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Original poster

Partner’s porn choices disgust me

134 replies

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 19:14

Its crazy because I never thought this would be an issue for me but I was wrong. I knew that my DP watched porn and I generally don’t have an issue with it (I’ll even watch some myself at times). He’s never made a secret of it either, but it’s nothing we really discussed much because I don’t share his interests there.
The problem is I saw some seriously disgusting stuff on his phone and kept scrolling and I can’t unsee it now. There was one video with over 1000 comments and lots of people there even asked how the fuck this was legal and on a porn site because that’s how wrong it looked. It’s all legal and legit but seriously creepy and I’m more than disgusted for a variety of reasons. He doesn’t get it at all.
I don’t think I can just put this aside and I’m so upset.

OP posts:
cerisepanther73 · 31/12/2023 08:53

Typo mistake conventional *

bellinisurge · 31/12/2023 09:28

If I saw my husband watching shit like that, I'd be changing the locks

SweetFemaleAttitude · 31/12/2023 10:24

I find it really bizarre that you don't mind him watching women being fucked in every orifice just so he can have a wank, as long as they 'look' over 18.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 31/12/2023 10:28

SweetFemaleAttitude · 31/12/2023 10:24

I find it really bizarre that you don't mind him watching women being fucked in every orifice just so he can have a wank, as long as they 'look' over 18.

This exactly. Well said

Original poster
MayaTea · 31/12/2023 10:58

For heaven’s sake. I don’t mind what consenting adults do but I was shocked because the girl looked underage which I have a clear problem with. I didn’t realise how many people have a problem with porn in general.
Thanks for sharing thoughts, I appreciate it.

OP posts:
Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:16

I don't know about the child abuse in this case, but how on earth do you know the adults are consenting? Porn uses a lot of trafficked women.

Even so, what does that have to do with child abuse?

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:19

CurlewKate · 31/12/2023 08:05

@Fionafaorta
How do 2 consenting partners, say 30+ age in their own room, making consensual, vanilla porn, have anything to do with child abuse?"

How do you know that's what's happening?

Where do children come into it? There's a valid point to be made that Rob can never tell if porn is truly consensual.

Shoehorning children in is just silly and nobody has explained it so far.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 31/12/2023 11:23

Porn uses a lot of trafficked women.
Even so…

this response alone. Awful. that’s not enough of a reason? It says we can abuse women in society. We accept that.

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:25

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 31/12/2023 11:23

Porn uses a lot of trafficked women.
Even so…

this response alone. Awful. that’s not enough of a reason? It says we can abuse women in society. We accept that.

Well done cutting off the rest of my response. What does it have to do with children specifically?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 31/12/2023 11:33

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:25

Well done cutting off the rest of my response. What does it have to do with children specifically?

Show quote history

The rest of the response wasnt about the line in the post you had highlighted.

well done in highlighting a line from someone else's post and making it about something else entirely to suit your own narrative.

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:35

So can explain why all porn is related to children?

What narrative do you think that I have?

Two very simple questions for you.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 31/12/2023 11:37

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:35

So can explain why all porn is related to children?

What narrative do you think that I have?

Two very simple questions for you.

What has either of those questions got to do with my post which you are replying to? I was questioning your attitude to trafficked women. Why do you keep deflecting from that to talk about children? Is it ok that the porn industry is filled with trafficked women?

is it ok to support an industry which supports trafficked women?

Goateen · 31/12/2023 12:26

I'm losing track of what you're talking about, sorry. I asked two very simple questions. If your not interested in answering, then I wish you a happy Sunday and I'm going about my day.

VanityDiesHard · 31/12/2023 12:33

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:35

So can explain why all porn is related to children?

What narrative do you think that I have?

Two very simple questions for you.

They can't, because it isn't. Nor does it always involve trafficking, but tell that to the New Puritans.

Decimbir · 31/12/2023 12:51

Goateen · 31/12/2023 11:35

So can explain why all porn is related to children?

What narrative do you think that I have?

Two very simple questions for you.

I’m not the original poster but they may have meant that most women in the sex industry were victims of SA as children, there are various studies showing this in different countries and across prostitution and filmed prostitution/porn, e.g. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213481900508#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20200%20juvenile,sexually%20abused%20by%20father%20figures.

