How do you interpret what’s happening?

[Gonegirl0825]

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out there entire relationship. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area. Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.
How would you interpret this? Thanks

A "normal friendship" is reciprocal, without any nod to the possibility of sex with each other.

He is only interested in his own wants, not being a real friend to you.

It could be interesting to say you're OK with a friendship in which there is no chance whatsoever for him to be intimate with you. Watch the panic in his eyes.

hey, can you be my side piece? I love Lola but I'd still like to fuck you. thanks"

Do you want a relationship with him OP? A proper one I mean.

I think it’s extremely hard to pull back a friendship once it has become sexual. It’s not fair on future partners and once you have crossed the boundary there is no putting it back up. You can’t go back in time and pretend you haven’t seen their orgasm face!

I agree with everyone that now he’s in a long term relationship with someone he sees a future with (because he didn’t see that with you!) he wants some attention for a thrill. If he seriously valued your friendship he wouldn’t be trying to make it about his sexual attraction to you or be confiding about his sex life. He is doing this because that’s the only part he’s interested in. He has his soon to be wife to chat about his day and life problems.

He is grooming you to feel important enough to him that you will compromise your integrity and boundaries and be the OW. I would be thankful that he never wanted a future with you as it shows how he treats people he apparently loves.

Because you are still entertaining him and have not cut off access. Change your number or block him. He's keeping you warm, like a meal he's not quite finished with and wants to keep until later just in case he's hungry again. Deep down you know what his motives are, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.

So you think it’s all for benefits too

He's planning to marry someone else..it would be wrong to keep this weird thing between you going..End it.. She wouldn't want it..Think of her if nobody else.

He wants you as his side piece. Duh.

How would you interpret this? Thanks

To put it bluntly you are his back up sex. A friends with benefits which is perfectly fine if both of you are single BUT he is with someone he's choosing and wanting to marry.

As others have said this man is a cheating POS who has the morals of an allycat. I bet you aren't the only backup for sex either, there will be another one or two just like you. Block him. He's no friend.

Yes, benefits for him.

It doesn't sound as if you would get much out of resuming contact with him.

Instead of focussing on the engaged man, forget him entirely. He's irrelevant, he does not exist to you.
Focus on yourself. Your standards, work on zero tolerance for shit male behaviour, only allow a man to be in your company if he consistently demonstrates (actions) he is intelligent, feminist, and life enhancing.

No one's this dense.....someone's having a laugh.

I mean, It probably seems obvious from the outside but I’m too close to the situation to see clearly
besides, have you never been in a situation that messed with your head

True, maybe I just need to pretend he no longer exists because this is making me feel so spun around. Thanks

I’m pretty good at creating distance, I don’t reach out
Its just that when he does I’m usually just hoping he’s just wanting a clean friendship
Might’ve been naive of me

True, there’s probably a lot of other women in the mix
i wasn’t sure because he seems like he cares as a friend but then blurs lines so much
thanks for your insight

@Gonegirl0825 you can do it! You have nothing to gain from the relationship. Put it behind you.Find a real connection with someone. You'll be fine X

To be blunt, he thinks you're an easy and convenient occasional sex option, keeping you dangling. Wise up. You're gullible to his lies and flattered that he pursues this non relationship with you. Don't take his crumbs. Don't be second best. Realise you are worth more and block him. 💐

I do feel like our history makes it hard to have boundaries and it was maybe naive of me to think it would be a platonic friendship
besides, he needs to focus on his marriage (upcoming) and stop reaching for people from his past
Thanks for ur insights

I can tell you exactly why he invited you to his engagement party. He got a kick out of it.

It wasn't because you were his friend, he did it so he could have his fiancée and his girl-on-the-side in the same room and feel good about himself. That poor woman, she's making the biggest mistake of her life with this loser.

I'd put money on the fact you weren't the only 'friend with benefits' in that room. Absolutely put money on it.

That's who he is. Now how do you feel about this 'friend'? He's basically been using you for unpaid sex and thought so little of you that you'd agree to help him cheat on his future wife. Friends don't do that.

Question now is, what are you going to do now you know?

Men who are good men don’t ’blur lines’ with any women when they’re engaged to be married. He’s scum.

Why do you want him even as a friend? ... Be honest, I think realistically, you enjoy the fact that he fancies you, and you feel as if you're 'beating the competition' (his wife) by assuming he finds you more physically and sexually attractive than her.

Yes, he wants to shag you, but he's the type of man who'd probably want to screw anyone who hands it on a plate, just like you do. You're not special.

I think you know you're being used, so you need to ask yourself why you're prepared to let someone use you like that. Work on your self esteem.

He is a full red flag! I would cut all contact move on with your life and let him do the same. He's kept you around and tried to push boundaries even while he's in a relationship probably to see how willing you would be to get entangled in his bullshit he's obv looking for an affair. Do not stopp so low and allow yourself to be involved in this. He is not a friend. He is engaged he's chose his life and you should steer well clear as I'm sure his fiance would be heartbroken to know what a pos he is and you don't want to be the one he gets caught cheating with

If a man is trying to cheat on his fiance with you, think about how cruel that is.
His fiance thinks she is marrying the man she loves and before the ring is on her finger he’s trying to cheat.
Men do not marry a woman they are sexually incompatible with. Perhaps if they were much much older and they were marrying for companionship - but I’m talking people 50 years older than you.
Unless he’s marrying her for some other reason - money?
You need to work on your boundaries and your opinion of yourself - he’s not reaching out because he cares he’s doing it for your attention.
Every single reply on here is the same - he’s not a good man.
Question is will OP listen?