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Original poster

Just feeling so resentful today

104 replies

SummerFruitss · 20/07/2026 22:20

Not really a relationships post, more of a vent.
I’m so sick of how dads can just walk away from their children with seemingly no consequences. People tell me I’m “lucky he doesn’t bother”, but honestly… how is that lucky? It really winds me up that it’s seen as so acceptable that I’m expected to be grateful he’s absent.
I know being forced to have contact with someone who doesn’t want it wouldn’t be a good thing, but I can’t help feeling angry that he gets to carry on with his life while I deal with everything. I want him to face some sort of consequences.
It’s going to be a long summer. I won’t get a single break, not even for five minutes, and I’m just fed up that this is my life now while he gets to opt out. Does anyone else ever feel this resentful? Or am I just having one of those days?

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 08:35

Well to be fair he helps me the most he is super helpful but that doesn’t take away any resentment i have. Ive had contact with his father and unfortunately he is not prepared to step up

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 21/07/2026 09:58

This is a HUGE bugbear of mine. I don’t have the statistics ( according to Gingerbread, 90 %) but we all know the majority of parents left to cope alone are women.
It should be made as shameful in society as eg drink driving.
It’s a bloody hard slog. Whilst I wouldn’t wish a reluctant crap father on kids , something should be available legally.
You can also bet that the majority of these ‘men’ don’t pay maintenance and how many do it to another woman / more children.

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 10:10

Thank you! I understand the points people are making but it’s the injustice of it all that gets to me so much, women are told working is a break lol meanwhile this man hasnt even done one overnight with these children and im suppose to be grateful to have to work my fingers to the bone to support us all when that isnt a break it’s destroying me. Meanwhile these men get to swan off and start whole new lives with no come back.

OP posts:
category12 · 21/07/2026 11:37

I know it's a slog right now, but raising your kids is one of the best things you'll ever do.

You can't make the dad love them or want to be around them or step up in anyway - and the resentment and anger, while justified, is just a poison to your own lips. It's not hurting him any, only you.

Try to enjoy the dc while you have them -they won't be dependent forever and will hopefully grow into loving adults you're proud of and who you can lean on in return.

frozendaisy · 21/07/2026 12:16

@SummerFruitss
Make sure absent dad is at least paying for them

millymollymoomoo · 21/07/2026 12:27

It is a slog but the hard part is what do you think should happen?
kids be forced to go to a dad who doesn’t want them ? Would you be happy forcing your kids to do that ?

can you not make friends with parents if your kids friends/have sleepovers/share babysitting etc ?

SummerPeonies2026 · 21/07/2026 12:55

Op I think you need a good babysitter and to find a place you can decompress at least once a week. You sound really burnt out to me. 💐

Corianda · 21/07/2026 12:57

When the Gov apologised for the removal of babies from their unmarried mothers in the past I was furious there was NO mention of the fathers - and when I was young in the 60s 70s the mothers and others usually knew who the fathers were. But they fucked off and babies were adopted. Not a qualm .
Edited to say the fathers didn’t F O they just carried on as normal no criticism, nothing.

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 18:03

millymollymoomoo · 21/07/2026 12:27

It is a slog but the hard part is what do you think should happen?
kids be forced to go to a dad who doesn’t want them ? Would you be happy forcing your kids to do that ?

can you not make friends with parents if your kids friends/have sleepovers/share babysitting etc ?

If only it was that easy, I have friends with kids they don’t want to swap baby sitting because their kids dads are involved, yes I would like them
punished

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 18:05

SummerPeonies2026 · 21/07/2026 12:55

Op I think you need a good babysitter and to find a place you can decompress at least once a week. You sound really burnt out to me. 💐

I don’t know any babysitters and I wouldn’t leave my kids with strangers i know that means well but as I said this isnt about that it’s about absent fathers shouldn’t be left to get away with it with no consequences and mum being forced to leave them kids with strangers which I wouldn’t do

OP posts:
nc43214321 · 21/07/2026 18:08

Yep I agree it’s shit! Just make sure you book sometime off when they go back to school or just take some sickness leave from exhaustion.

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 19:58

People say shouldn’t be forced to have kids if they don’t want to but isnt that what mums are forced to do when the dad fucks off into the sunset? Neither do I want to be with my kids 24/7 parenting alone either but mums dont get a choice

OP posts:
Whatonearthwoman · 21/07/2026 21:02

I agree.
im in the same boat.

you know what fuck him, you and your kids are much better off, truly. Dont let him get to you, keep doing what you are.

one day, when they grow up it will be much easier. Enjoy what you have now, i know its stressful but you really are a hero.

IStillHearTheWaves · 21/07/2026 21:06

If they're old enough to reject camps, then they're old enough to be left for an hour or two?

