Is watching porn at work really a common thing?

[Tuelanak]

My husband watches porn and I'm fine with it.
However, he told me that he also sometimes watches it in the bathroom at work and it made me wonder if it was symptomatic of something more serious?

Is it really a thing that people commonly? I'd think the environment itself wouldn't put someone in the mood and the fear of getting caught would turn them off but clearly I'm wrong.

We barely have sex so I wonder if it's because he lost attraction to me. I'm pregnant with our second child, so admittedly don't look like I did before.

I was watching a movie and the opening scene was a man watching porn at work and getting caught by his colleague, his colleague pities him and tells him he must be miserable in his marriage and stupid as it is it made me start to question things too

Thank you

Is he actually wanking off at work? I mean I can't imagine it would be great if anyone overheard him!!

I think you need to ask him. Do you want sex? What happens when you instigate? Did it dip in your first pregnancy? How are things outside of the bedroom?

and the fear of getting caught would turn them off

No, you've got that backwards. To some the fear of getting caught turns them on (more). They need to be found. It's a similar to flashing, which is a crime.

He could be sacked for it so I hope you are financially independent.

Yes he does, he told me he finishes.

I asked him and he said he knows he shouldn't do it at work in case he gets caught, but that he's happy in our marriage and that I'm overthinking it.

He's rarely in the mood when I initiate it, and he very rarely initiates it.

Outside of the bedroom everything is fine. We were both virgins until marriage, but although he was all touchy and lovey dovey when we were dating it stopped once we got married, and we've always had trouble with our sex life to be honest.

I think sex with me was not what he expected

That's not normal in anyway to be watching porn + wanking in the work loos!

Sounds like perhaps you'd both do well with speaking to someone outside the marriage on this?

I had never thought of that. He did say he gets bored of regular vanilla porn easily and has to seek more "thrill inducing" content, so that would make a lot of sense.

I will look into couple therapy, that's a good idea.

@Tuelanak he's probably rarley in the mood because from what your saying with him doing it at work and home etc, he's probably addicted which can make them not want to do it with there partner because they enjoy how they do it with porn etc. ( my ex used to tell me it's more exciting watching others on porn) so yeah🫤

No, is not common unless he works in an sperm donor clinic and even in that case should be the clients watching it in theirs rooms not in the toilet.

Sacking offence where I work. Totally unprofessional.

Yup, I know of two men at work sacked for this.

I’d hazard a guess that he’s hooked on porn and is has developed some fetishes because of it or there is the potential he is not straight.

You need an honest chat and also I think Hes the one who needs therapy.

It’s really really really not normal however even back in the days long before smartphones, there were always men who got off on wanking in the office toilets.

As others have said it’s sackable offence - gross misconduct with the emphasis on GROSS

He did say he gets bored of regular vanilla porn easily and has to seek more "thrill inducing" content,

we've always had trouble with our sex life to be honest.
He's rarely in the mood when I initiate it,

You have a porn addicted DH and he needs to seek counselling. He shouldn't be turning down a real woman who is in front of him and wanting sex for online thrills. It's not you, it's him. And he is putting the family security/home at risk by doing it where he could get sacked, or even have the police involved (and therefore newspapers). It is no longer "just porn".

So he’s more interested in wanking watching his phone than having real sex with his wife? Yeah there’s a big issue here - that’s really not in any way normal

What a charmer. The only man I know who did this was sacked.

Thank goodness no one I've ever met watched porn, I wouldn't stay if I'm not good enough then bye bye

Putting the problems with porn aside, a man that feels that he needs to have a wank at work has issues. Can he not wait the length of a working day? This alone would gross me out.

No, it's not normal. No, you're not over reacting. Absolutely nothing about this would be ok to me - choosing porn instead of a real partner, wanting more and more extreme porn, and watching it at work. Fuck that.

He is way, way over the threshold of 'normal' and needs help before it ruins other aspects of his (and your) life.

I’m an employment solicitor and get more calls than I should about this sort of thing happening. However it isn’t ‘normal’, that’s why the grubby bastards get sacked.

This too. Can you imagine if straight after he walks into a meeting and shakes hands 🤢

Yes this is addiction.

Get on over to reddit love after porn forum you'll get lots of good advice and resources. If you go to counselling you need a specialised therapist atsac that understands sex addiction. You will also need betrayal trauma therapy. Are you in the UK op? We have less resources over here than USA but we do have the laurel centre.

Considering you were both virgins before the marriage I would suggest seeing a therapist together. Especially with the comments from your partner about looking for more “thrilling” porn, it sounds like he has some kinks/preferences that you should be openly talking about.

Urgh! He sounds absolutely grim. It probably is ‘normal’ for pathetic men who can’t keep their hands of their dicks for five minutes.

Although his issues are causing issues in your marriage, his issues are all his. He probably needs some solo professional support but I can’t see that happening anytime soon because his behaviour is so ingrained.

He's got an addiction and his grip is too tight when wanking off so sex with a real person isn't the same. He probably also has unrealistic expectations on sex from watching bad porn. Things like sticking his semi in his partner 3 or 4 times should do the trick and send her off into leg shaking orgasms.

Honestly, you've got your work cut out.

Is he worth it?

This is grim.

So he's rejecting you and choosing porn over real life sex with his wife and he's risking his job and therefore your family's financial security. Not to mention potential public humiliation. What a prize he is.

Definitely suggest he gets some help, maybe consider couples therapy.