Husband looking at my sisters "naughty website"

[Mumoftwo95]

I made a thread yesterday with screen shots of his notifications from what looked like a saucy hook up site, I had it out with him and he said they must be spam notifications from live streaming the boxing illegally. I looked it up and it said he could have accidentally clicked "allow pop ups" on his browser so I tried to find the settings for him and stumbled apon his search history which had shown he had been accessing has been accessing my sisters "naughty website" multiple times over the last few months. He said he hasn't subscribed as if that makes it any better. I feel so sick, betrayed and just completely ruined.

How would you go about moving out? I have bugger all in savings and have a 2 + 3 year old to look after, my whole life has fallen to pieces in the matter of minutes.

Honestly, it seems many have no idea how men’s brains work: On hearing a friend/relative of your wife had an adult website, there would be very few men who wouldn’t take a look or at least be extremely tempted to do so. It’s just the way men are. I agree that him looking at it multiple times is problematic. But honestly, the fact that your sister has that sort of “online presence” and it’s presumably well known - do you honestly expect a man to not be curious? It’s classic “fantasy” stuff, almost stereotypically or comically so. I would think some honest chats and perhaps counselling would be a better move at this stage. Can your sister not find a more normal occupation based on other qualities?

Please.you aren't enough.Hes not enough for you either.Women are so dishonest.The thing is so what! He likes to look at manky stuff.Praps the sex is bad or non existent.You are encouraging a woman into homelessness fir not much.

What's with all the "Poor men can't even hear about their sister in laws vulva without simply having to look because that's how little man brain works" posts?

It's bloody depressing.

Can your sister not find a more normal occupation based on other qualities?

Yes, the solution is for the woman to change her behaviour and work.
(A woman who never asked him to go on her site).

Not for the man to change his behaviour .... And look at alternative images that aren't of his (essentially) sister in law, out of consideration for his partner & mother of his kids.

It's worse than depressing.

I imagine the people saying it says "boys will be boys" and ask what women were wearing when attacked as well.

Men must not be held accountable for their own actions under any circumstances.

This is it, really. The sister is literally advertising herself to be gawked at free of charge by anyone with an internet connection. Now I agree that the husband shouldn’t be accepting that invitation. And he certainly shouldn’t be doing so multiple times. But I sincerely doubt he considered it cheating - more so inappropriate gawking. Much more akin to watching some kind of fetish porn stuff (like I don’t know, feet or bondage or whatever) than cheating. But if OP decides it crossed a line, that is her right, though I’d personally at least give it a few weeks before making a decision that will change their lives and their kids lives forever … he essentially just clicked on a soft porn website for the thrill of seeing someone known to him putting on a sexy act. Not sure I’d necessarily be breaking up a family over that, especially if he shows genuine remorse.

have no idea how men’s brains work

"Mens brains".

I had no idea men came out of a clone factory.

A clone factory turning out clones with the worst traits.

Amazing!

All those men I've met whose personalities and morals and behaviours differed from each other; must be from another species.
Are they aliens? I had no idea we'd contacted intelligent life on other planets.

Look, my h likes a minimal bit of porn (way less than me) but he'd know not to go on my friend or sister's sex work site. He'd know it was inappropriate and icky. He'd feel it was icky himself. I know this because I have known him intimately in every way for decades.

If you know loads of men who don't know that; you need to meet different men, cause the ones you know are shit representatives of their sex.

Comparing rape with clicking on soft porn on the Internet is a bit OTT/distasteful.

Well I didn't do that so....

The sister is literally advertising herself to be gawked at free of charge by anyone with an internet connection.

She's just trying to make money.

She probably didn't expect her brother in law, who's fathered her sister's kids ... To be repeatedly on her site, behind her sister's back.

Most people would assume someone would have a bit more sense/consideration/decency/appropriateness etc. than that.

It's not a unreasonable expectation.

Ug! The thought of watching my SIL doing sex stuff. I'd never be able to look her in the eye again. I hope my SIL sees me as a safe man in her life, much the same as her brother. Honestly, its disgusting.

You'd think if someone was going to strongly advise breaking up a family they'd at least look at what patreon is first.

There's obviously some kind of toxic psychological reward behaviour for posting LTB without even spending some time assessing the situation to gather all the facts.

Maybe their friends got so sick of their drama they have to come on here instead.

I really don't think most men would look at a raunchy site of their wife's sister. :( That's family. I think they would do the opposite and avoid it.

You'd think if someone was going to strongly advise breaking up a family they'd at least look at what patreon is first.

@FiddlyDiddlyDee People can make a patreon for anything. Most are wholesome but it sounds like this one isn't. OP's sister's one isn't for writing children's books or something- OP says it's something raunchy.

@HazelPlayer

With all due respect, you've replied on this thread nearly 30 times - you're a little over-invested.

We get that you don't like what's happened, so please redirect your enegry to helping advise the OP to 'LTB'.

Why are you explaining that to me as if I don't know this? The post I made was in reference to the fact that there are posters on here who didn't even bother to look up the difference between patreon and onlyfans before barrelling headlong into suggesting the poster makes a major life decision.

Don't people at least need to take a few minutes to work out something as basic as this before commenting on someone else's life?

@SunflowersMidwinter I mean, the sister's done something grim but in modern society, what OP's husband did would be considered far more gross, given it's his wife's sister he's looking at.

Sin is sin but that isn't how mainstream society would view it.

People saying what he's doing is awful are playing a role in encouraging OP to LTB.

My point was that how is that it was on Patreon relevant/how does it make what OP's husband did better?

I'm sure everyone knows what Patreon is.

I didn't know they had 18+ content but from googling, apparently they do.

@FiddlyDiddlyDee 18+ content is 18+ content, if it's pictures. Even on OnlyFans, there's a sliding scale of what content creators are doing, they're not all full on videos etc.

What's with the strawman argument?

My point was that people should at least work out that it's not the same as onlyfans before commenting. What's your objection to that exactly?

And it's a bit ridiculous to say everyone knows what patreon is when some people on this thread didn't even refer to patreon and instead referred to onlyfans.

Can you verify that the OP's husband has looked at actual erotic content of their sister. Are they unclothed or partially unclothed in any of the pictures they've seen?

Let us know how you came to this conclusion

Coming from someone who's counting how many posts other posters have made and who's challenging a different poster to outline what they mean when their meaning was perfectly clear ... .. (essentially trying to provoke a debate about their own sex life/standards because they're triggered)....

That's pretty ironic.

We get

Who's "we"?

Are you non binary?

so please redirect your enegry

Have you not grasped that you are not the MN. Thread adjudicator yet?

How long have you been on here?

Do you not even get that this is a discussion and advice forum on which you have zero authority whatsoever to direct other posters what to do or say?

Honestly if I knew tour sis I'd have a look out of curiosity. It would depend if it's just a curious look or a habitual thing which is inappropriate/ awkward.