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Original poster

Partner’s porn choices disgust me

134 replies

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 19:14

Its crazy because I never thought this would be an issue for me but I was wrong. I knew that my DP watched porn and I generally don’t have an issue with it (I’ll even watch some myself at times). He’s never made a secret of it either, but it’s nothing we really discussed much because I don’t share his interests there.
The problem is I saw some seriously disgusting stuff on his phone and kept scrolling and I can’t unsee it now. There was one video with over 1000 comments and lots of people there even asked how the fuck this was legal and on a porn site because that’s how wrong it looked. It’s all legal and legit but seriously creepy and I’m more than disgusted for a variety of reasons. He doesn’t get it at all.
I don’t think I can just put this aside and I’m so upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
MayaTea · 30/12/2023 22:29

Not hentai, “just” a girl being bullied into things while looking perplexed and scared. The films and actress are all legal and it seems to be a franchise but it looked so wrong. I’ll definitely ask him about it now but had to sort my head first

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:40

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 22:29

Not hentai, “just” a girl being bullied into things while looking perplexed and scared. The films and actress are all legal and it seems to be a franchise but it looked so wrong. I’ll definitely ask him about it now but had to sort my head first

Ooooohhh…CNC. A lot of them, you can tell it’s being acted so you can get into it but I remember coming across a similar one that was too real, in a way that I couldn’t put my finger on. It hit me in solar plexus and I remember reporting the file to the police, even though I knew it was probably legitimate. It just felt wrong. While CNC has its fans, it’s borderline and definitely considered edgeplay in the DS sphere - he may have been dipping his toes and ended up in a very weird part of the pool.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 22:45

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:40

Ooooohhh…CNC. A lot of them, you can tell it’s being acted so you can get into it but I remember coming across a similar one that was too real, in a way that I couldn’t put my finger on. It hit me in solar plexus and I remember reporting the file to the police, even though I knew it was probably legitimate. It just felt wrong. While CNC has its fans, it’s borderline and definitely considered edgeplay in the DS sphere - he may have been dipping his toes and ended up in a very weird part of the pool.

Show quote history

Why the fuck would you be watching that???

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:53

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 22:45

Why the fuck would you be watching that???

Show quote history

It’s not my preference, but is quite close to what they call primal, which is. So occasionally, algorithms on these sites get mixed up.

I have been a very open member of my local BDSM community for the last twenty years and I don’t feel ashamed of that. My viewing tastes therefore match my real life tastes.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 22:59

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:53

It’s not my preference, but is quite close to what they call primal, which is. So occasionally, algorithms on these sites get mixed up.

I have been a very open member of my local BDSM community for the last twenty years and I don’t feel ashamed of that. My viewing tastes therefore match my real life tastes.

Show quote history

You should be ashamed.

There's nothing sexy about force or coercion, the second you saw that you should have turned it off in repulsion.

"Alot of them you can tell its acted"

So you've watched multiple videos of this.

You need to not be around kids or vunerable women. Disgusting.

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 23:02

Daft question of the day, how do you know what's legal & what isn't in the U.K.?

sorry I forgot who said it, but a PP was disgusted by the title of a piece of porn because it had 'teen' in the title. The same piece can be titled numerous different ways (teen, sister, mil, SD, neighbour) & the female can be in nothing like their actual age group.

it doesn't mean he was looking for, or watching, underage teens.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 30/12/2023 23:10

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 23:02

Daft question of the day, how do you know what's legal & what isn't in the U.K.?

sorry I forgot who said it, but a PP was disgusted by the title of a piece of porn because it had 'teen' in the title. The same piece can be titled numerous different ways (teen, sister, mil, SD, neighbour) & the female can be in nothing like their actual age group.

it doesn't mean he was looking for, or watching, underage teens.

Sorry it said teen in the title but he wasn't looking for teens?

Original poster
MayaTea · 30/12/2023 23:11

@LaughingCat Thank you. He’s into his bdsm so that could explain the link somewhat.

OP posts:
Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:12

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 30/12/2023 23:10

Sorry it said teen in the title but he wasn't looking for teens?

Show quote history

I've just gone on pornhubs main page to look, no particular genre searched and most of them say teen and stepsister in the title 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:12

MayaTea · 30/12/2023 23:11

@LaughingCat Thank you. He’s into his bdsm so that could explain the link somewhat.

Jesus Christ OP.

Red flags everywhere.

Goateen · 30/12/2023 23:13

I think Jingle means that the same video can be reposted and they label the girl different things. (She might be the stepdaughter/teen in one, then girlfriend/wife/neighbour in the next).

If a bloke is horny and watching porn, and he wants to watch the video, he'll click on the video. The titles are all made up.

The only way to 'tell' is if it was a direct search.

Disneydatknee88 · 30/12/2023 23:14

I'm not condoning it but what were you even doing, searching his porn history? I would be mortified if my husband searched mine.

LinnieM · 30/12/2023 23:18

Tough one.

The thing about fantasies and things like that, is that they’re just fantasties. Things that you keep to yourself and wouldn’t want to share with people what they are. There’s a lot of step sibling/step parent porn out there. There’s a lot of extremely younger girl with old men type of porn. There’s even some rape fantasy porn.

It’s difficult to discover what someone watches on a porn site and look at them the same way. You may wonder whether DH wants to do these things or why he watches them but the reality is, these things are usually purely fantasy. Not sure how you’ll have a conversation about it as he probably knows it looks dodgy from the outside looking in. I remember seeing my ex’s search history and it was just a lot to take in😕

LinnieM · 30/12/2023 23:19

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:12

Jesus Christ OP.

Red flags everywhere.

Show quote history

How does BDSM equate to a red flag?

