Where can I find a husband?

[Topsysmum24]

I've been a single parent since I was pregnant and my child is 12 now! I've had a few casual relationships during that time but nothing serious because I haven't had the time to invest in a relationship.

It's felt like I've been in survival mode these past 12 years, trying to get by, trying to raise my child, trying to pay off debts, trying to improve my education, trying get a career established. Never any money for hobbies, travel, or much socialising.

As a result of the above, I don't have many friends. The friends I do have are married and only really know other married people so there is no one they can set me up with (I've asked).

I'm now in my mid 30s. I have a masters degree and I'm making progress in my profession. I'm finally doing ok! I went to a trendy fitness class today, it felt so good to do something fun for myself.

Now I have more time and less stress in my life, I'm ready to meet someone. I'd like to expand my social circle too but I kinda know how to do that.

But where can I meet someone for a relationship? Where do people meet nowadays? I'm on Bumble but most of the guys on there seem pretty uninspiring to say the least!

I'm looking for my equal. I want the usual things like kindness, love, genuineness. I want someone who is ambitious and enjoys the work they do. I don't want a rich man to sponge off but neither do I want a poor man - I'm bored of struggling financially, I want an easier life. I'm doing well creating that for myself, I want a man to build that with me. I want someone I feel physically attracted to, someone who is good fun and who can have a laugh.

I want something serious, I don't want to mess about. I want the loving husband, nice house, dog, maybe even another baby. I want what everyone else (seemingly!) has.

Where can I find what I'm looking for? Where do attractive, single men in their 30s hang out?

I'm not sporty at all! Things I'm interested in seem to be more female dominated so I'm unlikely to meet a man in a hobby group. My career is (again!) female dominated. I've just started a new job and there's only two men in the whole building!

I know you say you aren’t sporty but sport clubs and dating sites are all I can think of. Some dating sites are better than others.

@Cakemaker2222 which dating sites are better? I was on Tinder years ago but that's more of a hook-up app nowadays. Bumble is dire. Which ones have you had success with?

Dating site wise maybe try Hinge? I know 2 of my single friends are on there and get lots of attention/dates x

Find out which of your local pubs put on live music. If you've got someone to go with, that's good. If you haven't, go anyway. Get a drink and enjoy the music. Dance, sing, have fun.
Happy, smiley people attract other happy people. Believe me.

photography club. Buy a more interesting car. Park run? Pub. Choir? Bird watching. Local history group.

I haven’t used dating sites in 10yrs so someone else will hopefully give you updated advice. I found the sites I paid for had more serious searchers and met a couple of lovely guys. Some sites are specific to religion / interests which can help with the matching process. I’d only message for 2 weeks max, then we’d meet. No point in wasting time with endless messages.
I met my husband through a friend, but a number of my friends have met their spouse through dating sites so I wouldn’t rule them out.
In terms of clubs, how about mountain walking? Or something that isn’t competitive?
Or how about singing / music classes? Or a leisure course (eg photography)? I’ve heard camera clubs are full of men but they might be older, I’ve never been. Might make new friends if nothing else.

I found my husband on eharmony six years ago, I was 30. There were not a lot of matches there, but the matches that I got were all pleasant and would have made a decent pair.

If I have to date now again, I would definitely start with the paid websites, it filters quite a lot of noise.
I was in relations between 25-30. The one thing that I noticed when I started dating at 30 is that subconsciously I was still holding in my head the images of the guys that were around me when I was 25. At first, it was quite a shock to me to realise that guys at 35 could have grey hair, for example, or not all are involved in adventure travelling and extreme sports. So it is worth have in mind that it can be bias in what you are looking for.
It took me quite a lot of soul searching to realise that the problem is in me, not them.

As a reference, I went on around 40 dates before meeting my current husband, I would say 20 dates were quite nice, and 6-8 were exceptional but didn't happen to be that into me. The more I was dating the better matches I was getting. It took me a good part of a year to realise what I am doing wrong.

I'm going to be heading into the dating world soon and I'm dreading it. I watch some of the first date programmes on telly and think they do quite well to match people (sometimes!). I've only ever dated through friends of friends and hate the idea of total strangers! I wish match-making services were a bit cheaper!

Can you order one online like a russian/thai wife?

