What do you do when you have suspicions about your adult child's partner?

[womworried]

What would you do if you had suspicions (only suspicions) about your dd's partner? They have a young child together and have lived together for about two years. There's always been something about him that seems off even though he is very charming and hard-working. My mother when she first met him said that she was concerned he might be a control freak. I was concerned about that for a while but now I'm worried about something else. I wonder if he might be cottaging.

What makes you think this?

I had to Google cottaging.
So you think he is gay?

What has he done to make you think he’s cottaging? That’s a very specific suspicion

Why is specifically cottaging a concern?

It seems a jump to assume cottaging but I expect you will tell us why, Op.

Have you followed him and actually seen him go into a public toilet and then leave some time later with a smile on his face?

Wow. That's some leap. What makes you suspect that specifically?

I had to google that too!
Why are you suspicious? I've met men who I could have sworn were gay and then I meet their wife and they are wonderful together.
Unless your child says something there is nothing you can, or should, do.

Is this another one of those half term threads?

Have you tried playing him George Michael's video after he was caught cottaging with an undercover policemen and made a video in response?

Not followed him, no, but saw him come out of a restaurant toilet with a guy following him out who was smirking. I know people are going to say that doesn't mean anything at all but I know what I saw. It looked odd. DD had said before he went into the toilet that her partner always seems to bump into men he knows in the mens toilets and that he's always in there a while chatting. This was said completely innocently. I'd be surprised if she even knew what cottaging was.

No it's bloody well not.

im Actually embarassed for you op; I really am. What a cringe worthy imagination you have.

This is a very specific and weird concern of yours op.

'Not followed him, no, but saw him come out of a restaurant toilet with a guy following him out who was smirking. I know people are going to say that doesn't mean anything at all but I know what I saw. It looked odd. DD had said before he went into the toilet that her partner always seems to bump into men he knows in the mens toilets and that he's always in there a while chatting. This was said completely innocently. I'd be surprised if she even knew what cottaging was.'

I think you need help.

Men do not have chats in public toilets.

Cottaging is not arranging to meet other men you know in restaurant toilets with your family right there in the restaurant.

Cottaging is
anonymous sex between men in a public lavatory (a "cottage" or "tea-room"), or cruising for sexual partners with the intention of having sex elsewhere

Why on earth did your mind go straight to gay sex?

How on earth would you know that?

I think it is a possibility. Sometimes, people get away with things because others are trusting. I cannot imagine what you could say or do, though.

I don't think this kind of activity happens in restaurant toilets nearly as often as you seem to think it does

How weirdly obscure and specific your complaint is. I doubt very much he's giving blow jobs to randoms in the loos of restaurants that he's gone to with his family.

You might be surprised

Surely people know that?! Ask any straight man.

Are you for real? What’s wrong with you? My toes are curling.

It seems pretty unlikely to me that family restaurant toilets are packed full of blokes hoping for gay sex at 2pm in the afternoon or whenever.

My understanding is more around the public lavs in the evening around Hampstead Heath.