VikingLady · 30/12/2023 23:32

I don't think there's anything wrong with checking his porn habits. I certainly checked DH's before we got serious. I told him I'd done it. I needed to know whether I would be safe with him, and given I was dating with an eye to marriage and children whether future kids would be safe with him. Especially given he was in his 30s and living with his parents.

I wasn't bothered about fetishes, I was mainly checking for consent/underage/any other red flags. The same way I googled him, checked his fb, talked to mutual friends.

That said I've not checked in over a decade.

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 23:38

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 22:59

You should be ashamed.

There's nothing sexy about force or coercion, the second you saw that you should have turned it off in repulsion.

"Alot of them you can tell its acted"

So you've watched multiple videos of this.

You need to not be around kids or vunerable women. Disgusting.

Show quote history

I find that a little judgemental - as I said, CNC is not my preference but it is consensual. That’s the basis for it.

Why, as a strong, independent 40-year old woman, who has achieved in life, has a happy, loving relationship of nearly 15 years with my DH, and spends a considerable amount of time volunteering to support the homeless and victims of domestic abuse, should I not be allowed around kids or vulnerable women?

I enjoy adrenaline in the bedroom. But there’s a huge deal of difference between the adrenaline you get on a theme park rollercoaster, with all its safety measures, checks and regulations (that’s the BDSM relationship in this metaphor) and the adrenaline when you’re in a car that's clipped a curb, flipping end over end towards a brick wall (domestic abuse or SA).

The fact that I know and can recognise that difference, is exactly why I support the vulnerable. Because abuse…real abuse…makes me rage. Anyone that harms others are the lowest of the low.

Ohhhh…wait…did you assume I’m a dude?

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:40

This reply has been deleted

We are taking this down as it is not in the spirit of the site.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:40

Because you get off hurting people and making out people are being raped? That's exactly why.

I hope you don't have kids!!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/12/2023 23:43

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 30/12/2023 20:04

I wish people would realise that porn has it dirty little roots in child abuse. All of it. So whoever watches it, paying or not, has a part in that.

Stop being so "cool" and realise you are part of the problem that has warped and will warp generations if you watch porn.

Whether you think this poor person in the video is 12 or 22 - it is all the same. Abuse. And raise you bar, fgs

Thank you for saying what I was trying to and failing. Absolutely this!

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 23:48

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 23:40

Because you get off hurting people and making out people are being raped? That's exactly why.

I hope you don't have kids!!

Edited

I’m a submissive female…if I’m hurting my partner, something’s gone very awry! And like I said…I don’t enjoy CNC. Primal is raw and joyful - it’s a celebration of both partners’ strength. It’s the same feeling I get in a mosh pit at a gig or when I’m sparring during training.

I feel like you’ve latched onto a misunderstanding here, and something has massively triggered you. I’m really sorry if I’ve caused that with my answers - the last thing I want to do is bring up something painful for someone else.

Stichintime · 30/12/2023 23:54

Viking.Lady; you checked your partners porn habit with his friends? How did that conversation go?

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 00:04

Stichintime · 30/12/2023 23:54

Viking.Lady; you checked your partners porn habit with his friends? How did that conversation go?

That’s not what they said.

I wasn't bothered about fetishes, I was mainly checking for consent/underage/any other red flags. The same way I googled him, checked his fb, talked to mutual friends.

Meaning Viking googled her partner to see if anything dodgy about him would appear. Looked on his FB to find out any additional information about him and spoke to mutual friends about him. Not that they spoke to his friends about his porn habit lol

Panaa · 31/12/2023 00:17

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 23:38

I find that a little judgemental - as I said, CNC is not my preference but it is consensual. That’s the basis for it.

Why, as a strong, independent 40-year old woman, who has achieved in life, has a happy, loving relationship of nearly 15 years with my DH, and spends a considerable amount of time volunteering to support the homeless and victims of domestic abuse, should I not be allowed around kids or vulnerable women?

I enjoy adrenaline in the bedroom. But there’s a huge deal of difference between the adrenaline you get on a theme park rollercoaster, with all its safety measures, checks and regulations (that’s the BDSM relationship in this metaphor) and the adrenaline when you’re in a car that's clipped a curb, flipping end over end towards a brick wall (domestic abuse or SA).

The fact that I know and can recognise that difference, is exactly why I support the vulnerable. Because abuse…real abuse…makes me rage. Anyone that harms others are the lowest of the low.

Ohhhh…wait…did you assume I’m a dude?

Show quote history

I wouldn't consider a lot of CNC porn to be consensual even if it technically is.
There's a netflix show 'hot girls wanted' which goes into this, 18 year olds signing up to do that kind of porn, 'consenting' to it but they don't realise how awful it's going to be, and if it gets too much or they can't take it anymore mid scene they don't feel like they can stop because they're not going to get paid then, and they've already put themselves through X amount of hours of it so they push through so it wasn't all for nothing. Often they end up paying out for medical bills afterwards as they've been injured.

Most of them are out of the business within 3 months and deeply regret it. They don't have the life experience or even experience with sex to really understand what they're consenting to.

VanityDiesHard · 31/12/2023 00:20

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 22:59

You should be ashamed.

There's nothing sexy about force or coercion, the second you saw that you should have turned it off in repulsion.

"Alot of them you can tell its acted"

So you've watched multiple videos of this.

You need to not be around kids or vunerable women. Disgusting.

Show quote history

Oh be quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about. These porn threads all go the same way, people awfulising and generalising. It is so annoying and it makes it hard to isolate porn use which is actually damaging.

HateMyRubbishBoss · 31/12/2023 00:20

This reply has been deleted

We are taking this down as it is not in the spirit of the site.

Why are you so upset with what she’s doing in her bedroom?

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