Where can I find a husband?

[Topsysmum24]

I've been a single parent since I was pregnant and my child is 12 now! I've had a few casual relationships during that time but nothing serious because I haven't had the time to invest in a relationship.

It's felt like I've been in survival mode these past 12 years, trying to get by, trying to raise my child, trying to pay off debts, trying to improve my education, trying get a career established. Never any money for hobbies, travel, or much socialising.

As a result of the above, I don't have many friends. The friends I do have are married and only really know other married people so there is no one they can set me up with (I've asked).

I'm now in my mid 30s. I have a masters degree and I'm making progress in my profession. I'm finally doing ok! I went to a trendy fitness class today, it felt so good to do something fun for myself.

Now I have more time and less stress in my life, I'm ready to meet someone. I'd like to expand my social circle too but I kinda know how to do that.

But where can I meet someone for a relationship? Where do people meet nowadays? I'm on Bumble but most of the guys on there seem pretty uninspiring to say the least!

I'm looking for my equal. I want the usual things like kindness, love, genuineness. I want someone who is ambitious and enjoys the work they do. I don't want a rich man to sponge off but neither do I want a poor man - I'm bored of struggling financially, I want an easier life. I'm doing well creating that for myself, I want a man to build that with me. I want someone I feel physically attracted to, someone who is good fun and who can have a laugh.

I want something serious, I don't want to mess about. I want the loving husband, nice house, dog, maybe even another baby. I want what everyone else (seemingly!) has.

Where can I find what I'm looking for? Where do attractive, single men in their 30s hang out?

I'm not sporty at all! Things I'm interested in seem to be more female dominated so I'm unlikely to meet a man in a hobby group. My career is (again!) female dominated. I've just started a new job and there's only two men in the whole building!

I agree with this. I met my happy smiling partner when I was 47, at an electronic dance event at a local pub. Dating sites are beyond dire. Couldn't go back to them.

My sister's friend did this American thing where you ask people you know if they know anyone they can fix you up on a date with. It worked surprisingly well and she ended up marrying the dentist of a work colleague.

Cricket - loads of nice posh blokes at cricket events. Quite pissed tho.

I always says this but I think it is number game. If you contact ten people, go on five dates, like two and go on two more dates with them more than waiting around for one good Match.

bat walks ?

@Topsysmum24 , Difficult Isn't It? In the same position, but I'm a guy. Maybe don't look necessarily for husband material right out of the gate, but someone compatible, solvent, and someone who ostensibly meets your initial criteria. Don't rush It, but online is a disaster, so many people in the same situation. Depressing. Good luck. Try to find someone genuine who wants the same things as you and who you can get to know gradually. Good luck.

I went on Bumble.

I wrote a profile about my interests and wants. I did not engage with anyone who wasn’t interesting. Any mention of sex I was out of there. I also had set things I did - eg anyone not picking up on stuff in my bio - no. Anyone who told me all what they were doing and didn’t ask me - no. Anyone who said they liked reading got asked their favourite book? Then their current book etc

A date was a drink. I was looking for nice and kind and interesting.

I started 100 conversations over 3 years. I met four of those. One I dated for 5 dates and then dumped as he was just offloading on me, one no connection, one no manners to bar staff etc

I met my current partner on there. We exchanged about 10 messages before a phone call. I loved his voice. In fact we had two conversations before we met. We met for a dog walk. And it was lovely / lasted 2 hours with an impromptu lunch. Second date was following weekend - national trust place and we took it in turns buying tea. Third date was a concert and we talked for hours and had drinks. Four date we went to an art gallery and he held my hand and I fell in love. We spent the whole day together and finished it with a kiss.

When he said he was phoning - he phoned. When he said I will be there at 8 - he was.

Sex was led by me not him - he said he would wait for how ever long I wanted. He lost his wife 4 years ago but they had been childhood sweethearts but I wasn’t his first relationship after he has dated after a year - wasn’t ready and did it again after 3 years.

He is amazing and I’m so lucky to have him and him me.

Try a paid for dating site, I paid for 6 months and met dp after 4. Because money changes hands you just get fewer time wasters, everyone or at least nearly everyone is serious in wanting to meet someone. I paid £100 though was 5 years ago, a good investment. BTW there won't be as many "hits" but quality not quantity

Sometimes they just appear. Mine was a one night stand who never left!