@Mrsttcno1 I'll give Hinge a try, thanks

@Dillydollydingdong That's a good idea. I do actually quite like pubs and live music so I'm up for giving it a try a few times

@Scarletrunner Bird watching? I want a sexy young man, not Jacob Rees-Mogg! Park Run might be something I can do, thanks

@Cakemaker2222 I've joined a few hiking groups on social media, I haven't plucked up the courage to go yet!

@HmAndAh The 40 dates is a good reference point for me, thanks

@Oldncranky Good luck! I flirted with the idea of going on a dating show, I decided against it as I'd be mortified going into work the next day. What if colleagues or clients saw me on the telly?!

@Grazianoscubanheel Unfortunately not, I've already checked. I think it's an absolute disgrace, you can buy anything online, why not a husband? Come on, Amazon. Pull your finger out!

Would you describe yourself as a sexy young woman then?

One piece of advice that I was giving when dating was just to go outside and notice how the partners of the men you like/whose lifestyle you want to share look like and ask yourself how you fit the image.

I was aspiring for John Lewis/national trust/outdoors lifestyle so I basically went to local branches and was observing how the women look like there with the men I would like in principle. Updating my wardrobe with a few elegant pieces and a couple of recognisable outdoors logos definitely did help to get more matches.

Another suggestion was to remove photos from the bars and extreme adventures from the dating sites and replace with the everyday photos from the park and local surroundings. This is again to send the right message.

I think dating sites are the way to go these days. Joining gyms and so on is a bit too hit and miss. At least folk on dating sites want to date. Hopefully in any case!

The wine aisle, Sainsburys Saturday night. I have a friend who pulled there but It didnt in marriage Im afraid.

OP I am am in precisely the same boat!

No advice really, the dating pool in my area is poor! I've deduced I'm better alone than settling...

Looking for a dad for your kid at the expense of an unsuspecting poor man won’t end up well.
focus on yourself and love will find you….you don’t need a man to have a nice house and a dog. Don’t be a gold digger.
take care dear

What are your genuine interests and what are the female dominated hobbies you mention? What can you talk about with enthusiasm and how good are you at conversation both the serious stuff and the more fun stuff. What I found was men like having a laugh. I am the opposite to you and worked in a male dominated environment for quite a few years and like sport and hiking. That was my big observation, you make them laugh, they love it.

@Topsysmum24

You could consult a bureau such as Sara Eden or Country Partners, if you wanted help with your quest, OP. It's not a cheap option, but it might be the right one for you.

@HmAndAh I absolutely do consider myself a sexy young woman, whether others would agree is a different matter 🤣 I like your suggestion of looking at the partners/lifestyle of my "type" of man. I think I'd fit in but maybe there's room for a few tweaks.

@Santasjingleballs Please don't be so rude and insulting.

@ViciousCurrentBun I take your point about making more of an effort to widen my hobbies and interests which is what I think you're getting at. I will give it some thought. I'm not completely closed off to men, I've always got on well with men and I have male single friends, just none that I fancy. I'm good at flirting and get attention from guys but I don't think I'm going to the right places to meet someone suitable. I think I've go5 stuck in a rut. I've had my nose to the grindstone for so long, I haven't really changed the type of places I frequent.

@Topsysmum24

You have put your son first, and that makes you admirable. In the end, a good man will come along, a husband and a father who will be a strong role model for your child. I sincerely wish this for you. I have also sent you a private message to share a similar story.

Agree. If it happens naturally then great but at a group or park run, how many of the people are your demography (ie right sex and right age group). How do you then know who is single and looking? In sites there are a lot of idiots but there are some gems too

Where on earth did she imply this? In fact she was clear she is feeling better and doing well professionally, having done the hard younger child years on her own.

Sorry, OP, you get lots of judgment on mn if youre a mother who wants to date again. You’re only allowed to meet someone at a running or walking club or randomly in a pub and then just date for 5 years before they can meet your kid.

Or you can do what most people do and meet via friends, neighbours or on a dating site. Be strategic about the matter. Meet within 1-2 weeks, put a few irons in the fire, like at least 5 per day, post 5 shots of you. Agree think about what you portray. Good luck

@Username59493 Christ. You MUST be a man? “Girls who go to uni are more likely to have slept around”???? Hahahahahahaha, pissing myself laughing at the utter bat shittery of this comment!!