Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

Nonsense. I expect among the people she'd expect NEVER to look at her 'adult' site would be any relations, including relations by marriage. Most (normal) people wouldn't want to see their friends or relations doing anything pornographic and I am sure the SIL thought the same - but she'd be reckoning without the creepy brother in law.

It would be a dealbreaker for my marriage - URGH - but I appreciate the bar is extremely low for a lot of people.

So you wouldn't dump your husband if you caught him wanking over your sister? The bar is set so low it's through the floor.

(Also the point of a Patreon is to make money so she's not advertising herself 'free of charge to anyone with an internet connection').

Maybe tell your sister not to post her fanny all over the internet if she doesn't want anyone and everyone looking at it.

Why is it always men that are disgusting when it's women selling themselves for a couple of quid a photo to as many people as possible?

I would definitely dump someone over this and probably put all their belongings on the side of the road in bin bags on bin day but I don’t like porn and it’s a deal breaker for me. Always has been and always will be no matter how much it’s normalised. I’ll die alone, I don’t mind. Even if porn wasn’t a deal breaker, I am from a close family and me and my DP and my sister all hang out often. We eat dinners together, we watch her kids and watch my brother’s kids, we go on holidays. For me if my DP had been doing this it would eat away at me and all those times would be tainted because I’d be thinking about if he was looking at my sister in that way the whole time. It would bother me too much and I wouldn’t be able to hang out with my sister with him there, that for me would be enough for divorce even if porn wasn’t an issues. Lots of factors impact how you feel about this, how close you are to your sister and how much time you spend together etc, but have a think about that and if you do stay with him think how you will handle this.

I have no financial advice for you, but some other responses seem to have covered. Your child is priority number one for sure tho, so try and sort your finances out and get some advice from people in the know. Good luck OP and take care of yourself because you’re well within your rights to be feeling like this, don’t let anyone try and tell you how to feel.

I will note that OP has not been back for 4 days

It's her bloodclart brother-in-law.

Jesus Christ.

So you want to divorce your husband because he looked at your sister's OF page?

It sounds like you already have problems in your marriage/relationship and you are looking at every excuse to get out of it.

If the above is untrue, have you tried have a proper conversation with him?

To be honest it's beyond disgusting.
I am coming from the standpoint of how men are.
The 21st century has accepted such disgusting behaviours.
My own husband thinks it's okay to kiss other women on the lips and have his old female friends sit on his lap in my presence.
I still don't know what to do about it.

Not to mask your situation, my answer is that it's such a disgraceful thing which cannot be forgotten let alone forgiven.

I still don't know what to do about it.

I would cultivate some male friends, sit on their laps and kiss them on the lips.

Or just dump him and let some other woman deal with his inappropriate behaviour.

That’s because the whole thing is fabricated to stir people up. See it worked.

You might very well think that. I couldn’t possibly comment…

I haven't been on the thread as I thought it was dead for those of you that seem to think I've posted to "stir things up".

It was out 1st wedding Anniversary on the 14th and I've been in pieces knowing what I know. For those of you that seem to find this normal you do you but for me it is unforgiveable. As for others blaming my sister - she is mentally ill (bipolar type one) and does silly things when she is in a manic state.. one being walking around London completely naked, being chased down by the police.

The content she has on there are topless photos, photos of herself completely in the nude with emojis covering her private parts as a "preview" to her videos ect. I told him as disgusted as I'd be if it was just the once out of curiosity I would most likely be able to forgive him but for him to return multiple times is a whole different level.

Please forgive me if I don't reply all too often, I'm trying to keep it together in front of my children and even writing about it is almost sending me over the edge.

I do plan on leaving and am applying to any job I can find that would be suitable so I can firstly save up enough money to leave and secondly to get my three months of payslips for a new landlord. I understand it won't happen tomorrow but I am determined.

she is mentally ill (bipolar type one) and does silly things when she is in a manic state.. one being walking around London completely naked, being chased down by the police.

Ah op, I've always thought your feelings were totally understandable, but this just makes his behaviour even worse.
He knows she has bipolar and knows she's vulnerable, and he's still (on top of her being your sister) checked her site/pics out (more than once).

It's fucked up on two fronts.

You should look into UC and see how you'd cope. You might be better working part-time. You can get it before moving out.

🩷

💐
He's A shit. I’m sorry.

Honestly OP it’s not normal at all. Fuck knows what planet others are living on where it is.

Definitely try and make a single claim for UC to help you financially.

Your sister is a prostitute - she engages in sexual activity for payment.

Your husband masturbates to your sister prostituting herself.

I am so fucking sorry.

I'd be happy to contribute to a Gofund me. For so many women on this site, and especially you.

A lot of the replies are right in showing you empathy, however in my opinion I believe what you want is some reality.

1. His work provides the place you live in therefore you are not entitled to it and would basically be homeless when you move out as you stated your family or friends could not house you.

1. Utilising csa he would only legally mean him paying I believe 14/16% of his salary weekly.

What he did is unforgivable, however the kids are more important right now at this vulnerable stage of their life.

If you are unable to accept what he is doing or has done, ask why, try to overcome it and move forward, then make a long term plan whilst still living with him as to be separated but give 💯 % to the kids whilst you put things in order and YOU are ready to move forward.

Again, it's not your fault, society has made it easy that we all seek an easy way out of relationships, life or work when not happy instead of working through the pain.

Never forget, any pain from here on is worth it for your kids, even if it means, working with the man you are disgusted with as to ensure their lives improve until you are capable to do so independently.

Rather him watch porn than cheat try sitting down with him and seeing what he was looking at all men are curious if it involves someone they know.

It doesn't have to be one or the other. That's toxic thinking.

A friend of mine had a video shop back in the day of videos and he said more women hire the porn videos than men.

I'd presume she could stay whilst finding somewhere new

What has this got to do with anything? It's nothing to do with whether males or females watch the most porn. It's about respect? Curious would be once, looking over and over again at pornographic images of your partners family is just disrespectful

No, you will be able to claim Universal credit, get support for your housing costs and with two children you will get a childcare allowance. If you have had your own business for several years and have 3 years business accounts you should be OK. Your husband will have to give you 20% of his income in Child Maintenance which can be deducted directly from his wages.

When my husband left I had to apply for all of these things. At first it felt 'wrong' and 'being on benefits' didnt sit well with my aspirational middle class life.

However.

Seven years on I have a great life. Much more modest, but financially OK. My kids still see their dad and he pays up, on time. I'm closer than ever with my kids ( we are a club of 3 !) With a job which fits in around my life and a great partner.

The reality is that the first few months were horrid and the kids took time to settle into their new lives. You can do this. It settles and all will be well.

No I'm not, I would definitely look at it