His Ex accused him of beating her

[NicciJane]

I moved to the area just over six months ago having lived in Spain for the last ten years, so I don't have a huge amount of friends to go over this with. I've been seeing someone for a few months and very early on he told me that his ex had suffered a mental breakdown at the end of their relationship and had accused him of beating her. She had him arrested (he was never charged due to a lack of evidence).
He said that they had huge rows but that he never touched her.
She then went on to fake a pregnancy (he already has two sons, 6 and 10, with his ex wife whom he gets on well with by all accounts) and this woman even went as far as telling the boys she was pregnant.

Once he had managed to remove her from his home, she proceeded to stalk him for a year.

Because of all of this, neither one of his sons wish to see him. He has updates from their mother but no physical contact.

The other thing is that, he won't ejaculate inside me. Even when its safe to do so, he pulls out. At times, he'll loose his erection completely. He's told me not to worry about it, and that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but feel off about it.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. He's never shown me his temper, but I don't know any of his friends to ask about his ex, so I'm only getting his side of the story. I've lived in Spain for the last ten years working as a nanny (hence why I find the no contact with the children strange) and only moved to the area six months ago. We do have a couple of mutual acquaintances who swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet.

I'm just not sure what to do?

He's a walking cliché. Surely no one is this naive to believe his version with so much evidence of wrong doing. You'll be the next crazy ex.

Yes, isn't it.

And they don't see their children, for spurious reasons.

Except he gets on very well with the boys’ Mum - they’re just anxious about seeing him. He’s telling you all this to see how you take it, testing the ground to see how much he can get away with before you find out from other sources.

Yes, either there are a lot of men out there with a line of unfortunately crazy exes or there’s a common denominator in each case and it’s the man.

My ex was madly in love with me but he had a crazy ex who slept around and that’s why he accused me of sleeping around as soon as we moved in together. None of it was his fault. It was his crazy promiscuous ex.

Same here! I got accused of all sorts as he'd had to go through so many nasty cheating women before me, the poor little lamb. He was a man of loyalty he always told me prided himself on his morals.

Then I caught him trying to shag a married women, you couldn't make it up.

Regardless of whether what he says is true or not he has too much baggage. I'd move on.

One of my friends had this with her ExH. They had 3 kids and she left him because she found out he was cheating (he'd also run up debt and been doing drugs behind her back - what a gem).

He refused to leave, then when her dad finally came round to drag him out, he bombarded her with messages, turned up outside her house and work, would yell through the letterbox at night to get the kids attention, tried to break in... It went on for months. She called the police to have him removed about 4 times.

He didn't pay anything towards them because "it was her fault he couldn't live with them" 🙄He then proceeded to tell everyone who would listen how my friend was "crazy", how she wouldn't let him see his sons even though he had tried everything, that she was manipulating him, that he was taking her to court to get custody😴

So 82 replies later and you're still defending him. 🙄

How far away does he live from his sons? Just out of interest.

Oh course he's kind, and thoughtful, and loving towards you. How else is he going to ensnare his new victim? It's not like it was in the old days where he battered you with his mammoth leg club before dragging you to his cave.

Seriously. Do you think all abused woman stay with a man who was abusive towards them in the first few weeks? Or, idk, stay because they were kind and thoughtful and loving in the beginning and they keep hoping that part of him will come back if only they said the right words, or used the right tone, or did the right things. Use your brain, and listen to your gut. Run.

There should be a damn list of the stuff these men say; it’s shit testing.

plus points if you say it will never happen to you and the ex is crazy. Then you can be complicit in your own destruction in this man’s mind

Check out wordcasescenario on Instagram or burned haystack dating on Facebook, there are actually lists of stuff these men say and it’s life-changing.

CLARE'S LAW

you can do a DVDS disclosure request and the police will tell you if they have a record of DV from him. However as a general rule men are far more likely to be guilty of DV than not guilty where they have been accused.

Op should just marry this man and live happily ever after.
This is obviously what she wants to hear.
Some people just have to learn the hard way

I think you've won the abusive man bingo here. You can tick off practically everything from the "bollocks shit men speak/do" list.

Move on, you haven't found Prince Charming despite what he's telling you.

This much aggravation a few months in is not worth it. Regardless of how much of it is true. Just pack it in and find someone less complicated.

From my experience I would not continue. He has a complex relationship with most people from the family or exes including his children.

He is probably lying and I would definitely look into Claire’s law.

Run away? That’s what I’d do. Run run run, run and then run some more. Trouble at every turn.

It is possible that his ex has problems, that she told lies and stalked him. He could be telling the truth.

Even if that's the case, it doesn't explain why his children don't want to see him.

And in any case, even if it is the truth, do you want this drama in your life? A man who doesn't see his children, and a stalker ex?

And I suspect he isn't telling the truth.

I'm sure you're lovely, op, but can't help thinking how perfect you are for him.
Not many friends, no support, not been in the area for years, bit naive.

This is clearly bollox. Why would a responsible father want to leave his children with a woman he claims is unhinged? Surely under the circumstances he should be moving heaven and hell to have them with him most of the time.

My ex is a great dad. He would never, not in a million years, have let me get away with denying him access to his kids (not that I would have).

Go with your gut feeling. I think you know…

I don't know what we can say to you @NicciJane

You're determined that this man is your Prince Charming.

You're believing everything he's told you, although it's clearly a load of bollocks.

You’ve know him less than 6 months.

It doesn’t matter if he’s telling the truth or not.

Do you really want to be with someone with all of this baggage?

You don’t even know him properly yet.
You can end thing and then go and find someone who isn’t abusive/has a crazy ex.

Your life will revolve around this drama.

How old are you?