It's a combination of social activities and dating sites.

30s is quite hard as single childless men who haven't found a relationship by this age are often quite career focused. If you are open to 5-10 years older you may expand your choices.
Also a guy in his mid 30s who wants a child may not want to wait or what happens often is they may look to date younger because it means they can have a few years for the relationship to grow first.

Are you open to someone who has children?

@beebopdoobop , is quite correct. Guys in their mid thirties, who haven't found anyone, I'm one of them, will be focused ostensibly on their day to day careers, promotions, advancement and might find It incredibly difficult to make time for a relationship. They'll want to, but they'll have gotten used to being independent, not a bad thing on the face of It, and will just need patience to get used to a relationship dynamic potentially, sharing, all that good stuff. Giving time to another person is hard when you've always relied on yourself for everything.

Same applies for women, too.

@Topsysmum24 The issue is that there aren't really any 3rd spaces these days. The outdoors is more unpleasant since British people decided to drive ugly SUVs, which has made our towns and crities less walkable. People go to pubs and nightclubs less.

Also, nowadays, it's definitely less socially acceptable to do a cold approach on strangers. Personally, I find it exhausting and draining whenever strangers try to talk to me.

The apps are the best option because you know all of the people there have signed up for the same reason. If I was looking for a relationship, I would start by using an app or website.

@Topsysmum24 , As a guy, I'd be terrified to approach coldly, I've a visual disability, nightmare, and that type of approach doesn't really happen anymore, although It's actually preferable to spending inordinate time on the bloody apps. A no win, if you will...

E-harmony is where I met mine.

Eharmony is pretty good, reputedly.

Bird watching and local history group? What kind of 30-something men do you think you'd find in either of those? I'm thinking 60-something with beards 😂Don't take this advice OP!

I know nothing about dating sites (I've been married for years), but I'd try and meet people IRL, if that is an option. There is no substitute for looking someone in the eye. Going to the pub to listen to some live music sounds like a great idea.

Park runs are a good option. Avoid classic fm dating though, total bust.

How does a man you fancy find women he fancies?

Do that.

I am married and older but I got chatted up while waiting to pick up a Chinese take away a few weeks ago. He was age appropriate and was a journalism lecturer, weird as I’m married to a lecturer. So people can meet in the wild.

There is one issue with apps and that is no one can really feel the vibe till they meet so I reckon don’t waste loads of time chatting. It works both ways and they could feel the same.

I belong to two hiking groups, one is mixed and one is women only and a couple did meet at this group and are now married.

Plus as you have a child it means maybe having a blended family and as much as people on MN will get massively irritated it adds another layer of difficulty. Obviously it makes no difference to some people.

Depends on what you are imagining a husband is OP.

Mid 30s guys ready for marriage, some, wouldn't want to become a step-dad at the same time. But some will love you, daughter, the whole package.

Warhammer workshops would be a good option, if kind, quite, but scared to approach women but not because they are rubbish just a bit socially awkward.

I would get out as much as you can, go to parkrun, cinema screenings, tasting nights, heck even just a local busy pub to eat. A confident, independent, attractive woman, alone, if a guy is looking they would come over and try and say hello.

God, I'm pretty confident, mutual flirting with a lovely lady at Starbucks over the weekend for example, but not sure I'd approach a single woman in a pub.

Why not?

It's not socially acceptable.

You need to do both-

1. be the person that the sort of person you’d want to be with would want to be with. Live that life and hope they appear. AND

2. get online and write a good profile. Natural, happy pictures and a simple but cliche free write-up. Don’t list a load of likes and dislikes, but do describe yourself as a person. I also said something like ‘I don’t care how tall you are but I’d like you to be hot, funny and kind’. I got a lot of viable offers as I guess it sounded genuine (it was!).

Don't you understand @Buildingthefuture ???

Educated women are SLUTS. Everybody knows. Ok?!

There. I said it for that user 😂

@frozendaisy , something I need to do maybe, but I'd be terrified of making her uncomfortable or disturbing her from her food, for example.