Thoughts on a 45 year old married man going to a lads holiday in Ibiza

[ohlookaflyingpinkelephant]

What the title says ! he used to go this when he was in early 20s when we met / before children . Always gone away for city breaks and beer festivals , walking holidays with mates .
we go away and have family holidays . But this one is giving me the ick !
We are parents of an 18 year old and 12 year old . He’s not clubber or music fan . But he’s got two mates who like to go and one is getting divorced. Aibu ?

Yeah because that one thread means that’s what they all do. No nuance at all.

Me too, I go away a couple of times a year with my female friends, there is no way I’d let my husband dictate I couldn’t go, how utterly ridiculous, he’s my husband not my father and I’m a grown woman, I don’t need or ask permission.

A lot of men don't behave like this though...!

im 39 - married with a son. Went last year and going next year. It’s a brilliant place. I don’t do drugs but I love to party and love music. My work colleague is 52 and goes every year. It’s not all influencers and shite clubs. Some of the clubs like Pikes etc are amazing.

I’m 50 and not given up on Ibiza yet! Fabulous and fun place to go with friends. But I am lucky to have a husband who doesn’t feel threatened by me having weekends away with my friends

It's normal to go on an occasional holiday with friends, provided he coordinates the timing with you in advance so you're not away at the same time since you have a 12yo and other responsibilities at home, and provided it's not taking up all of his holiday time and money at the expense of a family holiday. I'd say the same if you wanted to go on a similar trip with just your friends. I think people often use "lads' holiday" to mean it's a trip for a group of male friends travelling together without any partners/children, just like a "girls' trip" doesn't usually mean actual girls. And Ibiza's an attractive and convenient destination for lots of different activities and types of trips; I wouldn't read too much into destination alone. But if he's suggested or told you things about this trip that make you feel uneasy, I think it's reasonable to discuss those before he goes.

Sad bastard is my honest view of a 45 yr old doing a 'lads' holiday.

He is no longer a 'lad', he is a Husband and Father, seeking thrills by doing stuff an immature 20yr old would do.

He cannot turn back time by willfully running away from his responsibilities at home by going on holiday without his wife and kids, and I'm 100% sure he wouldn't want YOU to do it either!

This is so weird do you not travel with your friends. Why do you feel the need to be passive agressive its like a sly put down about his age not nice.

Jesus - let the man enjoy himself. He's in his 40s - he's not dead yet!

Don’t be so ridiculous

Agree, though we seem to be in the minority! As for being able to trust partners, I know I can trust mine, but he wouldn’t want to go on this type of holiday and nor would I ! We don’t need to “ let our hair down” we don’t need to escape the shackles of a committed relationship! Even my future grandson in law , who went on a lads holiday said he would never go on this type of holiday again. He’s matured and doesn’t want to involve himself in the immature antics that these sort of holidays often involve! He pursues his own hobbies separately, and so does his future wife, but they don’t feel the need to escape with separate holidays.

It's not ridiculous.

Haven't you witnessed the antics of boozed up, middle aged idiots abroad? (And I mean both 'lads' AND 'girls' holidays)

I certainly have, every bloody holiday I've ever been on I've witnessed it and my honest opinion is that they're all 'sad bastards' 🙄

I'm happy that you and your H have no trust issues, that's lovely, but it doesn't alter the reality that many 'lads' & ''girls', in their 30's/40's/50's actually DO get totally pissed up and engage in behaviour they wouldn't do when they were at home.

Literally hundreds of posts about 'drunken lads/girls holidays' torpedoing marriages on MN, so it's definitely the 'reality' for lots of people?

😅 He’s going on holiday with his friends. It’s a good thing once in a while isn’t it?

I mean, Dh would rather go to the dentist. 😂 But I know plenty of married women in their 40s and 50s going to Ibiza on girls holidays. Wouldn’t be my cup of tea, but I wouldn’t assume they were up to anything other than chilling at the pool, going out for drinks and going dancing.

I go away with groups of friends regularly, we are planning a trip to Ibiza.

We are in our sixties. What’s the problem?

According to some posters whe you get married and have kids, you’re no longer allowed to go away with friends,there is apparently some unwritten etiquette rule. And if you do it means you’re acting like a singleton who can’t accept their age.

its utterly tragic it really is. I mean it’s fine to have no mates, or no money and stay home, be an introvert or whatever, but hurling abuse as others do have friends, money and a different life is utterly tragic.

Then I suggest you stop going to the type of places you go to on holiday with all these sad bastards, why keep going, is it just to judge, I mean you’re in there holidaying with them.

yes of course I’ve seen it, I’ve also seen a lot more go and enjoy their time with their friends,

and it’s fine to get pissed up and do things you’d not do at home, as long as no cheating and all good clean fun.

dial back the resentment and judgeyness. Sure some folks see cheating on hols. And you see threads on it. People are unlikely to post I or my partner had a great long weekend away, alls good. Are they?

it was good enough for kevin and perrys parents and they even made the big screen in the night club

I’m 45 and have fully accepted that I’m not a child anymore. My friends and I still call each other ‘girls’. We were girls together and have grown up together and what I choose to call my own friends is nobody else’s business.
You sound so supercilious. Can you not understand that people use different words for different things and that’s ok.

My DH is 52 and goes away once a year for a weekend with his mates.

I really don’t see any problem with this.

Depends on the type of holiday! If it’s a “lad’s” holiday it’s not hard to imagine the “ activities “

It’s fine. I know loads of people who have done this for their 40th. A friend of mine is planning a trip for her 50th. She won’t be on the pull or raving in super clubs. She’s planning beach bars and cocktails.

Don’t know what sort of men you’ve been hanging out with but newsflash - they’re not all going away to do that. In the same way as us women (girls) don’t.

better than Tenerife or Benidorm

But on a “Lad’s holiday” bet most will be going to bars, showing off, getting drunk, easy prey, one thing leading to another…they won’t be watching the sun go down while sipping a shandy!