Partner wants to end things and I have nowhere to go

[FairScroller]

I live with my partner whom I share a young child with. He told me a week ago he wants to end things and is unhappy with his life. For the last week he has said maybe he loves me maybe he doesn’t. He hates me then doesn’t etc He has told me I need to do x,y,z but even then he might want me to leave.

I desperately want to keep our family together even though I have often thought about ending the relationship myself. He has in the past been mildly abusive and has a temper.

Im a sahm. Im terrified of being a single mum. I’m terrified of moving out with no where to go and no income. I also feel I’m letting my child down as they love their father.

He has gone out drinking the last 3 nights until late leaving me to care for our child alone. He said he’s hurting and needs to see friends whilst not considering that I’m also hurting but I can’t go out to see friends because I’m staying home with our child.

I can’t eat. I feel so down and in turmoil. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay/leave?

I have no income or family I could stay with. if you left how did you do it?

I guess I’m after advice and kind words as I feel complete alone right now.

He has no right asking you to leave with your child. See a solicitor, you have rights! As for worrying about being a single parent..Dont! You and your child dont need this creep in your lives!

Do not leave,

as you jointly own the home you’re entitled yo remain and are owed 50% of xny capital,

you may need to sell but may also be permitted to remain. You’d have claims under sch 1 of children’s act and tolata laws.

but you need legal advice. He may simply stop paying the mortgage / are you named on it ?

how old is your child. Finding work sounds like a priority as does looking at claiming benefits and cms

see a solicitor but don’t move

Do not leave the house - if he is unhappy in the relationship then he can leave. As others have said contact women's Aid for some advice. Sorry you are going through this, but ultimately you will be happier without him.

It is a difficult situation you find yourself in but you need to reconcile yourself to the fact that to all intensive purposes this relationship in over and is not a healthy situation for either yourself or your child. Start by changing the existing narrative and take control of the situation. He has had control for far to long. Seek legal advice first then act after you have established a clear road map. With help you can approach the courts and have him leave the family home - as children need stability. Claim benefits in ur own right and CM from him. Then go and live your best life without this abusive a hole ruining this precious time - you only get one life and it's yours to live x

Are there enough bedrooms for you to move into your own room while the house is on the market? How much, if any, equity is in there?

What job did you used to do?

You stay put in the home you jointly own, unless you feel like you or your DC are in physical danger. Presumably if he is able to stay elswhere for ten days to a month on a frequent basis, he can access other accomodation while the house is sold.

Get some professional advice about how to move forward, and find out where you stand legally regarding the property. That will inform your decisions about what you do next.
Action overcomes fear. Take some practical steps every day, once you know what your options are you will feel more in control. Most of this panic will be because you currently feel completely out of control.

Staying with someone who is abusive is doing your DC no favours OP. Don't dress it up as that.

You must absolutely not leave your own home.

He leaves. You need a job ASAP - what are you trained in?

Do not leave your home. Get some legal advice. As pp asked, are you able to work?

What job did you /can you do?
Who funds day to day expenses?
Do you receive child benefit to your account?
How much is the mortgage /how much equity in house if sold?
What savings do you have?
Does child go to nursery?
Do not try to stay for a supposed nuclear family. He has another child already from someone else likely will go on to have more with more women. You got taken in by his charm no doubt but will survive and move on

OP don't leave your home. If he threatens you or becomes abusive call Police they can arrest him and give bail conditions and/or their own Domestic Abuse order to prevent him returning to your home. Women's Aid will advise you on this or google Domestic Abuse support for your local area. If the situation is not abusive ask him what is his plan going forward. He is the one who needs to leave. You can then claim Universal Credit if he withdraws all financial support. Wish you well.

I feel so bad for you - what an awful thing you’re going through.

As you jointly own the home, and as you’re the primary care-giver to your young DC whom I assume this arsehole doesn’t want to make homeless, you stay put. If he wants to leave the relationship he can leave the home. Simple as.

Tell him to fuck off out of your life and out of your home. If he’s done with it all tell him to leave then.

I’m so sorry but I suspect he’s got another woman on the go. Men tend to stick with the status quo until or unless they get ‘a better offer’ (to their mind).