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 21:08

IStillHearTheWaves · 21/07/2026 21:06

If they're old enough to reject camps, then they're old enough to be left for an hour or two?

Edited

My older ones won’t go to clubs im not going to go into the reasons why but also you must have missed the bit when I said I had a younger child

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerFruitss · 21/07/2026 21:09

Whatonearthwoman · 21/07/2026 21:02

I agree.
im in the same boat.

you know what fuck him, you and your kids are much better off, truly. Dont let him get to you, keep doing what you are.

one day, when they grow up it will be much easier. Enjoy what you have now, i know its stressful but you really are a hero.

That will be when their adults then 😅 but I appreciate your comment

OP posts:
OneNewEagle · 21/07/2026 23:37

Just keep going OP, it is tough crap and wonderful all at the same time. I was a lone parent, I still feel like I am and my DC are in their 30s. I’m the one parent they gave for always, there’s noone else. I’m still angry about it all tbh plus the zero maintenance but I built a life for us.

TealSapphire · 21/07/2026 23:47

How old is your younger child?

Daisy12Maisie · 21/07/2026 23:55

It is disgraceful. I agree that it should be seen as very, very shameful in society for a parent to just leave their family.

I know you are only venting rather than asking for help but I taught mine to cook when they were 11. That was a nice thing to do together and it then took some pressure off me as they would then cook for themselves/ for me about once or twice a week. I did try with other jobs but for some reason they only really wanted to help with cooking.
I know you said your eldest already does chores but maybe check and see if he would like to cook or anything. Cut the grass. Whatever.
The dad should be contributing something rather than you having to ask the kids for help but since he isn’t you need to do whatever you can to not burn out.

It is outrageously unfair but I’m sure you are doing your absolute best and your children will appreciate that when they are older. My 19 year old appreciates me and everything I’ve done. He knows his dad is useless from what he has seen. I still don’t think my 17 year old really gets it so it does take time.

Imagine swapping lives though. I would have had a much easier life and a lot more money if I wasn’t left with my children whilst their dad just went off and did his own thing but I think the people that leave are the losers as they can’t get that childhood back. I also agree that you also lose out as you don’t get a hand and everything is on you.
(I’m not in the same position as my children’s dad did see them 3 days and nights a month and I worked extra shifts during this time so that was helpful). I do sympathise though.
Its so hard having to do it all.

theansweris42 · 22/07/2026 00:05

OP it's unjust, it's fucking criminal that the male parent of human children can simply exit stage left and that's it...no consequences.

I think PPs saying you "have the better relationship with the kids" and/or suggesting thinks like babysitters, hobbies (!), "just take an hour for yourself" etc don't have experience of being a solo mum with kids who cannot be in clubs or whatever.

They mean well (probably) but they don't have a clue.

I am sending solidarity. It's fucking really tough, it's endless and it's absolutely a patriarchal boon for the men that they just walk away! It's a travesty.

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 22/07/2026 00:14

TealSapphire · 21/07/2026 23:47

How old is your younger child?

Shes 8

OP posts:
Mylifeisprettyshitrightnow · 22/07/2026 00:22

It boils my blood. It should be a punishable crime to walk away from parenting responsibilities. I really feel for you - it's unjust and shit and fucking ridiculous. All these things that you can do now, shared parental leave etc, and yet it's still totally acceptable for the dad to decide they want to just fuck off and live their lives with absolutely no consequences. Well, besides no relationship with their kids, but that only matters if they care.

Original poster
SummerFruitss · 22/07/2026 13:27

theansweris42 · 22/07/2026 00:05

OP it's unjust, it's fucking criminal that the male parent of human children can simply exit stage left and that's it...no consequences.

I think PPs saying you "have the better relationship with the kids" and/or suggesting thinks like babysitters, hobbies (!), "just take an hour for yourself" etc don't have experience of being a solo mum with kids who cannot be in clubs or whatever.

They mean well (probably) but they don't have a clue.

I am sending solidarity. It's fucking really tough, it's endless and it's absolutely a patriarchal boon for the men that they just walk away! It's a travesty.

Thank you so much for understanding, this is exactly my point it’s just so wrong and I wanted to vent about how crap it all is

OP posts:
Summerunlover · 22/07/2026 13:52

I used to feel like this, now my ex can’t understand why his teenage daughter isn’t bothered about seeing him any more.

category12 · 22/07/2026 14:39

Summerunlover · 22/07/2026 13:52

I used to feel like this, now my ex can’t understand why his teenage daughter isn’t bothered about seeing him any more.

That's how I feel too.

I don't understand how my ex could just move away 2 hrs ftom his kids, but he did. Recreating the relationship (or lack of) he had with his own dad, whom he resented and felt rejected by. But there you go. 🙄

Ultimately they are the ones who miss out on the relationships they could have had with their kids. Just built different, I guess.