Husband says he is suicidal after I ended marriage over sexual assault

[Watbun]

My husband sa me about 15 years ago when we were young. I was only 24 at the time. We had a young baby with literally not much money or anywhere to go at the time. My parents were very religious and embarsssed by what everyone at their church would say as I had a child out of marriage. U felt so trapped by himI felt very pressured to marry him actually. I blocked out the sa I suppose and stayed married to him. Only a few years ago I was watching tv and a woman was discussing a date rape on a tv show and something just clicked with me that thag is what he did to me too. I hate him he disgusts me. He knows our marriage is over but isn’t moving out. It was over the night he did that to me anyway I suppose I always knew that, it was just admitting it to myself. Anyway he tells me that he is feeling depressed and suicidal over our marriage. I can’t help feel like this is manipulation but I’m not sure.

Him being suicidal is his issue to deal with. There is nothing you can do.

have you applied for the divorce?

Classic tactic to try and force you to feel sorry for him and stay.

Don't.

He is living in the house still in the upstairs is there house so we are living separate lives. I’ve an appointment to see a solicitor this week to see what my rights are re the house.

It’s not your responsibility to repair his conscience

Disengage as much as you can, this isn’t on you x

He will have to deal with his feelings just as you have had to deal with yours. In both cases they are the result of his actions.

I feel like it’s manipulation to be honest. He won’t make an appointment to see a medical person about this. So I have tj wonder is it fake. I also think I’d be mad to split childcare with him if he is feeling like this thougn

Call the police if he threatens suicide. He'll soon stop. It's a very common tactic of desperate men.

If he threatens suicide, call the police.

If he truly is suicidal, he will get the professional help he needs. If he isn't and is using it as a threat to manipulate you, he'll be discouraged from doing that again.

It is a manipulation tactic perhaps suggest he should speak to the Samaritans if he is in need of help.... not your problem

Go online and apply for the divorce. You only need your marriage certificate. He doesn’t believe you’re going to do it.

there is plenty of time for legal advice. You’ll have a 4 month cooling off period after the divorce is accepted

Yeah I really don’t think thag he is. If he truly was he’d look for some form of help

I’m very sorry you’ve been carrying this for so long op. Have you ever spoken to anyone it?

This is the contact details for Rape Crisis
https://www.rapecrisisireland.ie/

It might be helpful to contact them.

Yes, it absolutely does sound like he is trying to manipulate you.

Good idea to speak to a solicitor. Good luck.

Ed - for location x post info

I live in Ireland you have to be living apart 2/3 years I’m not even sure if you can apply online to be honest might need to be Theough solicitor

OMG ABSOLUTELY GUTTING. Fucking hell OP. Really?!? 2 years?! Don’t they even care how damaging that is to you and the children?!

Thanks… I’ve never spoken to anyone bit I think I need to at this point

Yeah it’s a joke I think a lot of people in Ireland were objected to divorce coming in it’s nearly like a deterrent in a way

I’ve just updated my post above with Rape Crisis Ireland’s contact details. X-posted with you saying you’re based there.
So it’s definitely worth considering contacting them.
Good luck op.

He has sexually abused you in the past. He is emotionally abusing you now.

You are his service human. He doesn't want the effort of training a new one into submission. Hence the threats.

He's not suicidal. He just doesn't want to clean his own pants or pay child maintenance.

You are seperated, you don't need to worry about his feelings anymore.

Obviously it's very inconvenient that you still live together and ideally you would find away to live apart, not least because some spouses can get very nasty when they think a relationship is ending.

If he's already doing the sad routine and threatening suicide then I would be wary that his tactics may change to something more manipulative or intimidating in the future as he feels his control slipping.

I would try to contact the police about the sexual assault, mainly to have it on record and to get advice. It may be helpful in the future in case you need to remove him from the house or he gets nasty during divorce.

Thanks for the advice and you are 100 percent rights. He needs to move out and not live here any more I will feel a lot safer

I doubt he is feeling depressed or suicidal - that is but a means to control your actions. Whatever he is feeling at the moment won’t be anything like the feelings you have felt over the years.

Like others have said, be canny OP.

Once he realises that threats of suicide aren’t enough to keep you in line and your mouth shut? He may resort to other methods which involve physical harm to try to gain control.

If you can, contact Rape Crisis and the police.

I’m so sorry.

He is an arsehole op.

As others have said, next time he threatens suicide, tell him ‘as you’re threatening to harm yourself, i’ll need to call the police’. He’ll soon shut up.

You don't have to be living apart, you said you're living separate lives, that counts towards the time, how long have you been living separate lives for?

Do you have proof of him threatening suicide or is this all said face to face?

Please speak to Women's Aid and the police, as your hisband is dangerous.
Just recently an animal murdered hos wife and children, because he 'couldn't live without them'. Classic abusive tactic.

He’s not depressed or suicidal. He’s trying emotional blackmail. There’s another thread here headed There We Are Then. Try saying that to him when he tries to manipulate you. You deserve better than this criminal.

best of luck.