Thoughts on a 45 year old married man going to a lads holiday in Ibiza

[ohlookaflyingpinkelephant]

What the title says ! he used to go this when he was in early 20s when we met / before children . Always gone away for city breaks and beer festivals , walking holidays with mates .
we go away and have family holidays . But this one is giving me the ick !
We are parents of an 18 year old and 12 year old . He’s not clubber or music fan . But he’s got two mates who like to go and one is getting divorced. Aibu ?

Dh and his pals are all in their 60s have a long weekend in Benidorm every year and have done for about 30 years.
When the kids were younger the only caveat was that he saved for it so we didn’t feel it in the family finances.
i see it as a total win-they go away and act like drunken idiots, kidding themselves they’re in their 20s, and I don’t have to deal with it 🤣

Dh went last year for a stag do for 4 days.

I was a bit dubious too but he’d never really been before and it was a close family member getting married.

it is more expensive than you think it will be .

the holiday it’s self was all inclusive so silly me thought It probably wouldn’t cost much more …..

it did . Even to get into a club they charge massive fees, taxis from hotels , activities. And he only did half the pre organised stuff because of cost . Be prepared!

My neighbour just got back from ibiza for 3 nights large group of "girls". She hit the clubs every night, had a great time.

She's 60.

What a strange Victorian reply.

And there we have it ladies.

A post that sums up how ridiculous Mumsnet can be at times.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

OP - I don't know why this holiday would be giving you "the ick" (another MN ridiculous phrase).

I've been to several all night dance events in my 40s with friends. I did that as a parent and wife 😱 😱😱

It's a you problem, not a husband problem.

YABVU

Victorian?

We are talking here about a man in his 40s being referred to as a "lad". How ridiculous is that?

If you are similar age, are you not giving yourself the ick by saying ick?

The term 'lad' isn't the point of the post though.

Lots of parents go on holiday without their children. It doesn't make them unresponsible. That it does is a strange old fashioned concept and knows nothing of how responsible the man is.

Yes it’s fine to go on holidays with your friends, including to Ibiza. I do and I’m 56. Actually, as long as you and the children also get a holiday with him. Family comes first.

Of course people go in holidays with their friends.
It's totally diferrent from a proposed " lads" holiday by 40 year old men to a party destination.

The OP can refer to herself and her friends as she chooses surely?
Don't think it's a refusal to accept adulthood so much as a harmless and common turn of phrase. There's nothing wrong with her.

I think you are wrong to be so scathing. It's not that deep. Relax.

Not very. It's ubiquitous in our culture and speech you see?

You might not like it but meh...so what?

I am going on a ‘girls’ holiday to Benidorm
im 55
who cares? Ibiza is also an iconic, ageless and very expensive‘cultural experience’. Not just a ladz on tour venue

The location is irrelevant. You either trust him or you don’t.

Most of the island isn’t like that at all … it’s beautiful and peaceful and very easy to avoid the party bits.

I suppose you also rule out Majorca, Corfu, Zante etc because of one tiny area.

What precisely is the issue? The destination? The amount of time he's planning to be away? The company he keeps? Or what you worry he'll do while he's there? On the face of it, there's nothing of concern. Ibiza is actually perfect for this age group, there is lots of chilled, sophisticated stuff to do. I'd be a bit more concerned if he was off to Kavos or Sunny Beach but Ibiza? It's fine.

YABU. Adults are allowed to do things on their own / with friends. Obviously you need to same amount time to yourself afterwards, assuming you have kids to look after. Either yoy trust him or yoy dont

Do you trust him ? If not dump him. If you do trust him then I see no issue

Jealousy.

Who is calling it a lads holiday? Men can go on holiday with their friends, surely? They don’t have to go to the same place or do the same things every time. Either you trust him or you need to leave him anyway, not try to control his holidays.

Yabu but I would say that as I’m going on a girls holiday to Ibiza in a few weeks and we’re the same age and most of us are married. Looking forward to Pikes, watching the sunset at cafe mambo and sunbathing on the beach.

If he’s a shagger, he’ll shag in the UK.

I do get that it’s unsettling when a recently separated friend is going too. But you’ll have to trust him. If you don’t trust him, or you think that singledom might seem appealing to him because of his friend’s circumstances, you have bigger issues.

If the problem is money, that’s different. And fair. Likewise, childcare. There needs to be equality.

Wouldn't worry me in the slightest (no snoring? Go for it, love!) - if he's trustworthy it doesn't matter where he is. If he's not, he can just as easily cheat/use drugs/whatever you're worried about wherever he is.

@AnonymityAnonymity womens holiday doesn't have the same ring to it as 'girls trip' or 'lads holiday'. It's an innocent colloquialism. Last girls trip I went on we scaled mountains, had posh afternoon teas and massages. Was extremely grown up but we didn't call it 'women of a certain age take a weekend away....'

Ditto!!

I can't find it now but read an article last year that said that Ibiza is now attracting the same people who used to go to South East Asia backpacking in their 20's. Yes there are clubs and busy areas but you can totally avoid those (as I did/do) in favour of stunning beaches, 'hippy vibes' and chilling out. Looking forward to it and won't be setting foot in a club!