Holiday with ex and children

[HoneyMonsters]

Would you go on holiday with an ex and your children. Not friends bu any means but civil enough. No new partners to worry about. Wouldnt want to take them abroad on my own. Has anyone done this? How did it go?

No. It’s got to be very confusing for the kids, you broke up for a reason, you each need to sort your own holidays with your children during your own time with them.

If you don’t want to take them abroad by yourself holiday here.

Kids want to go abroad, I don’t blame them, uk is not the same at all.

No but I’d happily take mine by myself. If you’re anxious about that for whatever reason can you rope in granny / aunty / friend?

Nope. You are not a family unit anymore. All this is going to do is cause confusion, and potentially a hell of a lot of resentment if a new partner eventually comes along and the holidays have to stop, there’ll be a lot of blaming going round. What’s the problem with you going abroad without your ex?

If that was an option I’d do that but it isn’t

I don’t have a new partner and won’t be dating, not sure on him but nothing atm and if he did then it could stop but cant revolve life around what if?

No, absolutely not.

Why can’t you take them on your own?

Or with family/friends?

My parents took us on holiday together after they had separated, never caused any confusion in us. If you can both remain cordial then it can only benefit the kids really

Thats really nice to hear thank you

Because I don’t have anyone willing to come??

My friend did this with her ex when their child was small. It seemed to work really well but they only spent their evening meal together really. One took him in the morning whilst the other chilled by the pool then at lunch they swapped over. It just petered out naturally as the child was older and each parent met a partner. There didn’t seem to be any bad feelings about it stopping. It just suited them at the time and then after a while it didn’t.

That sounds good and nice to hear it can work

A friend of mines parents divorced when she was a child, and they still do holidays/christmases etc and all have remarried. What a wonderful world it would be if this was more common. My ex just could not think to put his children first, would rather prioritise hating me. It depends on your relationship but I do admire parents who can do a version of this.

So why can’t you take them on your own?

Because I do not feel confident enough they have additional needs which would make it challenging I am aware other parents manage but all kids are different and I wouldn’t be able to without an extra pair of hands

What are the cons you're fearing, since you don't feel 100 percent confidence in your own opinions about it?

I think this is a lovely idea. You may not be a couple but you are still parents and as long as you get along, and no confusion re boundaries ( be VERY clear) it would be an opportunity to create new happy memories together for your kids

So does that mean you can’t holiday in the uk either?

I tried this. It was an unmitigated disaster.

To cut a very long story short, he took it as an opportunity to try to get back together and was absolutely vile after I rejected him.

After that I hardened up and started doing holidays with the kids on my own.

Weve stay in a hotel for a weekend but like I said not the same and I wouldn’t want to go on holiday here Tbf either

Yes, have done it. But kids were old enough to understand it didn’t mean we were getting back together and it was different to when we had gone together previously. We all had our own rooms in a holiday house and we mapped out the week- which days would be a “Dad” day, which days would be a “Mum” day, which days we would spend together.

It worked well, it worked because we all wanted it to and it was a place we both wanted to show them.

We haven’t repeated it- I think it’s important to do things separately too. I’d be open to doing it again but I think there’d have to be a specific reason about why it made sense to all go together.

My brother and his ex wife have done this for a few years. It works out well for them

Love that, can definitely make things easier having an extra pair of hands and better for the children if everyone gets along

My daughter's dad and his mother will be joining me, my mom, my brother and dd on a family holiday this year - there is no reason not to as long as you all get on well and there is no possibility of friction. It's nice for the kids.

What is worrying you about it, OP?

probably because we are not friends as such not any hostility just wouldn’t call us friends so might be a bit weird to suggest it