His Ex accused him of beating her

[NicciJane]

I moved to the area just over six months ago having lived in Spain for the last ten years, so I don't have a huge amount of friends to go over this with. I've been seeing someone for a few months and very early on he told me that his ex had suffered a mental breakdown at the end of their relationship and had accused him of beating her. She had him arrested (he was never charged due to a lack of evidence).
He said that they had huge rows but that he never touched her.
She then went on to fake a pregnancy (he already has two sons, 6 and 10, with his ex wife whom he gets on well with by all accounts) and this woman even went as far as telling the boys she was pregnant.

Once he had managed to remove her from his home, she proceeded to stalk him for a year.

Because of all of this, neither one of his sons wish to see him. He has updates from their mother but no physical contact.

The other thing is that, he won't ejaculate inside me. Even when its safe to do so, he pulls out. At times, he'll loose his erection completely. He's told me not to worry about it, and that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but feel off about it.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. There's also a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he might not be telling me everything. He's never shown me his temper, but I don't know any of his friends to ask about his ex, so I'm only getting his side of the story. I've lived in Spain for the last ten years working as a nanny (hence why I find the no contact with the children strange) and only moved to the area six months ago. We do have a couple of mutual acquaintances who swear he's the loveliest guy on the planet.

I'm just not sure what to do?

I'm not seeing the issue,
Hes lying and who needs the drama?
Or hes telling the truth, who needs the drama?
Add in shit in bed and unwilling to find a way to see his children.

Yeah I can certainly see why you might want to keep him. Not.

They are anxious because they know he is abusive and violent. He's lying through his teeth and you are falling for it.

He's told you all this VERY early on.
He's said his Ex is crazy.
He said his Ex is a stalker.
He said his Ex lied about a pregnancy (maybe she had a miscarriage).
He's said he's been arrested - more importantly it was for DA.
He's said his kids don't want to see him.
He's said he won't go to court for his children.
He's implied he's okay leaving his beloved children with a crazy woman...

Every single sentence is a red flag. How many do you need?

You have two choices op, either walk away now or stay and be his next victim.

I also did a clares law.

Turns out he'd threatened to kill his first ex from many years ago and burn her house down.

He didn't tell me that, they have a son he hasn't seen in 10 years, of course he told me it was her new partner who made things awkward and boo hoo for him.

That makes no sense.

Deep down you know that. That's why you're posting.

Surprisingly he never told me when she was pregnant he threatened to.kill her

Then ex number 2 also got him arrested, again not his fault she was nuts.

I got him arrested and I'm just a fantasist who wanted to get back at him.

Run! That little sense of unease is important. Ignore it and it will die.

Bin this one off

They gaslight you too and use others to speak highly of them. His friends thought he was a great guy.

I dropped the charges as he told me I attacked him first. I don't think I did but he said I'm mentally ill so I can't remember. At that point I couldn't tell reality from fake so didn't want to get him charged just incase it was true what he said.

This is before all the previous stuff came out.

Nothing will happen. You’ll find someone else.

Why have you got to give him the benefit of the doubt? You can do whatever you want, without any reason whatsoever. The fact that you’re already doubtful is more than enough to throw him back.

personally, to me, his story stinks to high heaven.

But they are 6 and 10. What on earth are they ‘processing’?
Were they there when he got arrested?
I can’t honestly understand why they’d need space from their dad, as in, not want to actually see their dad, because he fell out with his ex gf.
how long ago did all this happen op?

And you don’t just get arrested simply because someone says ‘he hit me’. He would have been arrested based on the situation the police saw at the time they arrived.

sorry but it sounds like ye isn’t telling you the full truth here. Just enough so if something were to come out you’d ‘know’ about it, and enough for him to paint himself as a victim.

the biggest bit that doesn’t add up is his very young kids not wanting to see him because his ex gf was apparently nuts. Just makes no sense.

how long was he with her? I’d be asking him that and ask him if the kids hated her and she was so nuts, why was he with her at all? Surely, if it was her fault he now doesn’t see the kids, they’d of stopped wanting to see him when he was actually still dating her?

If it looks like a rat, acts like a rat, sounds like a rat there's a 99.99% chance it's a rat.

Walking red flag I'm afraid. Walk away for your own safety and sanity.

In fact thinking on it.
I’ll bet he has done what most abusive lying arseholes do and used the truth but changed it up a bit.
in fact I’d bet the ex didn’t stalk HIM, HE probably was the one stalking HER. That would make more sense as to why the kids won’t see him. They are scared of him.
He probably even told the boys him and his ex were thinking of having a baby and he’s changed that to her telling them she was pregnant.

Be very very careful.
there’s too much that doesn’t add up here.

Op, fucking hell. You would have to have the worst judgement in the world to keep seeing this man.

He was with her for a couple of years. The boys liked her by all accounts.

As I've said, he's shown me nothing but kindness and he did report her to the police for stalking.

Join one of the "are we dating the same guy" Facebook groups for your area and stick his photo up in it. You'll soon get the truth.

My ex showed me nothing but kindness for a while, he played the victim very well. I thought I'd found the humblest man.

Until the abuse started, name calling my first.

With the greatest of respects @NicciJane, you've posted on here expressing concern, said yourself you feel "off" about it and have niggling thoughts, now every single reply is saying you need to get away from this man and all you're doing is defending him?

What exactly was it you wanted to achieve by your post? You wanted people's opinions but are just ignoring them all?

Is his ex holding down a job and managing a household by any chance? So many of these psycho exes are functioning perfectly well after the relationship ends.

Exactly

Bullshit.
What are they anxious about?
Because he's violent, probably.

As I've said, he's shown me nothing but kindness and he did report her to the police for stalking

Did he, aye.

Funny how all these horrible arseholes have "crazy" ex partners isn't it.