Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner’s porn choices disgust me

134 replies

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 19:14

Its crazy because I never thought this would be an issue for me but I was wrong. I knew that my DP watched porn and I generally don’t have an issue with it (I’ll even watch some myself at times). He’s never made a secret of it either, but it’s nothing we really discussed much because I don’t share his interests there.
The problem is I saw some seriously disgusting stuff on his phone and kept scrolling and I can’t unsee it now. There was one video with over 1000 comments and lots of people there even asked how the fuck this was legal and on a porn site because that’s how wrong it looked. It’s all legal and legit but seriously creepy and I’m more than disgusted for a variety of reasons. He doesn’t get it at all.
I don’t think I can just put this aside and I’m so upset.

OP posts:
workshy46 · 30/12/2023 19:39

What was it .. hard to say without knowing ?

EspressoMacchiato · 30/12/2023 19:42

OP you’re either being purposely obtuse or getting a kick out of drip feeding.

So tiresome.

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 30/12/2023 19:44

Tell us what it was!

Once you’ve seen something you can’t unsee it can you.

In general though I’d say this is what comes of snooping on your partner’s phone. His fantasies/curiosities aren’t “him”.

Stichintime · 30/12/2023 19:45

You think your partner is a bit more pervy then you realised? Tricky.

Wheresmybroomstick · 30/12/2023 19:47

It depends on whether it was just unpleasant or whether it was completely immoral (such as animals or worse) in my opinion.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 19:49

I'm assuming it was someone who looked like a child. Or someone 'role playing' SA... Which on these sites is actually more than likely to be real in both counts.

Whatever it was, if it made you react this way I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

Deathbyfluffy · 30/12/2023 19:49

Okay.
Hard to give any more input without knowing what the content was

Whattodo112222 · 30/12/2023 19:53

If its underage teens, children or animals...I'd call the police.

It's really hard to give advice when your post is so obtuse.

Original poster
MayaTea · 30/12/2023 19:54

The disgusting thing was some Japanese stuff with an extremely young looking actress in it. I googled her and she is in her 20s but it really looked like this was a very young looking girl. I clearly wasn’t the only one who thought that given the shocked comments.
I’m usually fine with the stuff that he watches and some of it is niche but this was just gross.

OP posts:
SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 30/12/2023 19:55

I knew that my DP watched porn and I generally don’t have an issue with it
why do you not have a problem with porn? Ignoring that, you do have a problem with the porn he is accessing.

you have to ask yourself what is your line in the sand? Is this the viewing habits and fantasies of a good man?

bellinisurge · 30/12/2023 19:56

Trust your instincts. Don't care how old this actress is.

Stichintime · 30/12/2023 19:56

So you're fine with some niches but not others?

Cocoalover · 30/12/2023 19:57

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 19:54

The disgusting thing was some Japanese stuff with an extremely young looking actress in it. I googled her and she is in her 20s but it really looked like this was a very young looking girl. I clearly wasn’t the only one who thought that given the shocked comments.
I’m usually fine with the stuff that he watches and some of it is niche but this was just gross.

Massive red flag, and I would be questioning him on this and questioning who he is. I'd probably leave over that if he's interested in watching women that look like kids 🤮

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 30/12/2023 19:59

In a weird way I think porn sites work like all social media, they kind of compete for who can be weirdest/most attention-seeking/crass and that takes things in some directions that would seem absolutely horrifying to the uninitiated. There’s some crazy shit out there. Have you spoken to him about it? Have you clarified why you were looking through his phone?

Zippedydoodahday · 30/12/2023 20:00

I totally understand why the fact he is watching something that is made to look like child abuse would disgust you. I couldn't bring myself to live with someone that wanted to wank off to that.

Original poster
MayaTea · 30/12/2023 20:02

Yeah I didn’t have an issue with other stuff but with this now.

OP posts:
Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 20:03

Stichintime · 30/12/2023 19:56

So you're fine with some niches but not others?

Mutually consensual porn between willing participanting adults (home made type of stuff like onlyfans rather than big production which can be dubious) is miles apart from porn that centres around young teens or illegal themes

To make out like all porn is bad is trivialising the porn that is actually illegal and wrong. I'm guessing you will answer saying all porn is wrong but we both know it's not. Some people may have a moral aversion but if the participants actively want to make it its Noone's business who makes or watches it.

Stuff with 18 years old that look 13 is completely different and DISTURBING.

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 30/12/2023 20:04

I wish people would realise that porn has it dirty little roots in child abuse. All of it. So whoever watches it, paying or not, has a part in that.

Stop being so "cool" and realise you are part of the problem that has warped and will warp generations if you watch porn.

Whether you think this poor person in the video is 12 or 22 - it is all the same. Abuse. And raise you bar, fgs

Shhhhivegotasecret · 30/12/2023 20:05

Totally stomach turning - it would absolutely stop me being attracted to him

Beginningless · 30/12/2023 20:05

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 30/12/2023 20:04

I wish people would realise that porn has it dirty little roots in child abuse. All of it. So whoever watches it, paying or not, has a part in that.

Stop being so "cool" and realise you are part of the problem that has warped and will warp generations if you watch porn.

Whether you think this poor person in the video is 12 or 22 - it is all the same. Abuse. And raise you bar, fgs

Absolutely this.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 20:08

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 30/12/2023 20:04

I wish people would realise that porn has it dirty little roots in child abuse. All of it. So whoever watches it, paying or not, has a part in that.

Stop being so "cool" and realise you are part of the problem that has warped and will warp generations if you watch porn.

Whether you think this poor person in the video is 12 or 22 - it is all the same. Abuse. And raise you bar, fgs

How do 2 consenting partners, say 30+ age in their own room, making consensual, vanilla porn, have anything to do with child abuse??

DecafOatMilkCappucino · 30/12/2023 20:09

There is a genre of pornography from Japan called Lolicon that features very young girls although I believe it's mainly animation.

Original poster
MayaTea · 30/12/2023 20:09

I wasn’t snooping at his phone. We can use each other’s phones and know the passcodes. It was just up in one of the pages. It wasn’t anything illegal and he doesn’t hide stuff. But this seemed so wrong that i was shocked and then looked at it more.
I did ask him wth he was doing with this and he didn’t see the big deal with it and why I found it gross. His argument is that it’s “just a film”. He is generally a really good partner and I love him but just feel grossed out.

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 30/12/2023 20:10

He likes getting off on young girls. Disgusting and pervy. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me.

User4363463 · 30/12/2023 20:16

Maybe he secretly likes Asians which is not uncommon but unfortunately most videos tend to have very young looking actresses. That's why in his mind it's just another genre of porn video and he didn't feel the need to hide it.