Feelsolow23 · 31/12/2023 13:43

Does he often watch this type of porn?

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 31/12/2023 14:15

Decimbir · 31/12/2023 12:51

I’m not the original poster but they may have meant that most women in the sex industry were victims of SA as children, there are various studies showing this in different countries and across prostitution and filmed prostitution/porn, e.g. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213481900508#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20200%20juvenile,sexually%20abused%20by%20father%20figures.

Show quote history

A depressing article on the Nordic Model Now campaign site. Whilst this deals primarily with prostitution porn is a part of the "sex industry".

OP's husband is watching filmed prostitution. He's a vicarious punter.

Nordic Model

Has prostitution effectively been decriminalised in England and Wales while we weren’t looking? | Nordic Model Now!

Latest data on prostitution-related offences in England & Wales show the police do not enforce the law & these offences are now practically decriminalised.

https://nordicmodelnow.org/2023/10/24/has-prostitution-effectively-been-decriminalised-in-england-and-wales-while-we-werent-looking/

Coyoacan · 31/12/2023 14:27

@VanityDiesHard

I live in a country where we cannot let my 10-year-old dgd out alone for fear of her falling into the hands of traffickers. The OP's bf loves watching filmed sadomasochism, which is probably using trafficked women but I am a prude.

Long live prudery if that is the case.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 31/12/2023 14:43

Coyoacan · 31/12/2023 14:27

@VanityDiesHard

I live in a country where we cannot let my 10-year-old dgd out alone for fear of her falling into the hands of traffickers. The OP's bf loves watching filmed sadomasochism, which is probably using trafficked women but I am a prude.

Long live prudery if that is the case.

Yes I'm a prude too.

damnyourubixcube · 31/12/2023 14:45

I used to work as a support worker and a male support worker was using clients internet to download videos of sex with animals and hundreds of child porn.
He always seemed a bit creepy but as a family man I wouldn't have thought he'd do this.

His partner still forgave him and is pregnant with his child even after it was all over the news and all he received was a suspended sentence and sign sex register for 10 years.
If there's no deterrent and partners shrug it off it won't stop.
I feel sorry for the unborn child as that's one child nobody's going to be having play dates with.

DrCoconut · 31/12/2023 14:48

See those hills over there? Run for them and then run a bit more. I'm not going into detail here but I know from very bitter experience what this kind of thing can end up like. He's telling you (albeit indirectly) who he is, listen, especially if you have kids.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 14:57

damnyourubixcube · 31/12/2023 14:45

I used to work as a support worker and a male support worker was using clients internet to download videos of sex with animals and hundreds of child porn.
He always seemed a bit creepy but as a family man I wouldn't have thought he'd do this.

His partner still forgave him and is pregnant with his child even after it was all over the news and all he received was a suspended sentence and sign sex register for 10 years.
If there's no deterrent and partners shrug it off it won't stop.
I feel sorry for the unborn child as that's one child nobody's going to be having play dates with.

If this is the case, I'd expect Social Services to be involved, and for him not be allowed access to his child, or at least only given supervised access.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 15:04

MayaTea · 31/12/2023 10:58

For heaven’s sake. I don’t mind what consenting adults do but I was shocked because the girl looked underage which I have a clear problem with. I didn’t realise how many people have a problem with porn in general.
Thanks for sharing thoughts, I appreciate it.

You obviously haven't been on MN much!

I can see why people have a problem, but porn is a very wide spectrum... From two established and well paid pornstars partaking in erotic but pretty vanilla sex, to horrific abuse.

It's a bit like saying I shouldn't get my nails done, even though it's at a reputable salon staffed by people who are clearly not trafficked or being coerced, because the beauty industry traffics many women each year to work in nail bars in slave like conditions.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 15:07

Ladyj84 · 31/12/2023 05:20

I would have an issue with any porn..do you know the majority are not consenting adults but trafficked men and women.. Disgusting hate it

That surely depends on the porn you watch. I watched some the other day involving a very well established porn star... 100% sure she hadn't been trafficked!

CurlewKate · 31/12/2023 15:49

@harerunner "That surely depends on the porn you watch. I watched some the other day involving a very well established porn star... 100% sure she hadn't been trafficked!"

Are you sure? How? Are you sure she isn't being coerced? Feeding a habit? Suffering damage to her body?