Consistently Ignored by SIL in whatsapp group

[BellaElla123]

I am in a inlaw whatsapp group and one member, my sister in law, consistently ignores my posts/photos and gushes (and I mean gushes!) on everyone elses. It's like she is making an ingroup with the other members of the group and excluding me. I am nearly sure she is jealous of me for a number of reasons, mostly that we are well off, can afford holidays abroad etc. That is ok, I can understand that, she is very insecure. But I don't know how to deal with her posts/photos going forward.. Should I ignore/comment on hers? My husband says to keep being kind and stick to my values, not to let it upset me. But it's so mean spirited and I comment /like through gritted teeth. What would you do?

OP: I responded earlier suggesting that you don't show SiL you've even noticed her perceived SM slights.

In view of what you later say about her offline behaviour being perfectly warm and civilized, my opinion has changed. You appear hypersensitive to her online interactions, but if these don't tend to reflect your actual relationship then I'd allow for the possibility that you're reading too much into her absence of emojis.

This situation is probably a good candidate for 'don't sweat the small stuff'. If you're actively looking for a reason to take offence then you're likely to find it. Life's far too short.

And yet the OP describes her SIL as 'warm' and 'very civil' in person.

I don’t see it this way though.

it really winds up dick heads like this when you pretend you are blissfully unaware.

Its a fool proof response- it really winds them up while making you look gracious and above such pettiness.

Yes that’s a little strange. In my personal life I am snubbed in person. Don’t get birthday msgs or a card etc, can’t even make eye contact. Social media is a problem when it comes to communication, so much space for misunderstanding. But if it bothers the OP then it bothers her. Not that you can do much about it other than ignore it.

Um. Ok. I’m confused about your point. Do you think women who aren’t always kind and lovely have no friends? We do. (That’s what you wondered right?)

It has nothing to do with being 'kind and lovely', simply that there's an obvious correlation between Mners who advocate all kinds of insane responses (to, let not forget, a perfectly nice SIL who is 'warm and very civil' in person, and whose worst sin is apparently not engaging with the OP on the family WhatsApp) and the cohort of Mners who are friendless.

No one in their right mind would want to be around someone who counted the number of times an individual had responded to them on a family WhatsApp, and left the group in high dudgeon, 'called her out', responded with passive-aggressiveness to every one of her messages, or some of the other batshit crazy responses a minority of posters have advocated. Because who would have the patience for dealing with any of that nonsense?

Also, and I think this bears repeating because it seems controversial to some Mners -- it's OK to dislike people. Not everyone will like everyone. SILs are only in one another's lives because of who they happened to marry, so its a lottery. If your dislike makes you behave rudely, that's not OK, but people need to come to terms that there will always be someone who dislikes them, and this doesn't imply there's anything wrong with them or the other person.

If the SIL here is 'warm and very civil' in person, then she's doing nothing wrong.

Why are you using personal insults in an Internet discussion?

Calling a poster unhinged for disagreeing with you adds no strength to your argument.

So nasty.
There is no need for these personal attacks on people you disagree with.

Mine does it face to face too! Sent me a birthday card one year about ugly women, which was obviously a cheap dig. Goes out of her way to be OTT nice to others at family gatherings, but I get shouted at - usually if it’s just us. She’s overstepped many boundaries over the years and now I avoid being left on my own with her, I do not share anything personal, I do not message her and we have 350 miles between us so thankfully it’s a handful of times a year. The moment you put in place your own boundaries the easier and better this behaviour becomes. It becomes laughable.

Your SIL sounds the silliest of idiots. Well done for keeping distance.

You’re certain she’s jealous of you because you’re well off and presumably she’s not. Do you think she perhaps senses a slight superiority complex on your part? I’m also not sure why you need to be “cheered on” by someone with whom you barely have a relationship, and who apparently resents you.

It's not a 'personal attack' at all! Merely a general observation that many people on here are unskilful at friendships and hence massively magnify the situations where they are thrust into proximity to other people eg ILs, school run parents, colleagues etc.

I don’t cheer on anyone but my children. I don’t cheer on my own brother and we get on just fine. That is the relationship my SIL wanted, every time she made a cake or something she’d post a picture and everyone would clap. I could not be arsed. If it was something big then yes it’s nice to applaud. Jokes and days out and shared days together etc are posts I would make and get ignored. I think many group chats are just a performance. I’m not a gushy person so perhaps others are, I’m not interested in someone’s latest knitting project, all personal things to keep to yourself.

You felt uncomfortable that I’m not a door mat to others behaviour. So you attempted to make a dig under the guise of a general observation.

Do you often do that to people in real life who disagree with you?