Husband says he is suicidal after I ended marriage over sexual assault

[Watbun]

My husband sa me about 15 years ago when we were young. I was only 24 at the time. We had a young baby with literally not much money or anywhere to go at the time. My parents were very religious and embarsssed by what everyone at their church would say as I had a child out of marriage. U felt so trapped by himI felt very pressured to marry him actually. I blocked out the sa I suppose and stayed married to him. Only a few years ago I was watching tv and a woman was discussing a date rape on a tv show and something just clicked with me that thag is what he did to me too. I hate him he disgusts me. He knows our marriage is over but isn’t moving out. It was over the night he did that to me anyway I suppose I always knew that, it was just admitting it to myself. Anyway he tells me that he is feeling depressed and suicidal over our marriage. I can’t help feel like this is manipulation but I’m not sure.

Get this information recorded somewhere official so that you have evidence gp or police, no way would i let my children ( do you have young children ? )be left alone with a suicidal person.
If he does do it , well it's out of your control really isn't it ,but usually the men that talk about it aren't the ones that do it.
I hope you get free from this man as quickly as possible and don't look back ,you owe him and your family !! nothing.

We are living separate for maybe 5 years now. But we do have a ten year old and an adult child too and it was all for them that I let him stay the last few years. I get my salary into my account. He still gets his into a joint account though which needs to stop

Are you parents still alive? Do they know what he did to you? I hope you have someone to support you.

Find certificates, passports, as much legal and financial paperwork as possible, and take as much of it out of the house and into a safe place as you can, like in an office desk or with a trusted friend. Anything you can't remove, take a photo of it. All that information could come in very useful. Also try and save precious mementos, old photographs and small things like jewellery. Desperate men will do a lot of things, including destroying things that mean a lot to you.

I have an adult child and with him he was only a toddler when this happened in 2009. And also a ten year old. Yeah I think I don’t want 10 yo going off with him when he does move out if he is saying this. Also wonder could he be saying this so he doesn’t have to take the ten yo

They don’t know what he did to me know. I’d never tell them they are judgmental. I suppose it’s the shame of it too. The shame of my children finding out also

Good. The failed marriage is his doing. He did what he did and if he doesn't feel he can live with the consequences of his actions, that's his choice and his fault.

You can't trust a word he says so anything he says is irrelevant, just make plans for you and your child .
My heart goes out to you .

I would 🤷‍♀️
and then get on with your day

Hopefully that is precisely why he’s saying it! So then your poor boy won’t need to spend a minute with him

I’m reminded of something I heard once.

”Shame will make prisoners of us all if we let it”.

The shame is his OP. All his.

This is not your shame and doesn’t have to be your prison. 💐

You have been living together under the same roof for the last few years?

Yes he hasn’t moved out he is upstairs

He sexually assaulted you, causing the end of your marriage, and now it’s he who is the victim. He’s making this all about him.

how big is the house? What happens for meal times? Bathrooms? He’s in your space op. Get him out. This sounds awful for you and your child

I can’t help feel like this is manipulation but I’m not sure.

You're not sure? Really?

He's a disgusting piece of shit. If his suicidal feelings are genuine (which I doubt but let's say they are), then they're his problem. 100%. They're definitely not yours.

And for god's sake get him out of your home. Asap.

Please move on with your life. All the best for the future. 🌸

He has never moved out

Your bloody parents as well. You poor thing. Your bloody parents - you should have been able to rely on them, confide in them, and not ruin your life with this rapist just because your bloody parents 'had expectations'. Awful, all of it.

You are not responsible for his mental health and disgusting threats. Tell him if he won't leave you alone and stop blackmailing you, you will report him for SA to the police - that will quickly cure him.

Is it your home? Owned or rented?

It’s a big enough house it’s got sitting room and an open area down stairs too which he does go to sometimes to watch tv but I stay out I spend evenings in my bed room. He has a few rooms upstairs. Meal times I eat with my ten yo . Older hold doesn’t live with us a lot of the time just university holidays.

He had bathroom upstairs we have one down

We own it - in joint names m

shes not going to be able to get him out of his home. They’ll have to proceed the divorce

He needs professional help, the best thing you can do for him is inform the relevant social and health services.

When you see the sol about your rights to the house… why don’t you start the ball rolling on divorcing him?