His Ex accused him of beating her

[NicciJane]

I moved to the area just over six months ago having lived in Spain for the last ten years, so I don't have a huge amount of friends to go over this with. I've been seeing someone for a few months and very early on he told me that his ex had suffered a mental breakdown at the end of their relationship and had accused him of beating her. She had him arrested (he was never charged due to a lack of evidence).
He said that they had huge rows but that he never touched her.
She then went on to fake a pregnancy (he already has two sons, 6 and 10, with his ex wife whom he gets on well with by all accounts) and this woman even went as far as telling the boys she was pregnant.

Once he had managed to remove her from his home, she proceeded to stalk him for a year.

Because of all of this, neither one of his sons wish to see him. He has updates from their mother but no physical contact.

The other thing is that, he won't ejaculate inside me. Even when its safe to do so, he pulls out. At times, he'll loose his erection completely. He's told me not to worry about it, and that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but feel off about it.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. He's never shown me his temper, but I don't know any of his friends to ask about his ex, so I'm only getting his side of the story. I've lived in Spain for the last ten years working as a nanny (hence why I find the no contact with the children strange) and only moved to the area six months ago. We do have a couple of mutual acquaintances who swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet.

I'm just not sure what to do?

It’s bollocks. Or if it is isn’t he doesn’t give a shit about his kids. I would go to hell and back to see my kids. He can’t be arsed to pay around £250 and go to the local
court. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has such littlw concern for his children.

My worry is, what if it's all true and I've not given him the benefit of the doubt?

In the very unlikely event that it IS all true, what's the worst that happens because you choose to walk away from the drama? It's not your responsibility to solve his problems for him. If you walk away and he is genuinely telling 100% the truth, the only possible downside is that maybe this is a relationship that had legs. But who knows? And who needs the drama?

Why worry, its not been long, you owe him nothing and any future with him will be chaotic, dramatic and you'll get involved in all sorts of nonsense. Cut your losses now and wait till you find someone with less baggage,

You've literally been dating the guy a couple of months? So what? You have said yourself you have a nagging feeling something isn't right. That along with all the past issues would signify that it isn't right so just end it and move on?

My ex had friends who would swear up and down he was the loveliest person you would meet. Generous, funny, smart, kind. A Doctor, no less.

He was still financially, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. They saw none of it.

The red flags are very obvious here, OP. Proceed with extreme caution, if you must proceed.

This.

A friend just did one. Extremely helpful and insightful and she can't tell anyone what it said - had to undertake this - but she has left him as a result which to me speaks volumes.

Then he's still a tight and lazy shit who cba paying £250 to go to court for access to his kids. That alone is a deal breaker.
Best case scenario, he's telling truth but he's still shit in bed and has more baggage than EasyJet.
Worst case scenario is he's a violent, lying abuser.

There might have not been enough evidence to proceed. I would consider Claire's law as suggested and see what information is provided.

Did he take any legal action to see the children if he was so invested in being a father? Did he take any legal action to get her removed from the house and deter any stalking?

Yeah this.

He is red flag city isn't he

My ex is the same
Ex wife number one DV arrest
Ex wife number two sexual assault on a minor arrest
Ex fiance rape and assault
Complete stranger racist assault (no idea what the actual charge is called but he was arrested being racist and beating someone up for not being white)
More arrests for assault

No charges because he either harasses them into dropping them or CPS decides it's not in the public interest or there isn't enough evidence to proceed now he is marrying again he also doesn't see his kids thanks to a "crazy ex" (kids are autistic and hard work so he ditched them) not quite sure what story be has told his soon to be wife but whatever it is he hasn't paid child support consistently and he has never been to court to get contact with his children

But "she" is the crazy one

Absolutely this

And it’s not 💯 true anyway - it never is with these feckless men.

My god yes

With bells on

If his relationship with his ex wife is so good then why isn’t she assisting with seeing his kids maybe with supervised access.

Honestly his story got more holes than Swiss cheese

The boys get anxious about seeing him. That's why he's not gone to court. He wants them to have space to process everything. xx

Why do they get anxious seeing their dad?

Strange how it’s everyone else’s fault.
We have gut feelings for a reason Op.
Your gut is telling you that this man is lying to you because he is
To top it all off the sex is sub-par

Then make arrangements to meet them with his ex wife there. Build up gradually.

This stuff isn’t difficult for someone who is genuine

You seriously believe this have you spoken to them directly?!?!?!

Yet again another poster who has met / is dating a completely awful excuse for a man and taking to an anonymous public forum to see if everyone else agrees only to dismiss what everyone says and inevitably stay with them 🙄

I know. I honestly feel like banging my head against a brick wall seeing these posts over and over again and then lo and behold his true colours come out

A 6 year old doesn't need "space" from his Dad to "process everything" FFS 🙄

"The boys get anxious about seeing him. That's why he's not gone to court. He wants them to have space to process everything. xx"

Do you really believe this?. (I presume the xx is a typo).

Blimey, he saw you coming a mile off didn't he?. I maintain you were targeted by him, he has seen something in you (rescuer tendencies and a willingness to listen to a sob story) he can and will further exploit.

Especially when they put in their OP

I can't help but feel off about it.

There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything.

But then proceed to defend the bloke on every follow up post 😭

Absolutely. Every valid piece of advice is met with an excuse or a ‘but’

Seems these threads are only started hoping for a unanimous ‘yes what a top bloke he is and so unlucky he met such a horrible old hag. Marry him OP princes like this don’t come along often’