Partner wants to end things and I have nowhere to go

[FairScroller]

I live with my partner whom I share a young child with. He told me a week ago he wants to end things and is unhappy with his life. For the last week he has said maybe he loves me maybe he doesn’t. He hates me then doesn’t etc He has told me I need to do x,y,z but even then he might want me to leave.

I desperately want to keep our family together even though I have often thought about ending the relationship myself. He has in the past been mildly abusive and has a temper.

Im a sahm. Im terrified of being a single mum. I’m terrified of moving out with no where to go and no income. I also feel I’m letting my child down as they love their father.

He has gone out drinking the last 3 nights until late leaving me to care for our child alone. He said he’s hurting and needs to see friends whilst not considering that I’m also hurting but I can’t go out to see friends because I’m staying home with our child.

I can’t eat. I feel so down and in turmoil. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay/leave?

I have no income or family I could stay with. if you left how did you do it?

I guess I’m after advice and kind words as I feel complete alone right now.

He may wish to as wants to end the relationship. If there is enough evidence of DA OP could call police who could put on bail conditions for him yo syay away from the home then obtain a non-molestation order and an Occupation Order to remove him.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through such a scary time.

Definitely talk to Women's Aid and also consider reporting his behaviour to the police. The cameras, the control, the threats, it all adds up to coercive control which is against the law.

I don't know what to tell you about staying or leaving the property. Half of it is rightfully yours and you are going to need that money. But for now, do the thing that is safest for you and your child. If that means leaving, then that's what you do. Safety first.

You've spoken to a solicitor - I suggest you hire them and initiate divorce proceedings asap.

He may wish to, buy he may not, and both are legitimate options. Certainly, if there is DA he should not be allowed to stay.

I don't think the OP is married.

So your an unmarried stay at home mum? That was great decision making. Good luck!

@Optimist2020 don’t be a shit. The OP doesn’t need smug comments about her previous choices, she needs support and practical advice - do you have anything useful to add?

He's not 'hurting'. He's doing what he wants. You're hurting though, because he's hurt you.

He's abused you before and he'll do so again. This man isn't a good man and, while I really understand your fears about the immediate future, in three, five, or fifteen years time you will be in a much, much worse situation if you stay.

It often happens. Always best to Google for outages in the area.

The OP isn’t married, but coercive control happens outside marriage.

I’m going to test this. This is a great idea.

You jointly own the house.
He cant kick you out.
Get some legal advice ASAP

Good point. Yes, coercive control is against the law whatever your relationship status.

OP, the law is on your side here so do think about that. Womens Aid will be able to advise you further. You are entitled to half the house so don't agree to anything less.

@Optimist2020 the OP is very wisely is on the title deeds of the shared property. Marriage would have given access to pensions and other assets.

This story reads as a wealthy man isolating a woman. It also sounds like the OP has some professional experience.

If the house is jointly owned you don’t need to go anywhere OP. He wants to separate, he can leave.

She doesn't HAVE to go anywhere but it doesn't exactly sound safe to stay does it? Why are there cameras everywhere?

EDIT
As I somehow missed some of the OP’s updates 🙈🙈. So p,ease ignore what I had written!

@FairScroller you are doing extremely well and sounds both level headed and very strong.
I hope you’re going to finally be able to speak to Refuge/Women Aid as his behaviour seems to escalate.
And don’t feel guilty about asking for 50% of the house. You and your, and his!!, child, need a roof over your head.

If he wants you to split up then he should leave.

Yes the cameras in the house are very worrying.

Yes this was a very smug comment.
Also victim blaming.

But it’s also the norm on MN. Tell the OP all about the fact she is shit, should have known her DP was going to become controlling, should have known xyz. All of which is always oh so easy to see in hindsight.

What a shitty reply! Hope you felt better after posting that!