Holiday with ex and children

[HoneyMonsters]

Would you go on holiday with an ex and your children. Not friends bu any means but civil enough. No new partners to worry about. Wouldnt want to take them abroad on my own. Has anyone done this? How did it go?

You said yours are calm mine aren’t, the last beach trip we went on we had to come home early because of how challenging my child was being and we travelled 2 hours there and 2 hours back and was at the beach for 1 hour,
my other kids were so angry and pissed off but we had no choice

My thoughts exactly.
Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst.
Someone has mentioned parent duty in the morning, swap over in the afternoon. That sounds a good plan. Also, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
IF it doesn’t work out, never do it again. Simple.

I just think an extra pair of hands is always easier than alone, you can’t say it isnt lol, if it was a mum or sister everyone would say go for it so why not the children’s father, life is always easier with support. If we went away to a hotel for the weekend in the uk if we needed to come home early it wouldnt be a probably and I wouldn’t be losing thousands of pounds.

My friend goes on holiday abroad with her ex every year and she'll have a couple caravan holidays a year, typically in Scotland where he'll join them for a few days. Always has and it doesn't confuse their dd or her younger daughter whatsoever.

Just ask him.

i particularly mentioned my dds were calm as it’s important to not make out I was on the same level as you, much harder when your dd have medical complexities etc

hopefully you can get something sorted for a holiday with your ex and then the between yourselves you’ll keep the children safe and happy if one has to go home

But if your child dont have additional needs it’s probably hard to see why it’s different but it is. Either way a month abroad and a weekend in the uk are clearly very different things even without Sen.

Yes about 18 yrs ago and there were no issues. It was about 5/6 years after we had split up and all very amicable. Was in a new relationship with my now husband and he wasn't in the slightest bit concerned

And more recently my husband, myself and my son have also spent 2 Christmas holidays away with my ex - son's Dad due to his health issues

if It’s not something you’ve done I’m not sure how you compare

Divorced myself 13 years ago, kids were 2 and 9 at the time. No, I have never done this and never would have. It's only confusing for the children and new partners will become part of the picture at some point, if not already. Part of being divorced is sorting out separate holiday and quality time with the kids, can be abroad or in the UK. And one advantage divorced kids have - they often get two summer holidays!

I would but I'd have separate rooms like we have back home.

I’ve been abroad and I know what it’s like and I know my kids.

Have you read the post though? They won’t be getting 2 summer holidays as neither of us is able to take them abroad alone so it’s this or no holiday abroad ever

Ultimately up to you. I took my kids on UK holidays when they were littler, was more fun for us than hours in airports and on planes. If there are special needs, I would also think this is easier and less complicated. Each to their own, my kids would have found this strange.

Yep, we have done it every year for the last three years. If I’m honest the kids found it confusing the first year but are fine with it now and appreciate the time together. They are not particularly close with their dad and have said they wouldn’t want an holiday just with him, so this is a way of bringing them together which they now say they are glad about. They also know that things may change in the future but for now it works for us.

Our friends split up when their children were 8 and 7 after being together for almost 20 years. The children are now 12 and 11 and they have continued to have holidays together every year.

They still get on well and know their children like having both of their parents there. Both have new partners that don’t live with them and won’t be living with them until the children are older. They both prioritise their children and are very reasonable people.

Weve gone away in the uk but it’s not the same and if im honest I don’t enjoy uk breaks myself, I need the sun, pool, all inclusive air con etc.

Yes, I absolutely would. Me and my children’s Dad has since moved on, remarried etc, but we were epic coparents. Still are, and his wife is amazing, we are all friendly. In the earlier days, we didn’t go on holiday as such, but would do things with the children, not once were they confused, they were thrilled with it in fact. I think as long as you’re in a position to laugh as friends to make the whole experience enjoyable I’d 100% go for it.

This! Mega agree! This is about the children, I would definitely do it, you both seem happy with this, why not? Go enjoy yourselves❤️

Yeah it’s easy to look from the outside but they won’t be having 2 summer holidays, it will be this or nothing, I’ve taken the kids away in the uk but ex never has and tbh I doubt he would be able to.

I honestly don’t blame you, you can take turns having days with the children, sounds like bloody bliss to me☀️🍸

I absolutely would if it means my kids get to experience something they wouldn't normally have the chance to. Put your differences aside and make it work for the kids. There's no need to be in each others pockets, you should get a few free hours alone and the ex should too. It's a win win. I'm not exactly best friends with my son's dad, he was a cf who walked out on us when our son was 2 but we are civil and he gets invited out to dinner/celebrations or anything involving our son that I think would benefit their relationship.

No chance, don’t do it.

So this isn’t something you are both considering? Just an idea you’ve had?

Do you think your kids are old enough and have enough understanding of the situation to not be confused by it or think it means getting back together? You don’t have any feelings left for him? Does he for you? If the answer to either of those is yes/maybe then I’d rule it out off the bat.

I think it’s potentially doable but you would need really clear boundaries in place so the children don’t get any mixed messages.
Boundaries could include

• separate rooms/ accommodations preferable
• best if you spend time with the children separately, except maybe for any practical tasks that their additional needs require.
• I would particularly avoid socialising together in the evenings- no cosy meals or attending the mini disco together!

It’s potentially a good way to have some alone time on holiday if you alternate spending time with the children.

No feelings on mine or his side. Our kids were very young when we split they have no memory of us ever being together so I don’t think they’d think we were getting back together. Ive not asked him about it yet

Of course it can work.
ignore all of the people saying it’s confusing. It’s confusing if you make it confusing
example - dont have the adults sharing a room etc.

my brother and his ex broke up when she was pregnant with my nephew. He is 11. She met someone else and had another baby who is 8 now. My brother and the ex have a FANTASTIC relationship, all it has done is massively benefitted everyone. Everyone is happy, the children are happy and my nephew is delighted both mum and dad can celebrate achievements and go on days out together etc. as long as the children understand you are not together. Get separate rooms etc etc