How do you interpret what’s happening?

[Gonegirl0825]

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out there entire relationship. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area. Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.
How would you interpret this? Thanks

Omg! I actually tried to imagine why he’d invite me and this is what I thought of.
because when you think about, the way he interacts with me privately isn’t really respectful

He wants to shag you, keep well clear of him.......

Omg thank you for explaining this to me. You may have just cracked the whole code, coz this makes sense now. Honestly I was wondering why someone who calls me a “friend” would be so resistant to me shutting down the sexual/intimate lane altogether
and the only reason I did so is because I don’t want to be the other woman or be at a disadvantage. Turns out he really does benefit from it hey

It's really not that hard to figure it out. You just didn't want to see it. So you kept going with the analysis because it enabled you to avoid the dark truth staring you in the face.

He doesn't really care about you. He's using you for sex and an ego boost. That's it. Simple as that. No psychological analysis required.

You've been had.
Hoodwinked
Bamboozled.

Now pull yourself together and stop giving this headspace. It's bordering on self indulgence now. You have the facts, the next decision is up to your character.

Another thing - “My wife fiancée doesn’t understand me” is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

How devastated do you think she would feel if she knew the true nature of the 'friendship' between you and her future husband?

Been there, done that. It always comes around to what THEY need and how you can make the friendship work. It doesn't work for you.

I’ve been had. I accept this now. Thank you
I’ll get myself together

Thank you so much for ur advice. I’ll do this

Thank you

I had a "friendship" like this. It was FWB but I didn't realise and I really fell for him. He eventually made it clear he didn't want more from me and met somebody else. Expected we would remain in touch. For my own sanity I cut him out as I couldn't bare it. It took me a while to realise "it wasn't me, it was him"!

It's just a script. He tells you he cares about you to keep you hanging around waiting for him to grace you with his (must be a golden) cock when HE wants to. He does not give one single, miniscule, iota of care about you or he wouldn't be trying to get you to talk about sex every time he contacts you. That is all he thinks of you, an available and willing vagina.

Do your self esteem a massive favour and block him. You are letting him control you - why? Don't fool yourself into thinking you are special to him in any way, you are just a convenient option for him.

I just put this on another thread (about some prize who treats his partner as a dress up beauty doll).
Run, run, run, fast as you can. Yes, I'm clearly going mad with inactivity, but even if I wasn't, I'd say run from men like these, there are plenty of decent ones who can commit and have proper relationships.

I think listen to his actions, not his words.
We can't say on here whether there is a genuine friendship aspect or not, except that you haven't mentioned it: you haven't said about great conversations, laughs, emotional support, going to fun gigs , or other friend things.
You've said about him always taking it in a direction of intimacy /sex, and that's what we have to go on.
His actions are saying that's what he wants even if his words are saying something else. Maybe there's genuine friend stuff too but from here his actions are coming through loud and clear.
Sorry op, sounds hurtful.

His poor girlfriend, if you have no respect for yourself and tell him to get lost at least have some respect for her

Does he take your interactions to more intimate places in front of the person he is going to marry? Thought not

there is no mystery here. You either allow him to use you your body while promised or married to someone else … or you don’t.

It wouldn't stay at friendship Op, I would warn his fiancee, he doesn't deserve either of you

She is right Op, absolutely nailed on

His actions mean nothing Op, other than that he wants to cheat on his fiancee with you whenever he feels like it, he's keeping you both hanging and prob feeling very smug about it. Muster your self esteem, block him and have no further contact, when he turns up begging slam the door

Give your head a very big shake Op, open your eyes wide and believe everyone who tells you no good will come from this. When he's found out cheating on his fiancee with you, you will be equally to blame for ruining this poor girls life

What an awful man!
He's not your friend.