not the first time and you want his DV on record. Sadly, as you well know, once a man has done it once he’ll do it again, and it just gets a bit worse each time. You don’t want to live in fear in your own home - you need to see a solicitor asap and end your marriage.

I would call the police, you ideally need to stay in your home with the DC. They might be able to get him to leave.

They have specially trained units and very effectively persuaded exH that he needed to leave (no actual violence at that point but emotional abuse etc). Our kids were younger though so they used child protection as leverage.

This. They don’t get a say and their victim blaming is making them part of the problem. It happened because your H is abusive. He needs to be reported. That’s all that matters. 🪷

It's worrying that they think their father was "pushed to it".

Violence is only acceptable when it's self-defence or in defence of another person who's being assaulted.

Call the police, tell them he hit you last night , you are frightened and that you have locked yourself in the spare room. They can come to the house and help you leave safely and or arrest him. I got a restraining order so that my husband couldn’t come near me or the house. There is no going back from this so take a deep breath and do the right thing.

OP - when you say your “community” do you mean ethnic community? I understand some cultures take a different view to how to treat women.

If this is the case, it’s even more important your DC understand this isn’t acceptable, or it could be repeated in their relationships.

They will investigate. It’s your choice whether you do or don’t but I think the benefits are;

1. it shows him and DC that it’s never ok and there are consequences
2. it logs it in case of escalation
3. it adds to the statistics to help us as a society understand the degree of the issue
4. It honours your self worth and right to feel safe and free from physical harm.

Hope you are doing ok.

Your DC don't want you to call the police??

If this happened to my mother, she would be calling the police, not because my dad assaulted her but because I'd kill the bastard with my bare hands.

Phone the police OP!!!

Hope you're safe this morning and have reported to the police, your DCs priority to protect their father and minimise the violence is concerning.

Please please ring the police! My friend was in a similar position to you and didn’t go the police until weeks later as her ex launched a campaign of stalking and harassment after he grabbed her round the throat and she left him.
He has managed to alienate one of her children against him, has sent a solicitors letter demanding full custody and spun a narrative that she “drove him to it” (how people even accept that as an excuse i’ll never know)

please report it to the police

You do need to leave. Please do it.

Hello op how are you this morning? You must report this to the police. Your dc need to learn their dad is a cunt who hit their mum and has done it before, it doesn’t matter if they “love” him he’s a woman beater. I wouldn’t love my dad - in fact I’d help my mum ring the police. Nobody should be hitting women. Men need to realise they can’t get away with stuff like this. At all. Ever. Are you out and at your mums?

I find it really concerning that your male DC are in on the “you pushed him to it” lie. This doesn’t bode well for how their lives will proceed.

you need to call the police for that reason alone.

Is there any support group or innitiative from your community?

If you decide to leave. Know that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman. Do it when he isn't around and don't go back.

Hope you are ok OP?

This happened when you were in writing your other post about being bullied by a narcissist in your group of friends… I believe you mentioned your husband hitting you there as it happened.

In that post you were looking for assistance in making a plan to exclude a woman you intensely disliked from your friendship group.

Did this have something to do with the sudden outbreak of domestic violence? Did your husband disagree with one of your plans?

There is no excuse for violence. I hope you called the police.

Your children may believe this was reactive abuse - but that’s still not ok.

How would you feel if your DC rang you to say their DH/DW had hit them?

How would you feel if one of the DCs wound him up and he hit them 4 times?

Unless you were blocking the door, he had the option to walk away.
He could have also hit you once and been done but what’s the excuse for hitting you 4 times.

No matter how much someone ‘pushes your buttons’ you don’t physically attack them.

I would be going to the police to show my kids that this is unacceptable behaviour and that they should never put up with it in their own relationships.

Your DC may be upset either way you at first but I’d rather my child be upset with me but not put up with this behaviour in their own relationship, than think this is normal behaviour or that they’re somehow to blame if it ever happened to them.