How do you interpret what’s happening?

[Gonegirl0825]

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out there entire relationship. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area. Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.
How would you interpret this? Thanks

TBH this is the question I’ve been grappling with the entire day, why invite me to his engaging mental when there’s still all this unresolved stuff going on with him (the desires he continues to express to me)
but you’re right, it might be some kind of power/ego trip. This is actually making me feel sick.
Now that I know, I’m stepping back for good thank you

Ohhhh 😕

Thanks, I’m gonna walk

Are you for real?? if he wanted you hed have make you his girlfriend you had a friends with benifits situation with him and hed like to keep the benifits, you didnt have a deep emotional relationship with him or he wouldnt be engaged to someone else. .. give your head a wobble

Why are you sending a single second thinking about this awful man? Why waste brain cells on interpreting this behavior when you could do just about anything else in the world?
Find a hobby. Read a good book. Watch something you have been waiting to watch.
Don't waste a second more of your life thinking about him.

Thats a big leap, bc I don’t get anything out him ‘desiring me’ … at the end of the day he’s not choosing me and I had already distanced myself.
I’ve repeatedly said this, even to him and i literally said I’ve been trying to make it a platonic friendship, but he’s the one resisting that for some reason
This was clarifying though, maybe I just need to do a hard block

He has had you as a fuck buddy in the past and wants it again- what's in it for you , he obviously can't or won't commit.

Its not ODD there are a great great many that will do that if you let them, ffs, hes keeping your cos you sleep with him, its easy and a quick thrill, NEVER sleep with a man that calls you is "friend" fts!

Clarifying
thank you

@Gonegirl0825 "I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. "

Seriously? He wants you to be his "shag on the side". Perfect set up for any bloke.

“I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now.”

I think the answer to this question is glaringly and depressingly obvious.

What a twat.

Poor OP. He really did a number on you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we don't see the truth until a major event occurs. Like a marriage. Please cut this man out of your life and focus on yourself going forward. Best of luck to you.

Thanks, appreciated. Also What do you mean till a marriage? You mean it’d become more obvious when that happens?

Op definitely do some work to boost the old self esteem, you can’t be in a great place to be entertaining this. Sorry you’ve encountered such a shit. That poor woman is making the biggest mistake of her life.

With all the clarifying ‘so you think this too?’ questions it almost feels like you want someone to say ‘no op, he’s reaching out for intimacy because secretly it’s you he wants!’ It’s not. he wants a comfort couch to give him an extra ego and cock stroke once married.

Men do what’s convenient and chase what’s unattainable. You have proved in the past you could be willing to be convenient, that’s the end of the maths.

OP are there other less complicated friendships in your life? You need to move on from this creep.

A comfort couch is sounding more and more accurate. This is hard to hear but it’s also very clarifying. Thank you.
I guess I’ve reached the end of the maths I’ve been trying to solve

Yeah I have some great girlfriends, he’s the only complex connection I have but everyone is saying he just wants to have cake & eat it

I may have sounded a bit brutal but I sympathise, It deeply sucks to realise someone you thought liked you for you actually likes you because of what you might do for him. Cut this loser off and blossom!

Thanks,& it’s good I do well with tough love
It’s just a shitty situation I found myself in. Surely if I leave this ill be better off
surely it doesn’t happen again

@Gonegirl0825 it sounds like the problem isn’t him (other than him being a massive tool) it’s your hope that there is something more there. I suspect this girlfriend and subsequent engagement have left you feeling discarded and you’re desperate to see that you meant more to him. You need to work on your self worth. It is not defined by him or his contact with you. You’re more than that. Block and delete and start to think about what you want for yourself! Reliable friends and love that is action based. You deserve better, believe it!

Or so he can tell his fiancée “see OP and I are just friends! Why would I invite her to our engagement party if there was anything going on?”

This first post nails it

OP he's resisting the 'platonic friendship' because he doesn't want that.

It really is that simple.

A platonic friendship won't give him;

1. The ego boost of you always ready and willing in the wings, despite him choosing another woman over you. He's exerting his 'power' over you.
2. The opportunity to have extra marital sex whenever he wants it.
3. The ego boost of seeing you and his fiancee/wife together and knowing he's shagging both of you.
4. The ego boost of knowing all the women in his life are either family or fuck buddies, cos you will not be the only one.
5. The thrill that even though he's made it clear to you, and the others, that he's in a committed relationship, he can sweet talk you to do just about anything, just by calling you his 'friend' 🙄
6. The kudos amongst his male friends for being able to be a serial cheater and get away with it so blatantly! I'll bet they were high fiving each other after the bloody engagement party ffs !

Basically, being his so called 'friend' is all about his wants/needs/desires and bugger all about you or what's good for you...

There is ZERO upside for you to continue being in contact with this 'man' at all.

OP, I agree with every other poster - he certainly doesn’t have your interests at heart so block him asap and move on. That’s easy to say and I can actually see how this is situation played out for you so don’t be too hard on yourself BUT what you must do now is take some proper practical steps to distance yourself. Book a weekend away somewhere you wouldn’t normally go, visit a museum, connect with a friend you haven’t seen for a while, have a facial, go on a course on a subject that interests you, buy a plant and nurture it, do anything. Keep busy. This may sound obvious and maybe you don’t like my suggestions, so create your own, but believe me, after a couple of weeks you’ll feel a lot better for it. Just start.

Cop on op, I'm sorry but he ain't a friend.