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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His Ex accused him of beating her

133 replies

NicciJane · 06/08/2024 13:46

I moved to the area just over six months ago having lived in Spain for the last ten years, so I don't have a huge amount of friends to go over this with. I've been seeing someone for a few months and very early on he told me that his ex had suffered a mental breakdown at the end of their relationship and had accused him of beating her. She had him arrested (he was never charged due to a lack of evidence).
He said that they had huge rows but that he never touched her.
She then went on to fake a pregnancy (he already has two sons, 6 and 10, with his ex wife whom he gets on well with by all accounts) and this woman even went as far as telling the boys she was pregnant.

Once he had managed to remove her from his home, she proceeded to stalk him for a year.

Because of all of this, neither one of his sons wish to see him. He has updates from their mother but no physical contact.

The other thing is that, he won't ejaculate inside me. Even when its safe to do so, he pulls out. At times, he'll loose his erection completely. He's told me not to worry about it, and that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but feel off about it.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. He's never shown me his temper, but I don't know any of his friends to ask about his ex, so I'm only getting his side of the story. I've lived in Spain for the last ten years working as a nanny (hence why I find the no contact with the children strange) and only moved to the area six months ago. We do have a couple of mutual acquaintances who swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet.

I'm just not sure what to do?

OP posts:
Omlettes · 07/08/2024 06:21

NicciJane · 06/08/2024 13:46

I moved to the area just over six months ago having lived in Spain for the last ten years, so I don't have a huge amount of friends to go over this with. I've been seeing someone for a few months and very early on he told me that his ex had suffered a mental breakdown at the end of their relationship and had accused him of beating her. She had him arrested (he was never charged due to a lack of evidence).
He said that they had huge rows but that he never touched her.
She then went on to fake a pregnancy (he already has two sons, 6 and 10, with his ex wife whom he gets on well with by all accounts) and this woman even went as far as telling the boys she was pregnant.

Once he had managed to remove her from his home, she proceeded to stalk him for a year.

Because of all of this, neither one of his sons wish to see him. He has updates from their mother but no physical contact.

The other thing is that, he won't ejaculate inside me. Even when its safe to do so, he pulls out. At times, he'll loose his erection completely. He's told me not to worry about it, and that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but feel off about it.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. He's never shown me his temper, but I don't know any of his friends to ask about his ex, so I'm only getting his side of the story. I've lived in Spain for the last ten years working as a nanny (hence why I find the no contact with the children strange) and only moved to the area six months ago. We do have a couple of mutual acquaintances who swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet.

I'm just not sure what to do?

'There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. '
That there, listen to that.
As to helping him, dont see yourself as his saviour thats dangerous territory to be exploited.

JJathome · 07/08/2024 06:57

Can you not even see the Illogicality in what you’re writing. His kids don’t want to see him due to this. And you’re supposedly a nanny and buying that? You don’t understand that when kids have a good bond with a parent there is no way they’d even consider not seeing their father.

itsall bullshit and you know it. So why are you with him?

Starlight1979 · 07/08/2024 08:49

JJathome · 07/08/2024 06:57

Can you not even see the Illogicality in what you’re writing. His kids don’t want to see him due to this. And you’re supposedly a nanny and buying that? You don’t understand that when kids have a good bond with a parent there is no way they’d even consider not seeing their father.

itsall bullshit and you know it. So why are you with him?

But... his friends "swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet." 😂🙄

twentysevendresses · 07/08/2024 09:03

Another bloody pointless thread!

OP: is this man a walking red flag?

EVERYONE: Yes! Run not walk away!

OP: but I want to believe he's nice..so I'll ignore everyone and take my chances 💓

EVERYONE: 😵‍💫🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😵‍💫

Bananalanacake · 07/08/2024 10:26

Don't let him move in with you. Like ever

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/08/2024 15:47

twentysevendresses · 07/08/2024 09:03

Another bloody pointless thread!

OP: is this man a walking red flag?

EVERYONE: Yes! Run not walk away!

OP: but I want to believe he's nice..so I'll ignore everyone and take my chances 💓

EVERYONE: 😵‍💫🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😵‍💫

I thought the same. OP didn't get what she came for did she?

SamW98 · 07/08/2024 15:55

twentysevendresses · 07/08/2024 09:03

Another bloody pointless thread!

OP: is this man a walking red flag?

EVERYONE: Yes! Run not walk away!

OP: but I want to believe he's nice..so I'll ignore everyone and take my chances 💓

EVERYONE: 😵‍💫🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😵‍💫

OP won’t be back - she’ll be snuggled up to her prince with her rose coloured specs making the red flags easy to ignore

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 07/08/2024 19:36

Never ever suppress a gut feeling. This guy is rotten to the core.

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