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Relationships

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How do you interpret what’s happening?

121 replies

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 00:56

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out there entire relationship. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area. Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.
How would you interpret this? Thanks

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 01:17

So you don’t think a friendship is worth it or possible atp?

OP posts:
DontBotherJustChooseYourself · 30/07/2026 01:25

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

This is on point^.

Is he being forced to marry her?

No, thought not.

So he's going to fuck up someone's life, because as Fionnula says, he's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it.

Don't let him fuck up yours too, OP.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 30/07/2026 01:30

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 01:17

So you don’t think a friendship is worth it or possible atp?

The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut him off completely. He is marrying another woman but wants to keep you on the back burner for when he feels the urge to use you. He has no intention of being your friend.

outerspacepotato · 30/07/2026 01:36

You weren't good enough for a relationship or a friendship without sex but now that he's got the serious relationship, he'll keep you on as a side chick.

Don't you find that insulting? This is not a friend, this is a man who wants to use you for sex while lying to his wife to be and cheating on her and that will cause her huge trauma when she finds out. It prevents you from moving on with your life without a cheating loser screwing you up as well.

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 30/07/2026 01:48

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 01:17

So you don’t think a friendship is worth it or possible atp?

Of course it bloody isn't. Give your head a wobble.

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 03:37

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

Okay thanks for your insight, I wasn’t sure what to make of his behaviour

OP posts:
Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 03:39

WerewolfOfLoudon · 30/07/2026 01:30

The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut him off completely. He is marrying another woman but wants to keep you on the back burner for when he feels the urge to use you. He has no intention of being your friend.

Oohhh okay, thanks
I wasn’t sure wondering why he insists on keeping in touch with me after all that

OP posts:
Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 03:40

outerspacepotato · 30/07/2026 01:36

You weren't good enough for a relationship or a friendship without sex but now that he's got the serious relationship, he'll keep you on as a side chick.

Don't you find that insulting? This is not a friend, this is a man who wants to use you for sex while lying to his wife to be and cheating on her and that will cause her huge trauma when she finds out. It prevents you from moving on with your life without a cheating loser screwing you up as well.

I do find it insulting, he often says we’re friends and that he values me in that way, but it is kind of odd to keep me in this wierd manner

OP posts:
Motnight · 30/07/2026 03:42

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

The only response that you need to read, Op!

TheWaryBlueTraybake · 30/07/2026 03:42

He wants to use you for sex. He's not a nice man or a good partner, or friend. You can block him.

Mymsy · 30/07/2026 03:44

You’re extra sex.

auntiemaryhadaredcanary · 30/07/2026 04:10

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

This ^ with big brass bells on - run !

Gonegirl0825 · 30/07/2026 04:16

Mymsy · 30/07/2026 03:44

You’re extra sex.

Extra sex really

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 30/07/2026 04:40

Why so passive? What do YOU want out of life?

We don't have to sit around waiting for men to 'reach out' you know.

Tablesandchairs23 · 30/07/2026 05:00

Why haven't you cut him off already. He wants you as a side piece. Get rid.

CurlewKate · 30/07/2026 05:44

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/07/2026 00:58

He's a cheating piece of shit who wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'd cut all contact with him and move on.

This. Absolutely THIS!

donotgettheangst · 30/07/2026 06:14

Step away. There is no mystery here.

CamillaMcCauley · 30/07/2026 06:21

He’s a user. His fiancée obviously has some kind of skills or assets that he can only extract from her via marriage, cause he’s clearly not marrying for love. He wants to use you for ego massage and easy sex on the side.

category12 · 30/07/2026 06:39

He likes shagging you. He'd like to have both.

He's not really your friend.

whippersnapper55 · 30/07/2026 06:45

What a scumbag! He's wanting to line you up as his fuck buddy while preparing to marry someone else. Tell him to go fuck himself. Feel sorry for his fiancé.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/07/2026 06:52

I wonder if he wants a back up option if he decides he's not happy with his sex life with his partner.

Enrichetta · 30/07/2026 06:57

It’s rather sad that you even need to ask. Consider working on your self esteem.

curious79 · 30/07/2026 06:59

You are the friend with benefits, who hasn’t demanded much from him, and he’s hoping he can keep you on the side.

What do you want? The occasional shag with a married man, or an actual relationship with someone else?

xOlive · 30/07/2026 07:04

He’s a piece of shit.
He doesn’t see you as girlfriend material, to him you’re just good for a shag.
So he’s spinning you the “attraction” line hoping you don’t mind being strung along, waiting for his next text of “are you free tonight”.

His poor fiancée 😥
Block him, he’s no friend of yours.

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