Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

Yes some people are slow burn. My dear late husband was.

No no no - banter means ‘I’ll talk dirty straight away’, surely?

Haha Margherita is same as vanilla (plain no extras) so I’m guessing Pineapple is ‘not to everyone’s taste’?

Maybe I’m just too ‘aesthetically challenged’? 😂

I would doubt that is it, everyone has different tastes and the women will have seen your pics beforehand.

Perhaps if you are discerning it just takes longer than one might expect?

You know what you should do and a possible money spinner, on the side, is collate the cheesiest bios you can find, and either a book, or a blog. It would be quite interesting what the fall out would be!

Ha! Just yesterday saw a woman’s profile saying that’s exactly what she’s looking for! I’ll keep swiping left…..

I had a guy who seemed perfectly normal. In his first message he sent me a picture of him driving a Porsche and then proceeded to make rude remarks about my job and said "I hope you're not like that". I unmatched, polite than twat.

God if I see ‘vanilla’ mentioned on a profile, I swipe left. Where else is it normal to announce your sexual preferences when you don’t know someone for all to see!!

And I bet the mentions are heavily on the ‘need more than vanilla’ side, right? Clearly looking for meaningful relationships 😂

Oh definitely. Honestly, it’s such a chore filtering out all the bell ends.

Men who say ‘I’m a bit of a joker’ usually accompanied by ‘hilarious’ photos with a plant on their head, wotsits as fangs and a group
shot with his mates in fancy dress at Butlins.

Hard pass

Maybe I need to ditch the pic of me as a rollerskating bat 😅

No! Everyone needs a USP, right? No one would forget you….

Not an ick but I’ve got chatting to someone today hes asked when my birthday is as he see I was a Virgo, then he wants to chat on the phone tonight, so he will have my number, am I right to be concerned? Could he be a scammer? I don’t know if I’m over thinking this, I read all sorts of stories and watch them programmes on online dating 😂

That sounds alright unless he wants to know your full date of birth, post code and name of your first pet 😂

I’ve found a lot of men want to straight to phone call rather than message.
If you think it’s too soon tell him you’d rather message for a couple of days first.

And be careful I had one who asked the my number and within seconds tried to FaceTime me - no way mate I’ve got my hair in a scrunchie and I’m wearing a towel.

He’s only got my full date of birth, I’ve just got visions of him in a call centre in India 😂 I bet he’s a really nice gentleman as well

Well I’ve just got out the bath and my hairs a mess 😂 yes I think I will tell him I would rather send a few messages first and see how he reacts.

Which is why the workplace is usually where I find my crushes.

Totally organic, crossing each others paths for days and weeks and months with a legit reason to talk and then it gradually dawns on you that this guy is hot....

...and unavailable. 😂

Whatever you’re comfortable with. Good luck 🤞🏻

Thanks he’s messaged back he seems cool about it so he may be ok

Well it’s turned into a bit of an ick, he messaged last night if I would like to meet up with him Saturday, I said well that’s a long way to come for a first date, he lives 2 hours away, he said well it wouldn’t just be a coffee and go, I thought about it and messaged back just to be clear I’m not into ONS or anything, and he’s blocked me! So he’s either took offence at what I said, or just wanted sex. 🙄

I think you need to reduce your distance settings. If you're not prepared to travel that far what's the point in matching?

Coffee should be half way, but if it goes well, then what?

Yes, he just expected sex. Anything over an hour or so is always going to be tricky to be able to invest in the time to know someone properly. I had one longer distance date where I suggested we just go for a meal, as it was a fair way to come. The answer was along the lines of ‘No, I’ve had too many first dates where by the time they’ve walked across the car park I’ve been making my excuses to go’ 😂
We settled on an activity together then did have lunch - which worked. Good to have an easy intro with the option of either escaping or following on!