Just feeling so resentful today

[SummerFruitss]

Not really a relationships post, more of a vent.
I’m so sick of how dads can just walk away from their children with seemingly no consequences. People tell me I’m “lucky he doesn’t bother”, but honestly… how is that lucky? It really winds me up that it’s seen as so acceptable that I’m expected to be grateful he’s absent.
I know being forced to have contact with someone who doesn’t want it wouldn’t be a good thing, but I can’t help feeling angry that he gets to carry on with his life while I deal with everything. I want him to face some sort of consequences.
It’s going to be a long summer. I won’t get a single break, not even for five minutes, and I’m just fed up that this is my life now while he gets to opt out. Does anyone else ever feel this resentful? Or am I just having one of those days?

Agree. But the feeling of powerlessness (which is correct) will make you feel worse.
I would try to up my hours to be able to buy more childcare, as work can be easier sometimes. But I think most people wouldn’t feel like that.

What age are your children?

They won’t go to child care so that’s not an option unfortunately! Now they are older they wouldn’t be seen dead at clubs in the summer

Honestly I’d just drop my kids off at his and fuck off for a week.
I know people will say oh that’s not fair on the kids having two irresponsible parents blah blah. But he is their dad so what, he can’t handle a week? (So long as you tell them you’ll be back in a week of course, obviously don’t just vanish on them).

I say if you want a holiday, don’t ask, take it. Book a cheap flight in advance to somewhere there is lots of hotel choice and then just use booking.com to book a cheap place where ever you go on a day by day basis.

And there will be concquences for him never showing up for his kids becuause when they are older he will want a relationship with them. They always do after the
“difficult” stages, and chances are they’ll tell him to sod off.

How can I he hasn’t seen them in years??

It won't be forever, they're getting older and more independent.

You're winning at life because you'll have a strong loving bond with your kids as they grow up and as adults.

While the men that do this are missing out on those deep relationships.

I disagree, my kids get a shouty stressed and exhausted mum, they would have a better mum if I wasn’t left to struggle by for years.

I hope you’re at least getting the correct CMS for them.

How old are the kids? Do you have any family they could visit for a day/night to give you a breather? Grandparents?

Old enough to spend a day at their friend's house?

No if they had grandparents they could visit i dont think I’d be feeling resentful as I would at least have some help. I get the suggestions and they mean well but this was more a vent about dads getting away with no bothering with their kids and mums somehow being told they are lucky or should be glad they don’t bother when really it’s a punishment

Who is telling you that you are lucky that your children have a shit father?? Because in essence that’s what they are saying

Many people have told me im lucky to get my kids all to myself and not having to share them.

I get it, it’s crap being left to do it all by yourself. My ex does actually take our kids every second weekend, which is pretty low-effort but I appreciate the break. There have been times in the past when I’ve gone a month with the kids full time and it does become wearing being “on” all the time.

All I can say is hang in there. My kids are now getting old enough that I can leave them for decent chunks of time and as dealing with their father is an absolute beat-down, I do sometimes find myself wishing I could just have them full-time and avoid the hassle of interacting with him! But it takes time to get to that point.

Thanks but my kids are older and I don’t relate at all. It’s the injustice of it all.

I think people always assume it’s little kids but older kids are hard work too. My 12 year old is a nightmare. Would love to send him off to his father’s for a few weeks days.

Yes, it makes me very angry as well.

Hang in there - you are doing a good job and they need you. Some men are just poor excuses for people.

Of course it’s unfair. No one sane thinks otherwise. Most countries don’t make it anything like as easy as the UK to
walk out on your kids, with more states assuming fathers get residency 50:50 by the year. Whether they like it or not.

You’ve done brilliantly when you shouldn’t have had to, for years, and you’re tired, which is more than reasonable.

Try and get some rest - you’ve pulled off a superb achievement and from
the sounds of the DC’s ages, you’re on the home strait.

I agree it’s unjust and that you resentment is absolutely fair.

I am often torn by being resentful about my ex’s slackness when it comes to parenting fairly (or well) and the fact that I also wouldn’t enjoy having my kids gone half the time AND that given the choice to have the kids full time and never deal with the ex again, I’d grab that with both hands.

If your 12 year old is difficult, are there options for counseling or support? Do you understand what’s causing his issues?

He doesn’t need counselling hes just a typical teen, argues back, doesnt do as he is told, winds up his siblings.

Don't you get peace from them when you're at work? If they are old enough you can get a hobby out of the house

Yeah thats really not the same is it? It’s the resentfulness of being left to do everything whilst the father swans off without a care in the world and you are left to carry everything. Work is not a break!

Look it’s frustrating but what do you want as the alternative? Yes I know the answer is a dad that’s involved and wants to be but he doesn’t so what do you think should happen?

as your kids are teens and 12 ( any younger)? You absolutely can get a break. Go for a walk with friends, swimming, meet up for lunch on a weekend, do a hobby, make friends with people at your kids hobbies . Sound like they’re not little

Completely agree with you, it’s not fair and it is shit. I hope he’s at least paying CS.

I have younger one so no I can’t, I was just giving example how being older doesnt mean a child is easier. I want a break now from my kids more than I ever did when they were little.

Would giving the 12 year old some responsibility with chores help?

Be honest with him? That you are just one human, and you love them all but it’s hard work and you get stressed and shout because you just feel you can’t fit everything in and don’t like it when you do and you try not to?

Can you contact their dad? Any possibility he might be older and wiser now and his ego would allow him to swoop in, now 12 year old is older so “easier” and he could play at being father of the decade? If he has an empty life he might agree to seeing the older one. You never know.