Consistently Ignored by SIL in whatsapp group

[BellaElla123]

I am in a inlaw whatsapp group and one member, my sister in law, consistently ignores my posts/photos and gushes (and I mean gushes!) on everyone elses. It's like she is making an ingroup with the other members of the group and excluding me. I am nearly sure she is jealous of me for a number of reasons, mostly that we are well off, can afford holidays abroad etc. That is ok, I can understand that, she is very insecure. But I don't know how to deal with her posts/photos going forward.. Should I ignore/comment on hers? My husband says to keep being kind and stick to my values, not to let it upset me. But it's so mean spirited and I comment /like through gritted teeth. What would you do?

I am with Team DH

Never ever give air or attention to bad behaviour. Just ignore her childish behaviour. No reaction gets them mad. Kill it with kindness in real life. Over the top shit in person. She wants to get to you so don't let it. Don't reward it with attention.

I agree with your DH. Kill her with kindness.

I find it really annoying when people say don’t let it upset you when it does. It’s a bit like oit your feelings aside to keep the peace . I would try and show others what she’s like by asking her a friendly question in there - let the evidence speak for its self

I don't really see how her not interacting with your posts is creating an in-group. Presumably other people interact with you?

It's not worth your mental energy to be checking who responds to what.

Just be nice and don't buy into any strife. It's a family chat. Team Dh.

Yes, you take the high road and take your dh’s advice. It will probably get to her more to think you don’t notice her passive aggressive behaviour and to see that you’re more gracious to her than she is to you.

What does it matter she doesn’t like or heart your WhatsApp’s? Are they all about your hols or material things that’s why you think it’s jealousy?

Don’t take the high road! Leave the group or ignore all her posts. Killing with kindness makes you look desperate.

I bet if you pointed it out she would act shocked and have some reasonable reason why she’s doing it. You’d look crazy unfortunately.

I don’t believe in killing with kindness but I do believe in matching energy. I did that with my SIL and now neither of us bother with the other.

Matching their energy! Perfect.

If I asked a question she will answer. But she wont acknowledge my posts, like or comment but will on everyone elses.

So what I mean by ingroup is when 2 people are chatting in the group she will join in the conversation but if I am chatting about something she will never interact.

Love this, thanks!

Yes I can't say anything because she will act shocked and make excuses and i'll look like the awkward one. It's passive aggresive behaviour.

Goodness no! Not showing off things or holidays! And then you're other question, I'd love to have your self esteem! She is actively going out of her way to not cheer on me but doing it for everyone else.

Who else is in the group? If it's all her family then maybe she feels more comfortable chatting to the others. You would be an outsider in that situation and it may be better to just accept that. You don't know for sure she is being passive aggressive so just ignore it.

Its my DH family whatsapp group. Both me and her are married in to it.

The best way to kill your enemies is to drown them in cream….

Don’t rise to the bait, ignore it and eventually they will either give up or change tactics. It will become obvious to everyone that you are not the problem… (speaking from experience both with a vile SIL and also an alcoholic colleague).

Do you actually have a relationship with her?

I would go with what your husband says.

The others in the group will probably notice and think she’s rude.

Trust your instincts. She resents you for some reason and do not forget that. She will be judging everything you do. Don’t trust her, get too close etc. Keep a low profile in the group, live your life and forget about her.

In my experience there’s nothing you can do to change her mind and she is not worth wasting any time over. Some people are just weird like this and they are best given a wide berth. I have encountered two people like this in my life and they wreak a lot of damage if you let them. The tell tale signs are a litter of poor personal relationships, fallings out and lots of drama.

Just be grateful you’ve clocked it before you get hurt.

She lives far away from me but visits the mother in law one weekend a month which is near me

I don’t understand why so many people think they should lower their standards of behaviour, because someone else has. It makes no sense.
You shouldn’t be learning how to behave from her, you should know better.

Because some of us refuse to be treated like that. You take the higher ground. No one cares or thinks highly of you. Well I wouldn’t. I’d think stand up for yourself you melt.

But that’s me. Sometimes quiet in dignity is best. But this is family WhatsApp! I’d laugh but I think you are serious.

So not really.

I just think is it worth it? She's one person. It's a family whatapp. She's not actively being awful to you, she's just not interacting.

You'd look ridiculous if you said this out loud to your in-laws "oh she never likes or comments on anything I do in the chat". It just sounds petty and precious.

If you respond in kind, you're running the risk of escalating it and you looking like the wanker.

It's hard to walk these things back.

You both still have the opportunity to build a better relationship with each other over time. I would just continue to be nice.