What do you do when you have suspicions about your adult child's partner?

[womworried]

What would you do if you had suspicions (only suspicions) about your dd's partner? They have a young child together and have lived together for about two years. There's always been something about him that seems off even though he is very charming and hard-working. My mother when she first met him said that she was concerned he might be a control freak. I was concerned about that for a while but now I'm worried about something else. I wonder if he might be cottaging.

I'd think drugs before cottaging.

Right, so straight men dont talk in the toilets. Do gay men talk?

The Sti bit, well who knows, but a guy coming out of the toilets smirking could mean any number of things completely unrelated to your son in law.

My thought was drugs, not cottaging

AFAIK men tend to be 'eyes forward ' in public toilet
I'd recommend that your DD gets tested though, if symptoms of an STI are showing, no harm done

Christ on a bendy bus. What a weird post.

Most men don't chat in the toilets, that's out of the question, but according to OP they do often get sucked off.

The bloke went to the loo in a restaurant. Literally that was it. A family restaurant with his wife outside. What makes you think drugs? The man behind him had nothing to do with him 😂😂😂

Honestly they probably just had a bit of banter! Men love to joke around so it seems perfectly normal that they'd be smirking/laughing. I never in a million years would jump from a smirk to cottaging!

Is it half term?

Men don't always just bump into mates in toilets and stay chatting. That's odd. I had a mate who is gay who used to do that - when seeing girls. Before he came out

Either this is made up or there is something weird going on. Not sure why people are so keen to try and tell OP it's perfectly normal for men to keep bumping into friends in the loo.

I mean, when's the last time you bumped into someone you knew in a restaurant toilet, who you didn't already know was in the restaurant? It's hardly a regular occurance.

How long was he in the toilet for? Must have been a very fast BJ/shag

I think we should be friends.

“Coke before cock” was not a phrase I thought I’d be reading on MN on a Wednesday afternoon 😳.

OP I agree men don’t stand around talking in public toilets - my dh absolutely agrees on this. The rest seems a bit of a stretch 😬

choking here, ha ha, stay away from windows, pal

The STD is a bit of anomaly but if it's not drugs but turns out to be gay. What's your problem. Gay men are quite capable of being good husbands and fathers, live happy lives with a woman and have kids. It's not so long ago that homosexuality was a crime so unless you married you would end up alone - before the age os same sex marriage of course.

There are still many cultures where a man is expected to marry and have children : https://www.huffpost.com/entry/frankly-my-deargay-men-ma_b_10806572

Are you worried that your DD has a STI, OP? Is she symptomatic?

@Nantescalling I understand that societal pressures mean gay men may still be pressured to marry - doesn’t mean if my daughter discovered her husband had deceived her about his sexuality that I’d just shrug it off! That’s one hell of a leap.

Or being repeatedly unfaithful!

I think that the evidence is 100% overwhelming that he is popping out to the toilet during lunch with his family to give a blowjob to someone he contacted on a gay hook-up website. A lot of family men do this, more than you might think. Ask any straight man, they constantly get badgered in the toilets for sex.

@YNK Is he perhaps a police informer or conducting some other covert activity?

You'll break a bone if you stretch like that.

Not read the full thread (yet) but men definitely do chat about shite in the toilets. My old office was next to the gents loo (urinals) and it definitely wasn't a place for silence and solitude.

If blokes have got their todgers out in the men's urinals then they talk about inane rubbish as a distraction. ... Alright mate, see the game last night. Shame we lost but it's better than watching that crap my missus watches. Oh yeah, bloody love island and emmerdale. I keep telling her it's not real life. That's why they come out smiling - shared knowledge that their better halves watch shite tv and they are not alone in their pain of endurance having to watch it. Then they go back to the table / office / wherever and are all Yes Dear how fascinating.

Trust your gut though OP. It might not be cottaging but you've sensed something is 'off' about him so there probably is. Not really sure what you could do about it though if your daughter, as an adult, hasn't expressed any concerns.

Oh, he might have a smaller penis than the other guy and that's why the other guy was smirking. Men's urinals are not private places.

I think you and your mum have too much time on your hands.

I think it's definitely possible and a man with a girlfriend or child is not really able to go cruising at night. However you do not know this is happening and goodness knows how you would be able to find out more without setting him up somehow.