Consistently Ignored by SIL in whatsapp group

[BellaElla123]

I am in a inlaw whatsapp group and one member, my sister in law, consistently ignores my posts/photos and gushes (and I mean gushes!) on everyone elses. It's like she is making an ingroup with the other members of the group and excluding me. I am nearly sure she is jealous of me for a number of reasons, mostly that we are well off, can afford holidays abroad etc. That is ok, I can understand that, she is very insecure. But I don't know how to deal with her posts/photos going forward.. Should I ignore/comment on hers? My husband says to keep being kind and stick to my values, not to let it upset me. But it's so mean spirited and I comment /like through gritted teeth. What would you do?

one bit of wisdom- this woman is unlikely to ever change her behaviour towards you anytime soon

accept that you have done nothing wrong and this is about her not you

don’t bother raising it - as you say you’ll look a bit crazy

live your best life and reduce your focus on her

personally I would not really put efforts into liking her comments and pics etc because life is a two way street, your time is important and you should direct it where it’s appreciated

She just doesn't like you? That's fine. It's fine for someone just not to be that keen on you. You're only in one another's lives by accident.

Seriously? And you don't think that how she is in person is more important than her not putting a heart emoji on your WhatsApps? How can anyone be this juvenile?

And people can read too much into online stuff.

What actual good does it do OP to be put out by a lack of SIL emojis?

The woman is perfectly nice in person. Getting into a pissing match over WhatsApp is ridiculous.

Yeah I get that. Personally I go by behaviour. If they decent in person then that’s enough really, that’s all you can ask for.

My SIL the first time I met said all women are bitches. She hated girls at school so simply doesn’t care for “girlfriends”. So unfortunately I was lumped into that. Sad for all the cousins though as they have no relationship as they kept away.

Group chats as a medium for keeping in touch inevitably highlight or heighten the dynamics of social contact. If you can't ignore something, come off the chat. If coming off it feels like big cost to pay for someone else showing their true colours then live with it.

My SIL and I have opposite personalities, we did have a monumental falling out about a decade ago. Nothing minor it involved her behaviour at the funeral of our child. She was banned from my house it’s the only wobble in my marriage ever of getting on to 30 years. It has cooled now and we see each other, I am bloody delightful and kill her with kindness. If DH dies before me I will not see her again.

No such thing as killing somebody with kindness.

All that does is teach them that they can treat you badly and get away with it.

Stand up for yourself.

I’d mute the group and put it in locked chats. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe ♥️ something occasionally and wish people happy birthday. You’re busy.

But the SIL has by no stretch of the imagination treated the OP 'badly'! She lives far away, so they presumably see little of one another outside of family events, but the OP admits that in person she is perfectly civil, even warm.

I can't imagine being in an inlaw whatsapp group. Maybe a general family group that includes inlaws? Just seems a bit cliquey. Do you want to be in this group because I'm interested to know what the point of it is and what you're getting out of it? Are the inlaws ganging up on the rest of the family? If it were me, I'd leave the group because inlaws posting loads of pics of anything would turn me right off. Can't people just live in the moment?

I would match her energy and not make a fuss of her posts either but continue to be active on the group and never say anything.

I think a lot of the reason for conflict between SILs (speaking generally) is that there's a higher expectation on women to be friendly and social and pleasant. No one would think twice if two BILs didn't interact.

OP, if she's warm to you in person, maybe she feels like she needs to make more effort with others in the group because she doesn't see them in person? Either way, I'd try not to give it much thought. Don't feel obliged to like her posts or comment, but don't avoid to teach her a lesson.

I agree with this. Just behave politely and keep it civil. There’s no need to be overly friendly towards her and no need to leave the group or confront her.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s just an unimportant WhatsApp group. I would just ignore her.

This, and, frankly, anyone who thinks that this is worth a flouncing departure or some kind of passive-aggressive behaviour on a WhatsApp should really get a life. This is not the UN. It is a family WhatsApp group, usually mostly for the purpose of sharing mildly amusing headlines or memes, chitchat aimed at keeping in touch with people you seldom see, or arranging family occasions.

That’s nuts and would make you look like an idiot.

I have no idea why you are giving this any headspace, OP. Just live your life!

She is actively going out of her way to not cheer on me but doing it for everyone else.

She wants you to notice. She wants to take you down a peg or two because she's a bit jealous. The best thing you can do is pretend not to notice. That will probably piss her off but she can hardly say anything! She envies you already so she might as well envy your self confidence and composure as well.

I’m not sure that’s true, you certainly don’t see as much drama between men as you do women.

So she should end communication with the whole family as her sil doesn’t like her posts? Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face.

I agree! Whatsapp groups are not the most important thing, not at all. If she was gushing and lovely online but a right misery f2f that would be far worse. I think you just need to tune it out - it’s not that important.

My SIL posted in the family group chat, a “happy anniversary” message to me and DH accompanied by a picture of him on his wedding day to his ex wife. DH and I were both annoyed but I ignored it. DH commented back and her response was “ but I cropped her (ex DW) out!” Apart from her hand DH was holding. She had many pics from our wedding she could have used. Since then I only talk to her if necessary. You can’t control the actions of others, but you can control how you react to them.

That's definitely on a whole other level than just not responding. Wow.

She looked the wanker though.

I said ♥️ and happy birthdays as usual. The other option is to carry on as usual and ignore SIL ignoring her. It’s not that deep.

It’s a WhatsApp chat I couldn’t find it in myself to even notice this let alone care. Ignore her or don’t, just respond as normal. If she’s being weird let her.