Online dating profile icks (lightheartedish)

[FleetwoodCam]

After divorcing about 5 years ago, I've met a couple of guys through OLD but neither worked out for different reasons. Also had a few perfectly pleasant dates that went no further (my choice).
Having been back on the apps for a couple of weeks, I'm finding more and more reasons to swipe left instantly. I know I might be ruling out great guys but seriously, why can they not put together a decent profile?
My current list of instant left swipes is as below -

ENM
Fish pictures (becoming less common)
Posing by someone elses expensive car
Mentioning they are good with their hands, mouth whatever.
The "I love my little princess and she comes first" brigade.
Comments like "drama free and want to stay that way" reads like they won't be supportive for issues you face.
Topless pics out of context (Beach maybe okay, bedroom mirror selfie NO!)
No punctuation
Aggressive don't match if you.... a,b,c d comments
First pic a large group of bro's (he's the ugly one, always)
Bios starting with "never know what to write here"
Lying about age with the obligatory "actually 52 but can't change it" comment.
If I see one more profile stating they are the kind of guy who will hold the door for you, but slap you're ass as you walk through, I might vomit.

Anyway really just letting out frustrations! Tell me your profile icks so I can take them on as my own and give up the whole business 😂

Glad to hear it 🙂

Maybe it is just a very flawed way to meet someone who shares one's values.

Shared values? Must admit I find myself swiping left on most because they don’t actually say anything about themselves at all - just think a grumpy pout photo is all they need?

Yes, jaded comes along quite easily….
I know some of these posts are pant-wettingly funny but I can’t help thinking ‘So WTF am I doing wrong?’

I guess that tells you something about a person's values...

What stage are you getting stuck at?

@Bittenonce yep I'm the same. I'll stay single now....its a quiter life 🤷

@AhBiscuits ewww gross 🤢

I guess I’m starting off being quite fussy 😂 then of the women who ‘like’ me I think over 50% instantly turn into ‘account suspended by moderators’ so fakes?? So not many matches. In fairness I’d say that everyone I’ve actually met has been pretty nice, and most I still speak with - just not quite right.

Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong then unless the platform is wrong for you?

I've actually wet myself laughing at these so THANK YOU. Seriously!!!!

@Bittenonce its so awkward isn't it?? I think the "spark/connection" is becoming extremely elusive.....

My pet hate up the nose selfies, kids in the pics, alcohol in every photo.

I don't think it's ever possible to get that spark or connection, just simply messaging.

I also think people probably need to give it two or three deeds before they walk away and say there's no connection.

@FenderStrat fair point. If I start a conversation and it doesn't go well I tend to do a slow fade myself. So not really a good example.....but how long do you give it?? The burning question.....

If you turn up, the first round is on me, puts me off instantly.

This mornings gems -
"Just out of a 20 year relationship, who's going to mend my broken heart" erm, not me mate!

Also a guy who I have seen on bumble for years but is always "new here". He must keep deleting his profile to hit more targets.

"Age is wrong , changed it to escape the depressing algorithms designed to restrict my options" another birth certificate says 50 but I'm 30 in body and soul 🤢.

A little nudge is good, she's a dating coach on insta and suggests the question, question, statement approach to men who can't ask anything in return. So you ask a question, they don't, ask another question and if they don't you reply to a statement with a statement. They either get it or the conversation dies.

@FleetwoodCam it just keeps getting worse 😂😂

No definite answer. But sometimes expecting butterflies on a first date in Costa Coffee is a bit unrealistic.

In the pre OLD days people would work together for months and slowly become attracted to each other as they got to know each other.
Many of those marriages have lasted whole lifetimes.

@FenderStrat fair point m I don't expect butterflies straight away but some interesting conversation is always appreciated. Not just one message a day. It was a lot easier before online dating tbh

Anyone who mentions ‘banter’ - don’t know why but that word makes my teeth itch.

It usually means ‘I’ll rip the piss out of you and if you don’t love it you’ve got no sense of humour’

And what is the obsession with whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza? I really, really don't care!
Unless it's something to do with swinging and I'm just being naive 😜

I’m not really 50 I just prefer older women - accomplices by selfies of someone barely legal

It was a lot easier before online dating tbh

If you met people who talked to you, maybe. I made a lot of friends at work.

Sometimes I wonder if we put too much pressure on ourselves to make that spark / no spark decision when meeting someone OLD, rather than when you just meet more organically?