What do you do when you have suspicions about your adult child's partner?

[womworried]

What would you do if you had suspicions (only suspicions) about your dd's partner? They have a young child together and have lived together for about two years. There's always been something about him that seems off even though he is very charming and hard-working. My mother when she first met him said that she was concerned he might be a control freak. I was concerned about that for a while but now I'm worried about something else. I wonder if he might be cottaging.

So you're honestly saying that if your husband was shagging other people (men or women) in public toilets you'd be fine with it?

It's literally such a leap from is he controlling to I think he's cottaging

Wtf

I've just proposed this to a gay male friend who is seated with me now and his response was: 'Don't be stupid. Why risk being caught in a public toilet when you can just hook up with someone on Grindr and meet at their place.'

He also thinks the chances of meeting random gay men in restaurants every time is extremely slim. It just doesn't happen - even to an out gay man!

His verdicts is that you have a very active imagination probably fed by dislike for your son-in-law.

Does your daughter have an STD?

It does seem unlikely he would be doing this in a family restaurant. However, there is obviously something significant that has made you feel this way….

I guess all you can do is see what happens

Maybe the bloke who came out after him was smirking because he's got a bigger Willy than your son in law?

A quick glance at the urinals is all it would take.

Photo of a Willy for information purposes.

I think that for some people that would be exactly why they would do it. They would get off on it.

does he ave an std is that what the concern is

Never had any suspicion of this going on in a restaurant toilet.

If anything untoward was going on in the gents (unlikely if your only evidence is a fellow diner smirking to himself) then it will have been cocaine

Maybe Mr Smirker had a palsy and wasn't actually smirking at all.

Definitely not hiding in public toilet. I am thinking more like an 'open' marriage which is the modern way of saying lover or mistress is OK. Only when both parties agree. May sound odd but it's a way of avoiding divorce and the damage that does to offspring.

🤣🤣 at this.

And "coke before cock".

Some of these replies are fucking hilarious. Thanks for cheering up my Wednesday OP.

I think it's more likely that he's involved in drugs. Just need to work out if it's buying or selling

As a straight bloke I feel duty bound to address the incredibly important issue of 2024: "do straight men talk in toilets?"

The answer is "Yes, yes we do". We also share nods or smiles, especially, for example, if stood at the urinals hearing someone have a 'challenging' shit in the cubicle.

We're not all emotional repressed blokes from the 70s or scared someone might think we're gay if share eye contact.

I've just asked my DH how many times he's encountered men in the act of cottaging in the gents toilets in restaurants, and as a fairly worldly and well experienced man, he said zero.

I'd stick with the controlling theory and maybe ask her how she's going?

Why are you all being such bitches to the OP? She's worried about her DD.

This is Relationships not AIBU. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I think the opener of control freak, which lurched quickly into gay cottager then crashed into drug user with a side of STD, it's all just a bit too much excitement for most people on a Wednesday morning.

Hmm I see! Thank you. I'm so gullible 😂

The fact that your DD has actually noticed he always seems to meet friends in the toilets and have a chat, must surely means it happens quite a lot?
My DP seems to know everyone around as lived here his whole life but I can't think of one occasion where I've noticed him taking his time in the loo and having a chat. I mean most men just go in, get on with it and leave. Perhaps with a quick 'alright Barry, hows it going? Good yeah, well see you around'.
However, it doesn't mean cottaging. But I can see where you came to that if he doesn't do drugs.Perhaps he just likes chatting in the mens loos?
Only way to find out I guess is to have another bloke he doesn't know follow him in and see. but thats a bit creepy! Although it would confirm that he does just stand and chat, I don't know.

Well, I wasn't expecting that...

Maybe that niche hobby that all MNetters DHs have isn't cycling after all? It's cottaging

No wonder they are all worried that naming the hobby will be outing.😂

People are always saying trust your instincts on here so why aren’t we saying the same to OP?

I wonder if you have any gay friends of associates in that you could confide in? I feel like Gay men have really good 'gaydar' to recognise other gay men or men in the closet so to speak. You could ask what they think? They could maybe also have a look on Grindr or other gay dating / sex apps?

😂