It sounds like he’s done a real number on your self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy. Now is the time to really strengthen yourself for your own sake and that of your DC. Tell him you & DC will NOT be leaving the home you co-own to take DC to live in a women’s hostel. If HE wishes to end things he can fuck off to his mistresses / a Travel Lodge / his mums, whilst you get your ducks in a row and divorce the cunt. At which point, further down the line as part of the divorce, you’ll legally negotiate (with the help of your solicitor) what will be done with the properly you co-own. You’ll be entitled to half the equity, and can hopefully move somewhere really nice just you and DC.

Sending 💐

Do not leave that house! If he wants to split he can leave!

As others have said, he can't make you leave the home if it's jointly owned. He can leave but would you be able to pay the mortgage if he stopped paying it, until the house is sold? You need to have a conversation with him about selling the home if splitting, or him buying you out? I would stay put up until this is sorted.

If you are going to.leave have a plan as to how which includes what to do if his behaviour spirals. Women's aid can advise on this.

If you jointly own the property and he is the one who is so unhappy, he can leave (as lots of people have told you). Call his bluff.

If you jointly own the house do not even think about leaving. He's the one who should leave. But if there is a mortgage and bills to be paid that will be difficult

You can officially separate and still live in the same house, which would mean you could start a universal credit claim as a sole parent. You'd need to stop sharing a bedroom and live as separately as possible, cook and launder only for you and dc etc.

Then you will have a bit of income while you look for work and start to sort out what happens with the house etc.

If he wants out, he needs to leave, not you. Have a look at finding employment ASAP, and have the property valued. Check UC entitlement. You'll know where you are with finances then.

Agree with this. You and your child deserve better than this. Get some advice from Citizens Advice or the free half hour you can get with a solicitor (I think that's right?)
if you do nothing he will think he can get away with it. Show him you're strong!
and be prepared for him to try and crawl back if the OW decides she doesn't want him!

This sounds easy in theory but the behaviour appears difficult and having small children makes this doubly difficult. There is a decision about how tenable this may be if there's a separation process.

The next you see him sober, say you agree to separate and ask does he want to call an estate agent to put the house on the market or shall you do it? See what his response is. Obviously if you fear violence, don’t ‘provoke’ him like this. [I’ve put ‘provoke’ in inverted commas , because it’s not provocative to do this, but an abusive man might see that way.]

You really do need to speak to Women's Aid.

Why would you need to leave? He needs to leave. And stop waiting for him to make the decision.

He probably doesn’t actually want to leave anyway, he’s just a controlling cunt using leaving to make you do whatever he says and run about kissing his ass.

You should want out of this relationship. Yes I get the thought of being a single oarent is scary but there’s nothing scarier than living with a man who hates you and means you harm. He sees you as his enemy. He wants to break you. And then ultimately he will leave you. But only when you are a shell of yourself and he finds a new woman to abuse.

Sell the home asap. Then you’ll have your share to start over wherever you like. Without this cunt in your life.

Children do not belong in households where their father is abusing their mother. That in turn, is child abuse. And if your son grows up seeing it, he will soon start to treat you as badly as his father does.

Thank you to all for the advice. I feel in such turmoil and I’m struggling to think straight. He says he wants to try again then hates me then asks me to iron his shorts. As others have said I fear there is another women. But inside I’m still desperate to stay and have him love me again but I can’t tell you why!

I can’t afford the house alone. There is potentially enough equity for me to buy a small house/flat with a tiny mortgage in the future or outright. However morally I would feel bad taking 50/50 even though I’m entitled, because he’s bought the house with his money. If I suggest selling the house or him moving it will become immediately nasty. I couldn’t even suggest that until I have left. I moved to his home area away from all my friends and it’s isolating here for me. I would move back to my city.

His wants are that I step up care for his son and allow his mother full access to my child who I have limited access as she completely disregards any boundaries and is nice one minute then very manipulative the next.

I will contact women’s aid. I don’t want to leave my little dog. I met a friend today and told her everything. It was nice to speak to someone as I feel like I’m sat on tender hooks at home waiting for him to come back and hoping he’ll be nice.

Hes out drinking again today/tonight. I don’t expect him to come home again. I can’t get my head around how a parent can not care or see their child for days so they can binge drink. My child has been saying daddy daddy and I say he’s at work see him soon. Like how can you not want to spend time with your child!

I’ve done a cv. I’ve bought and packed a couple of bags of toiletries and clothes but hidden them.